A Moving Target: My Weight Loss Goal

When I began this journey 3.5 years ago, my "long-term" goal was to lose 100lbs; I knew I definitely needed to lose more than that (being that I started out weighing 352lbs), but I wanted to at least get past the first 100lbs & then take it from there. 

After I lost the first 100lbs I was obviously super happy but felt a bit lost as to where to go from there so I decided to set my first "final goal weight" goal of 180lbs. I'm pretty tall (5'10) and have a wider build so I figured that was a good goal for me although at the time when I set it, it still felt almost unattainable. 

Then I made it to 180lbs and realized I still had a ways to go so in the last 6 months I readjusted my goal weight to a range of 150-155lbs. And then on Sunday, this happened: 

I honestly didn't think I would ever see such a number staring back at me on the scale. It was this very same scale that once showed me 352lbs and it now was showing a number 203lbs lighter... 203lbs??! That means I've lost a whole other overweight person...that's just crazy! 

And perhaps even more crazy, I don't feel like I'm quite satisfied with the idea of me being at my goal weight. Is that crazy? 

I honestly don't know what my goal weight is because I've never been at it in my adult life so I'm finding it hard so say "I will be DONE losing weight when I get to ___lbs;" which is kind of frustrating to a goal-oriented gal like me. I like to have a goal and even more, I want there to be a point where I know I'm DONE losing weight, ya know? 

But it doesn't look like I'm ready to decide what # is just yet. I honestly don't think it would be healthy or sustainable for me to weigh any less than 140lbs so I feel fairly comfortable saying that would be my bare minimum (remember, I'm kind of an amazon woman) so maybe my happy goal weight range will end up being between 140-145lbs; for now, I'm comfortable with just saying..."we'll see." Right now I'm still aiming to lose 1lb per week & I at least take comfort in the fact that I know I have no more than 9 more pounds to lose. 

I would be lying though if I said I'm not concerned about walking down that slippery slope of no weight ever being "good enough" or that I'm always going to want to lose "just 5 more pounds." I guess all I can really do is be aware of that danger & keep my heart pure & right before God. Regardless, I know that I won't be worth more, more beautiful, more loved or more complete by weighing any certain number- the number that stares back at me on the scale doesn't make up my identity. 

So in celebration of being out of the 150's (wow that is still so crazy to fathom!); I thought I'd share a comparison pic; I'm sure you can figure out which one is which! 

Ya gotta love a good selfie. 

In other news, I've been trying lots of new things when it comes to cooking! For those of you who have been following my blog for any length of time you'll know that when I first started this journey, I thought making a wrap for lunch was a huge culinary success so the fact that I now cook on a regular basis, am constantly trying new recipes & even better yet, enjoy it is pretty darn great. 

That being said- I decided to give Kale another shot after my last attempt at eating Kale salad was a big flop. The verdict? 

Bleck. I have come to the conclusion that I just don't really like Kale salad and I'm okay with that. I like it cooked but regardless of how much "massaging" or letting the leaves sit in the dressing I do, I just don't like the texture, the smell or the taste & I made a deal with myself a LOONNGG time ago that I'd never force myself to eat anything I didn't like on this journey so I happily say adieu to eating Kale salad! 

However, all was not a loss in cooking world for me! Here in Western PA there is a wedding tradition called "The Cookie Table." Essentially, at any wedding in Western PA you will see anywhere from 1-4 tables completely packed full of cookies at the reception that have been brought/made by the brides friends and family. It's just a nice gesture and hey, no one is going to complain about having tables full of cookies to choose from! 

Here were some shots from the cookie table at our wedding: 

This weekend D & I will be attending our friend's wedding & I was asked to bake cookies for the cookie table. This was kind of intimidating to me as I've never made cookies from scratch before and people tend to ask who made what cookie and let's just say I was feeling the pressure! Luckily my friend told me what kind she'd like me to bake so at least I didn't have to make that decision as well. So, after scouring the internet for a gluten-free snickerdoodle cookie recipe I finally found one that I thought was doable and that sounded delicious: Gluten Free Pumpkin Snickerdoodles! 

Needless to say it took me wayyyy longer to make these than the recipe suggests but I threw my fear right out the window and got to work; D was so impressed he just had to snap a pic- or maybe he was more impressed that I was letting my hands get so messy and wanted to document it for proof (I'm realllllly not a fan of the kitchen getting messy, even while cooking)- I'm the type that likes to wash a dish as soon as I'm done using it while cooking while he's more of a "let's just get all the cooking done, make whatever mess we need to and worry about it at the end"- so...we try to compromise (read: he usually tries to compromise- tee hee hee). 

And only 3 hours later (haha) these babies came out pretty darn amazingly: 

I know accomplishments like this may not be a big deal to some but for me, cooking was always one of those areas that I was (and still am) self-conscious about so the fact that I made a cookie that I'm proud of, that tastes good & that me and my other GF friends will be able to enjoy at the wedding, leaves me with a little smile on my face. 

Alright, that's enough for today. 

I'd like to know: 

• Have you picked a goal weight? How did you come up with that number? Have you ever changed your goal weight? 

Old Habits May Die Hard...But They Can Die!

This past weekend D & I drove up to see my very best friend & her husband who live in Virginia; it was a bit of a spur-of-the-moment trip but the truth is, we needed to get away. As much as we love our life, sometimes we just need a change of scenery, change of pace & change of faces to get us out of a funk put things back into perspective and that's exactly what we got this past weekend. 

The weekend was full of lots of shopping, girl time, board games, chatting & eating (more on that later) & of course, in keeping with typical Tiffany & Erin fashion, lots of crazy pictures: 

(*Sidenote: The super cute shirt I'm wearing was totally a SMALL from J. Crew...a small!!? Say what?!?) 

It was a pretty surreal experience to be able to shop for clothes in the same stores as her- we've always enjoyed shopping together but in the past I've pretty much been restricted to buying accessories in any store she could buy clothes in (with the exception of Target and Old Navy) so to be able to go into any store she went into was a pretty fan-freaking-tastic feeling. 

Erin and I have been best friends for the last 7 years and I couldn't be more grateful to God for her in my life. She has been there through thick and thin...quite literally: 

The pic of us on the left is the day I graduated from college in 2009 (when I was at my very heaviest) & the one on the right is from this weekend (at my very lightest). 

I do want to share something that happened this weekend that definitely caught me off guard. Like I said, Erin and I were friends when I was at my biggest- when I was choosing to eat out at every meal, drink 500 calorie Starbucks drinks daily, eat crappy foods at midnight, had no clue about nutrition & had a crazy emotional attachment to being able to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted. In 2009, after graduating college, I moved to Pittsburgh and soon thereafter was when I decided it was time to make a change, so we've lived in separate states the entire time I've been losing weight (but of course have visited each other multiple times).

Now before I share some of my struggles from this weekend, let me be clear that Erin has been nothing but a HUGE supporter, encouragement & cheerleader for me and my weight loss journey. I've been able to have conversations with her about how I got to where I was and how I got to where I am now unlike I've been able to have with anyone else because she knows me that well. Even when we lived together and I was living an unhealthy lifestyle, it was never her fault at all or even influence- she loved me as I was and never once made me feel inferior. I honestly couldn't ask for a better bestie. 

This weekend; however, did bring about some interesting challenges for me. I'm not sure what it was but I found myself reverting back to an old mindset of thinking whenever we would go out to eat at a restaurant or stop and get coffee at Starbucks; when I would normally stop eating when I was full or have no problem resisting dessert or an extra fatty coffee drink from Starbucks, this weekend I found myself "just accepting" that I would eat more than her, that I would order a larger size drink than her & that of course I would have an extra scoop of ice cream than she was because that's how it used to be. 

I was honestly shocked by this. Mostly because I normally have a spine of steel when it comes to issues of peer pressure & even though she wasn't pressuring me to make unhealthy choices at all, I was almost pressuring myself to revert back to that person who allowed food, emotions & circumstances to control them because that was what I had known in the past. 

After an instance of allowing myself to eat way too much dessert after dinner & having a stomach ache, I woke up the next morning & got my head on straight, remembered the freedom that I've received from food through Christ's power & returned to living victoriously over food and enjoyed the rest of our time together. 

Failure isn't an option for me in this journey; I take every instance that looks like a "set back" & promise to learn from what it has to teach me so that next time it can be a step of victory; from this weekend I learned: 

1. While Christ has set me free from living under the control of food, my emotions or circumstances, I'm not above being tempted or having cravings and if I want to continue to live victoriously, I must continue to seek His help & utilize the power that He makes available to me. When I think this way, there's no time for thoughts like, "Oh well, I fell off the wagon and have returned to the person I used to be," as I had begun to fear was happening, because the truth is that moments of "victory" or "failure" don't dictate who I am, Christ does & I have the power to choose that. 
2. This was a lesson I learned a long while back but needed a stern reminder of: Fun is not synonymous with eating crappy food; in fact, eating crappy food normally leads to shame. Fun is when I enjoy the company I'm with and remain true to myself & what is best for me. 
3. I am the only one who is going to make the "tough decisions" that need to be made in order to get me to where I want to go; if I'm waiting for someone else to choose to suggest working out as an activity or to opt out of having bread/dessert, than I'm waiting in vain & wouldn't deserve an ounce of credit for having went along with the decision. 

So, in the end I am thankful for this weekend for many reasons, some that were easier to come by than others, but thankful nonetheless. 

This week, life has returned to normal as usual; some happenings: 

I have been craving carrot cake like nobody's business so when I saw this Carrot Cake Larabar at GNC I had to try one! 

The verdict? Eh... it wasn't bad... there was definitely a "carrot cake-y" taste to it but not enough for me to buy a whole box of them, especially when there are so many other delicious Larabar options like peanut butter cookie, cookie dough & chocolate chip peanut butter. Can you tell I like cookies...and peanut butter...and chocolate? haha 

I also whipped together this yummy super light dish for lunches this week:

 Mediterranean Chickpea Tuna Salad:

4 servings (1 1/4 cup each) 

- 1 can of chickpeas
- 10 cherry tomatoes
- 2 cans of tuna
- 1 diced cucumber
- 1 tbls. evoo
- lemon juice to taste
- 4 tbls. balsamic vinegar
- 15 chips (Food Should Taste Good brand, multigrain)
= 454 calories 

I really have become much more of a frequent snacker than a big meal eater lately so this meal was great- it was light, zesty, spring-y tasting & it included chips so that's an all around win in my book! 

Lastly, I kicked my own bum in the gym yesterday with an intense 45 minute interval workout on the elliptical- when I had started running and thought I was all hardcore I had convinced myself that the elliptical was for wusses; well, if that's the case then I'll keep sweating my bum off like this and being a wuss :) 

Alright kiddos, that's enough for today but I would like to hear from you: 

• Has anyone else struggled with kicking old habits when you are back in an old familiar situation that you used to make unhealthy choices in? 
• What's your go-to lunch option these days? I'm always looking for new lunch ideas!