Days #244 & #245: Gulp (for freedom) :)

I think I've changed.

When I first started out on this journey my focus was all about:
- Understanding what got me to the point I was at (weighing 352lbs)
- Learning how to eat in a healthy way.
- Changing my mindset about food.
- Proving to myself that I could do things I never thought possible- specifically in regards to exercise.

After losing 50lbs, entering a 3 month unplanned maintenance break, and now seeing that I only have 4 months to make my goal of losing 100lbs this year...

I now find myself constantly having my focus being:
- I've got to lose this weight so that I can make my goal.
- This isn't about anything lifelong- it's about now and December 31st.
- I really want this to just hurry up and be over so that I can live the life I want to (not meaning eat what I want to but be able to do the things that I can't do now (ex:wear dresses) that I want to do).
- Seeing the #'s go down on the scale every week.

And honestly, I find myself stressed out, worried, striving, and feeling like a failure almost every single day.

Where did this come from? This journey was never about being perfect or feeling WORSE about myself- shoot, especially after losing 50lbs!

I think it's time that I face a reality that I NEVER wanted to face and literally everything in me wants to rebel against this thought but unless I accept it I don't know if I'll ever really see the true meaning of success come to pass for me...

This whole thing really isn't about losing 100lbs in a year. Sure, that would be a really cool "fruit" of my hardwork and is A goal, but THE goal is to NOT BE OBESE anymore and honestly if it takes me 14, 16, 18 months to get there then so be it.

I am embracing where I'm at in this journey and am going to take the steps I need to in order to get where I want to go. Fear of not succeeding is no longer going to hold me back or stress me out because that is NOT what this is all about- it's about becoming the person that God created me to be and not settling for anything less.

Goals are good- they help keep me focused, on track, and always striving to better myself- but that's really all they are: aids in getting to the actual goal- don't let them become stumbling blocks on your journey.

Here's what I've got planned for September:
* Write down all food intake in my food journal.
* Don't go over my 1700 calorie limit.
* Workout 3x's per week.
* I'd like to see myself at 287lbs by the end of the month but if it doesn't happen- it's OKAY- as long as I know I'm giving my all, I can't expect anything more.

Treat yourself with love today :)

That's it- I'm keeping it simple for this month- just working on the basics.