Days #269 - #272: Quick Update!

Hi friends!

Anyone else loving them some Fall?! Being that I've lived in states with only 2 seasons for most of my life (AZ/FL)- I appreciate Fall even that much more.

So- let's talk. It's update time:

- I'm still in the midst of my $ challenge and doing wonderfully. I still can't believe how difficult it was for me to break the cycle of feeling the need to eat out for every meal but it really isn't even an issue anymore- I enjoy my cooking and I enjoy knowing what is going into the food I eat. I know a few of your mentioned you were going to be joining me for this experiment- how's it going?

- One of my newest creations is pizza on naan tandori bread (delicious!) Check it out!

- I have officially changed my weigh in days back to Sundays (due to another round of the Biggest Loser Challenge that has started back up) so I'll be posting my weigh in this coming Sunday. 

- Today, I hit the gym and spent 30 mins on the elliptical, 15 minutes on the upright bike, and then did the weight training circuit- and it felt awesome.

Alright ya'll, I'm keeping it short and sweet for today- I'm getting ready to sit down and soak up some Biggest Loser inspiration for the evening!

Peace.

Days #267 & #268: My $ Experiment!

Toward the beginning of my journey I shared that I believe one of the major causes of my obesity was I found some sense of normalcy or control over my life when I would be able to go out and eat with friends or even by myself; this was probably because growing up my family ate out a lot and so when I went to college and was dirt poor it would bother me if I didn't have $ to spend on food so as soon as I got $ I would usually spend it on that- hence gaining even more weight.

Since the beginning of this journey that has been something I've been working on changing- realizing that my sense of normalcy and self-control shouldn't come from being able to eat whatever/wherever I want, but from having control over food and not the other way around- not eating out/eating bad just because I can.

Well, out of curiosity the other day I went online to my bank account and decided to add up the amount of money that I spen in August on eating out...um...wow. I really would rather not say how much I spent eating out but let's just say it is more than my rent or my car payment. Say what!? Yep. It's true. So after I picked my jaw up off the floor, I realized that I may not have successfully broken this pattern of getting my sense of normalcy and control from eating out after all so I began a 2 week experiment; here are the stipulations:

1- No frivilous eating out; I can only eat out 1 meal per week each week (unless someone else offers to pay).

2- No spending ANY $ on food outside of that one meal. Too often I convince myself that I need to go to Trader Joe's or another supermarket for groceries but I really don't. I'm challenging myself to not buy any more groceries but eat off of what I already have in the house.

I began this experiment this past Monday and so far so good. I have spent a total of $17 dollars on food this week where I would normally have spent at least $45-$50 and this isn't even including the weekend (which is when I usually spend the most!).

Truthfully, I'm learning  A LOT from this experiment and I'll be sharing some of these lessons throughout the week but first I thought I'd show some of the interesting creations I've been coming up with since my challenge to only make meals from what I already have at home (nothing too exciting- just some of my basics):

Peanut Butter Oatmeal- I eat this for breakfast every morning at work (M-F) and I love it. I use high fiber maple syrup instant oatmeal (160 cals), 3/4 cup skim milk (60 cals), and 1 tbls of all natural reduced fat peanut butter (95)- a little high in cals but SO filling and SO delicious!

I created this yummy salad with romaine, homeade chicken salad (including crazines), and instead of using croutons I used pretzel thins from trader joes! Get this- 23 pretzel things for only 110 cals!

Flat bread white pizza (or at least that's what I call it!) I used the flatbreads above from Trader Joes (110 cals), mushrooms, tomotoes, light provolone, hummus, and garlic! Throw it in the oven and hello deliciousness!

Alright, excuse the fugly picture but I've been meaning to make something like this for awhile and finally got around to it- and BOY was it easy peasy! I just got a bag of mini red potatoes, cut em up, rolled em around in some oil and Mrs. Dash, threw em in the oven for 10 minutes and then enjoy an amazing side dish!



I can't lie- not eating out hasn't been easy for me- particularly when I'm used to eating out 8ish times a week but it really just isn't worth the effect that it's been having on my bank account or on the scale.

Anyone else wanna join me for week 2 of this challenge?

Days #263- #266: What do you BELIEVE?

Hey Ya'll!

Thanks for all of your sweet comments on the bridesmaid pictures- they meant a lot ;)

Here's a truth that a friend and I were talking about recently (in a different context) that I've just been itching to share: It is only a matter of time before we live our lives in a manner consistant with what we believe about ourselves.

Think about it- this is a truth that can be seen in a variety of different life situations, for example:

- Someone who has suffered from alcoholism swears to give up drinking and is successful for a few months; however, unless they come to a place in their mind where they truly believe that they can control their life and urge to drink and that they are not always destined to live a life of alcholism, many times it is only a matter of time before they find themselves all washed up again.

Why is this? Because LIFE CHANGE requires more than just a MENTAL DECISION it requires a CHANGE OF BELIEF.

This COMPLETELY applies to the journey that we are all on; ANYONE can make a MENTAL DECISION/UNDERSTAND that:

- Certain foods are unhealthy and cause weight gain.
- You plan/are going to exercise because that will help with weight loss.
- To not give into emotional eating or just the love of sweets/salty-goodness.
- That you are going to lose ____ amount of pounds.
- Etc. Etc. Etc. (Insert any other thing we've all "decided" along this journey).

But clearly, deciding these things/understanding them is NOT ENOUGH otherwise NO ONE would be obese or overweight- it takes something more than just understanding weight loss principles or even deciding with all of the determination in the world to do/not do something and truthfully (for LONG TERM success) it will even take more than just beginning to walk these principles/decisions out. Think about it- MOST people have enough determination and self-control to keep their "New Year's Resolutions" or goals for a few weeks, and if they are really strong-willed, maybe even a few months, but it takes something more to create LASTING CHANGE- and I believe that lies in the power of what we believe about ourselves.

I'm taking a moment (and I would challenge everyone to do the same) to evaluate what it is that I truly BELIEVE about myself in regards to this journey- in order to do that I think I need to answer questions like:

- Do I TRULY BELIEVE that I will no longer live the rest of my life being overweight or do I secretly believe that I may be able to keep this up for a while but that being overweight is how I will always life my life?
- Do I TRULY BELIEVE that being fit and athletic is possible for me? Or do I secretly believe I'm just saying it is?
- Do I TRULY BELIEVE that I am worth all of this effort?
- And most importantly: Do I TRULY BELIEVE that I am not the same person that I once was and that I am well on my way to becoming the person I desire to be.

How do I know this decision/understanding vs. belief thing is legit? Because there have been countless times that I've sat at a restaurant or at home late at night on my couch and when the thought of eating something that I know I shouldn't comes on my mind and I really start to rationalize whether I should eat it or not- there is always a lingering voice that says..."this really isn't going to matter, you know that sooner or later...you're going to give up or give in." No wonder that even if I say no that time, it really is only a matter of time before that very thing happens!

So what's the SOLUTION you ask? The only way that you or I are going to be truly successful for the long haul is to begin to change the way we believe about ourselves and this journey. Therefore, an even better questions becomes: How the heck do you do that? Well, I don't know completely, but here are some thoughts I am going to begin with EVERY morning and will keep in the front of my mind as I make decisions (and hopefully these thoughts will tranform into beliefs):

- I am the person that I want to become NOW- even while I'm still in an overweight place. People that have lost a significant amount of weight didn't just wake up one day and BAM! all of the weight was gone- NO- they saw each day/choice as representing a step that would take them closer to their goal. I need to believe that I won't just be that fit/conquering person what I've reached my goal, but that I am that person NOW- just in progress.

- I AM a person who has control over her life and over the food choices I make; I make healthy decisions because that is WHO I AM.

I am sure that I am nowhere near cracking the tip of the iceberg on this subject but I really feel like this is a key that will unlock many of the reasons that people fail when trying to lose weight.

What do you think? Can you identify with this at all on your journey?

Days #259 - #262: I Bit the Bullet...

I took everyone's advice and went with the group to try on the bridesmaid dresses today. You all are seriously so smart and I'm glad you give such good advice because now looking back I would have totally regreted not going.

All in all, (thanks to a new pair of Spanx and the encouraging words of you all) it was a pretty fabulous time. Only 2 other bridesmaids (out of a total of 8) were there and it was pretty low-key. The dress is still a little short for my taste so I'm having an inch taken out of the hem but I can't lie- there was a point today as I was looking in the mirror that I began to feel very...proud of the work I've put in so far on this journey.

Wanna hear something AWESOME? When I first looked at the dress on the hanger I began to doubt if even the largest size they carried (a 26) would be big enough...I suddenly pictured myself having to come out of the dressing room and saying that not even the largest size would fit and then have to have the consultant tell me there were no bigger options and then the bride have to completely change her dress or something. Well, the 26 did fit; in fact, it was too big so I tried on the 24, and it was too big until finally I slipped into the perfect size 22! As I'm sure you can imagine, that felt great. The 22 is a little tight on me but I know that six months from now I will probably even need to go down a size (or two!).

It's so cool to be able to go into a store and not automatically have to try the biggest thing they have on there- I don't even know how long it's been since that has been the case but a long time. For sure, a size 22 is nothing to write home about but the fact that there are 2 sizes larger than that available just make me smile from ear to ear :) Not to mention, I bought a shirt today from LB in a size 14/16! Do you know how crazy that is!?!

It's just little things like these that are great motivators that push me to keep going!

For now, I can't wait until I go and pick up my dress in a month or so and be able to see how much better it fits :) I'm sure the picture below can show you some of the reasons I'm still not completely comfortable wearing something like this, but I will be!
Again- THANK YOU so much for your thoughtful, encouraging, and wise words of advice about this- it was your words that allowed me to come out of the dressing room with my head held high today :)

Day #258: My NEW Motivation!

See that super cute couple up there? They happen to be 2 of my greatest friends and fellow staff members at my church and last weekend they asked me to be a bridesmaid in their upcoming wedding.

My immediate reaction can be described in 3 words: Excited. Honored. Scared.

Only a few months ago I wrote a post about how one of the many motivations I had for wanting to lose weight was because many of my good friends would be surely getting married soon and that I would never want any of them to even have to think for one second whether they would want me in their wedding or how having only 1 obese bridesmaid would ruin the pictures or about how they wouldn't be able to have the bridesmaid dresses they want because it wouldn't flatter my figure, etc. I see even as I write this how sad these statements are and I'm sure none of my friends would refrain from putting me in their wedding but I just hate that any of the above thoughts would even cross their minds- or more importantly- that they've crossed mine.

Well, needless to say I had figured that I wouldn't have to worry about this situation for at least a little bit but clearly, not the case because I'll be walking down the aisle as one of the 8 bridesmaids in this wedding on March 26th! I've got to say that I was completely STOKED when they first asked me because I've actually never been in a wedding before as a bridesmaid and I simply adore this couple; however, the fear/reality set in when I received an email just yesterday that this is the dress the bridesmaids will be wearing:




Egh.


I mean, it's not an ugly dress by any means but at this point I am in NO way comfortable wearing it. Why? Because my arms and legs are the things that I am the most self-conscious about. Truthfully, I don't hate that it's strapless, my arms look much better now than they did when I started this journey but my legs....uhhh...that's a different story. A much different story.


I have not worn shorts or anything above the knee in...well...10 years?


The GOOD news about this situation: The wedding isn't until March which means that I still have 7 months to continue to lose weight and get my body to a place that I feel a million times more comfortable wearing the dress. In fact, this is GREAT news for me because I can't even tell you how much of a motivator this is for me- I know this isn't my wedding and the spotlight is not going or supposed to be on me- BUT I want to look freaking smashing. Furthermore, I know that when we take the wedding party pics that I will be the heaviest girl (believe me, I know all of the other bridesmaids and I'm pretty sure 3 of them weigh under 125lbs and not a single one weighs above 155lbs but I am guessing that I will have lost at least 100lbs by that point and will be able to hold my head up high.


Ready for the BAD news: We are trying on the bridesmaid dresses this Saturday. Seriously, I feel panicked about this. Why? Well....

- I do not think I am going to be comfortable wearing this dress right now- like for real. I do NOT show my legs above/at my knees at all-ever! And I know that the bride is going to want to see me with it on. Eh.

- All of the bridesmaids that live in our area (like 4) are going to be their try try it on and I'm definitely NOT wanting to try it on in front of them.


So for real- I NEED YOUR ADVICE! I seriously don't know what to do! I've been kicking around several different ideas and all of them seem to have a little bit of good/bad idea-ness in them- I feel like I have the following options:

Option #1) Not go on Saturday when everyone else goes. Good Idea: I won't have to try it on in front of everyone. Bad Idea: The bride would probably be a little disappointed and I would miss out on the fun.

Option #2) Go and suck it up. Good Idea: It will be done and over with and the bride's feelings won't be burt. Bad Idea: Everyone will see me and I will feel mortified.


Ay. yay. yay. HELP! What should I do?

I know this may not seem like a big deal to anyone else and that I'm overreacting but everyone has that "thing" that they just feel super uncomfortable about and this is probably the first time I've felt pressured into bearing mine to the world (or at least my little world)! Can anyone else relate to this or have any advice for me?

Either way I know that the end result will be great because I will be wearing a dress in March that just seven months prior to I was feeling *this* horrible about- it will be a great moment- it's just a little...terrifying right now.

Days #251 - #257: Weighing In & Catching Up!

Hellllllooooo!

Man I've missed you guys! This past week has been one of those crazy busy times where I was lucky to get 5 hours of sleep each night (and this girls needs at LEAST 7)!

But have no fear, I have been doing *fantastically* on all fronts (eating/exercise) and probably have 20 posts worth of stuff to share with you. Seriously- I don't even know where to start!

How about a WEIGH IN? And I am ELATED to announce that for the first time in forever (ok...I may be exaggerating a little) I am BACK to losing!!!

Previous Weigh In: 299lbs

Today's Weigh In: 296lbs

Which makes for a... 3lb loss! :)

Whew! Seriously, I since I hadn't posted a legitimate loss in more than a month I was almost starting to think I would never lose again- it's about breaking down the mental barrier, ya know? And perhaps even MORE exciting is that 296lbs is the lowest weight I can ever remember being in the last 6 years so when I lose even 1 more pound it will be completely NEW territory!

All in all, this brings me to a total weight loss of 56 pounds! Love it :)

And I think I must face the fact that I don't think it's a coincidence that the week that I actually begin to workout again and not just lose weight through nutritional eating alone is the week that I lose weight- ay yay yay. Looks like I will be continuing my gym routine faithfully!

Speaking of gym routine- last Saturday I was scheduled to go to the gym but when some unexpected meetings came up the gym had closed by the time I was free to go. Now, the old me would have just taken that as an opportunity to go home and sit on my bum but instead I asked myself the question that ALWAYS helps motivate me, keep me focused, and making the right decisions which is: "No one is going to make this [healthy] decision for me- I HAVE to make it myself."

Which lead me to getting out one of my old Leslie Sansone DVD's and kick butt with an 3 mile indoor walk! Before starting the DVD I was thinking that it was kind of a waste of time- how good of a workout can a person really get from an "indoor walking" dvd- well....

I got a workout to say the least :)

I have some really exciting (and a tad bit scary) news to share with everyone tomorrow- can't wait!

Days #246 - #250: Exciting Workout News!

Mmmk I have SO much to tell ya'll! (BTW- Is anyone out there??? Did everyone quit reading on me??? :( Oh well, I know I have some loyal followers out there :)



Alright...where to start!?






So since really working hard to get back on track at the end of July I have basically only been focusing on eating right and not exercising at all. I had began to think that exercise really wasn't what I needed to put all my energy in right now and that because I have so much weight left to lose, I could put it off until I drop another 40lbs or so. Well, looking at my weight loss pattern from the last month and a half- clearly that theory wasn't working so well. And after realizing that I not only need to exercise to lose weight but that it really is a desire of mine to become physically fit, I decided to schedule a lunch with a friend of mine who also happens to be a personal trainer.

I can't lie, the situation was a little awkard since weight loss or exercise has never really been a topic in any of our discussions, but I've really been feeling like I've hit a wall with my fitness knowledge and ideas and need that extra "push." So- we met, we lunched, we chatted about weight loss and exercise, and we decided to make a workout date for that very evening!



I brought her to the local community center gym that I'm currently a member of (but that I will soon have to leave because of how far it is from where I live/work) and while we walked the indoor track she poured out countless pearls of wisdom (that I'm SO excited to share with ya'll throughout this week).



We've decided that because of time & money that neither of us can commit to meeting weekly but that she will instead be giving me gym "homework" and we have committed to at least meeting bi-weekly to evaluate my progress. I really do desire to be crazy fit and I'm willing to put in the work- I just need some guidance and accountability.

So here is my new workout regimin:

* Gym 3x's a week (Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays) w/ 30 minutes on the elliptical, 15 minutes on the upright bike, and 1 cycle through the circuit equipment (1x per week).

* Beach Castle Body Workout 2x's a week (Mondays & Fridays) at home.



Wondering what the Beach Castle Body Workout is? It's a quick, metabolism-boosting, workout that can be done anywhere that my personal trainer/friend made up that uses mostly your own body weight as resistance and literally takes all of 15 minutes! She does it every day and swears by it :) **This in NO WAY is meant to replace a cardio/strength training routine, but is simply good to supplement it. Interested in trying it out?

Beach Castle Body Workout:

• 15 shoulder rolls


• 15 Jumping Jacks


• 15 seconds of the plank


• 30 Bicycle crunches


• 15 Burpees


• 15 Skydivers


• 15 lunges (per side)

And there you have it friends! If you aren't sure what any of the above exercises are a quick google search will have the answer at your fingertips!

There have been times throughout my life that I will pretend that I don't want something that I actually really do want just so that no one will feel bad for me for not having it- and being fit is one of those things. I have pretended like I don't care that I can't run or don't have ripped arms or can't wear dresses, sleeveless shirts, or high heels but you know what? I DO CARE. A LOT.

LET IT BE KNOW: I, Tiffany, WANT TO BE RIPPED. I want to be SO super freaking fit. And I WILL GET THERE. I don't care if it takes me another 2 years- I will get there. One day at a time, one good choice at a time.

Mark my words.

How about you? :)

Days #244 & #245: Gulp (for freedom) :)

I think I've changed.

When I first started out on this journey my focus was all about:
- Understanding what got me to the point I was at (weighing 352lbs)
- Learning how to eat in a healthy way.
- Changing my mindset about food.
- Proving to myself that I could do things I never thought possible- specifically in regards to exercise.

After losing 50lbs, entering a 3 month unplanned maintenance break, and now seeing that I only have 4 months to make my goal of losing 100lbs this year...

I now find myself constantly having my focus being:
- I've got to lose this weight so that I can make my goal.
- This isn't about anything lifelong- it's about now and December 31st.
- I really want this to just hurry up and be over so that I can live the life I want to (not meaning eat what I want to but be able to do the things that I can't do now (ex:wear dresses) that I want to do).
- Seeing the #'s go down on the scale every week.

And honestly, I find myself stressed out, worried, striving, and feeling like a failure almost every single day.

Where did this come from? This journey was never about being perfect or feeling WORSE about myself- shoot, especially after losing 50lbs!

I think it's time that I face a reality that I NEVER wanted to face and literally everything in me wants to rebel against this thought but unless I accept it I don't know if I'll ever really see the true meaning of success come to pass for me...

This whole thing really isn't about losing 100lbs in a year. Sure, that would be a really cool "fruit" of my hardwork and is A goal, but THE goal is to NOT BE OBESE anymore and honestly if it takes me 14, 16, 18 months to get there then so be it.

I am embracing where I'm at in this journey and am going to take the steps I need to in order to get where I want to go. Fear of not succeeding is no longer going to hold me back or stress me out because that is NOT what this is all about- it's about becoming the person that God created me to be and not settling for anything less.

Goals are good- they help keep me focused, on track, and always striving to better myself- but that's really all they are: aids in getting to the actual goal- don't let them become stumbling blocks on your journey.

Here's what I've got planned for September:
* Write down all food intake in my food journal.
* Don't go over my 1700 calorie limit.
* Workout 3x's per week.
* I'd like to see myself at 287lbs by the end of the month but if it doesn't happen- it's OKAY- as long as I know I'm giving my all, I can't expect anything more.

Treat yourself with love today :)

That's it- I'm keeping it simple for this month- just working on the basics.

Days #242 & #243: WI & Much Needed Encouragement :)

Well, as expected (and talked about in my previous post) today's weigh in was pretty much what I expected:

Last Week's Weigh In: 298lbs
Weigh In's Throughout the week: Fluctuated around 300-301
Today's Weigh In: 299lbs

I swear, if it takes EVERYTHING I have (and it looks like it will), I will be below 298lbs next Wednesday!

I am thrilled to be seeing September! Not only because Fall is my FAVORITE season, but because I'm ready to say goodbye the slow weight loss that I saw this summer and hello to the kick-butt Tiffany I know I am and hopefully some really good weight loss numbers that will correspond.

Anyways, something pretty cool happened to me yesterday and I'm just delighted to share it all with you:

So I began the job that I am currently at at the beginning of April and probably haven't seen more than a 10lb weight loss since I've been there (corellation? haha) but needless to say, my co-workers really have no idea that I used to be 50lbs heavier than I currently am.

WELL...yesterday one of my co-workers stopped me and said that they had found (via facebook) the website for the outreach ministry I run and couldn't believe how different I look now from the pictures that are on the website.

Being that most days lately I struggle with even feeling like I've accomplished anything in regards to weight loss this was a nice pick me up and a reminder that I HAVE accomplished a lot. Sure, I'm not done- but I've certainly put a dent in it.

See ya'll tomorrow- gonna be sharing some new goals for the month of September :)