Friday, 17 December 2010
Days #346-#353: Progress Pics Installment #3
Friday, 10 December 2010
Days #314 - #345: Update Time :)
After a much needed month long break from blogging I'm checking in to provide an update on where I currently find myself in this journey, where I'm going, & how I intend on getting there, as well as just to say hi :)
So why the blogging break? I've been living life. There were countless times where I would feel such pressure to write even if I had nothing to say or didn't want to and that's really not what this is about. Some bloggers have found writing health blogs to be their new ultimate passion and hobby and while I think that is FANTASTIC and am thankful for the great tips and stories they share, I've come to the realization that while losing weight is in my top 5 priorities in life, health blogging is not even on my top 10 list of priorities AND that it's ok.
I enjoy chronicling my journey and writing about my thoughts and goals (which I have been privately doing at Sparkpeople) and if someone else can read this and be inspired- then great- but if not, it's really just for me anyways. So now that I'm sure I've convinced anyone reading this that I'm narcissistic and don't care about anyone reading my blog (which is certainly NOT the case), I'm happy to say that I know I plan on posting once a week and sharing updates and other misc. happenings.
So, update time!
- My current weight is 284lbs which brings me to a total weight loss of 68lbs! I am super happy about this and I am 100% doing the best I've ever done since beginning this journey.
- I set a goal a few months ago to have lost 70lbs by the time I fly home for Christmas (Dec 21st) and now that I'm only 2lbs away from that goal- I'm hoping to say I'll be able to reach it!
- A few weeks ago I switched gyms and joined my local YMCA and love it. It's affordable, has a community feel, and is less than 5 minutes away from my house (compared to the 30ish minutes that I was driving EACH way to my other gym).
- Last Saturday I hit a rather large fitness milestone in my mind when I exercised on the elliptical for 45 minutes! I've been doing 30 minutes for a few months now and have always felt that I was pretty maxed out at that so when I was able to do 45 minutes (and even felt like I could have kept going!) I was pretty proud. I just remember the days when I could only do 10 minutes before feeling like my heart would beat out of my chest.
- As far as my eating, it has been SO much more clean, natural, and FRUIT and VEGGIE filled than normal, which leads me to believe that it has contributed to my recent weight loss. I've been sticking to 5 (sometimes 6) small meals every day and have had some amazing success with resisting temptation- I truly feel like I've hit that turning point where I've become a different person and I LOVE IT.
Monday, 8 November 2010
Days #288 - #313: 1 Year Ago...
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Days #282 - #287: Random Soup
- I'm realizing I haven't come as far with my relationship with food as I thought I had. Earlier on in my journey I felt like food had kind of...lost it's power over me, but recently I just have been having the hardest time saying "no." Very soon I'm going to be exploring when/where/why these situations occur and how I can try and avoid/deal with them.
- Biggest Loser pretty much rocks my world. Sure, I can relate with some disgrunteled viewers who say that the extreme success the BL's see isn't healthy for the average dieter (ex: someone losing 20lbs in a week as was shown on last night's episode) but I can't even say how big of a motivator watching the show is for me- mainly for 2 reasons: #1) It shows me that I can ALWAYS be working harder. When I see people who are bigger than me working out harder than me- it pushes me to go harder. And #2) It doesn't allow me to feel sorry for myself- when I saw Aaron (who weighs 440lbs or so) do 10 two-minute sprints last night that pretty much just blew my whole idea of "because I am just under 300lbs I'm in no place to jog" right out the freaking window.
- Starting yesterday I am beginning to use an online calorie counting tool called "The Daily Plate;" this is a tool that used a while back and really enjoy- it allows me to chart my weight loss progress, figure out how many calories I should be eating each day to lose weight, informs me as to how many calories I am burning on average through certain activities, and most importantly- keep track of not only my calories but carbs, fat, sodium levels as well. I am only planning on tracking w/this online tool M-F because I know I won't do it on the weekends since I'm rarely in front of the computer and I'd just be setting myself up for failure if I said I would do it everyday so I'm going to be realistic and do just M-F. Anyone else ever use The Daily Plate?
- This past weekend we got in some really good community service time- it's always fun when exercise and serving others can coincide- here's a pic of our group!
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Days #279 - #281: From Fickle to Focused!
For some unexplained reason I've been eating like crap for the last 2 days. Now, by "eating like crap" I don't mean gorging myself on pizza or anything but I've definitely not been taking steps TOWARD my goal.
For accountability sake, I'll tell you all that I:
- Went out to dinner w/ a friend on Tuesday evening and ate WAYYYY too much bread.
- Had small donut yesterday morning even though I had already eaten breakfast.
- Ate french fries w/ my dinner yesterday.
- Choose to have 4-5 pretzel drums dipped in cinnamon sauce last night.
- And had another small donut this morning w/ a bottled vanilla frappuccino even though I already had breakfast.
Argh!!! I'm seriously mad at myself and I have EVERY reason to be- I know that all of those choices were STUPID.
But, unlike times in the past where I would have just given up I'm using this frusteration to fuel me and keep me focused to do my VERY BEST for the rest of today, tomorrow, and Saturday leading up to my weigh in on Sunday morning where I am SO hoping to hit 60 pounds lost! And, I'm also only 1 lb away from posting my next progress picture over there on the sidebar!
For example, I'm going out tonight with my girls to a new restaurant called Church Brew Works and I've already checked out the menu to decide what I'm going to get and will be eating my yummy homeade chili for lunch today.
I need to start focusing more on my goals and envisioning where I want to be b/c I've been at this TOO long to be doing stupid stuff like eating a donut that I really don't even want just because it's there. Lesson learned.
Monday, 4 October 2010
Days #273 - #278: Long, Short, and Short-er!
Being that the time is drawing near when I originally began this journey (Nov 8th) I've been doing a lot of reflecting about just how far I've come in a year- sure, I know I won't make my goal of losing 100lbs by December 31st (I've come to terms with that finally!) but I will have lost a significant amount of weight- something I have NEVER done before!
Like I said- I realize my original goal is not something that will happen but you know what? WHO CARES!?! My ultimate goal is not to lose 100lbs by December 31st, my ultimate goal is too lose all of my extra weight and I KNOW that will happen- whether that's on December 31st or any other date.
That's not to say that I'm still not setting goals- that is just in my blood (I do it in all areas of my life) and it gives me something to strive for and feel good about achieving; which is why I've recently set 2 new "short-term" weight loss goals to go along with my long-term one; in case you've never heard them they are:
*Long-Term Goal: To weigh 175lbs (a total loss of 177lbs)
*Short-Term Goal: To have lost 100lbs by March 26th (that is the date of the wedding I am in!)
*Short-er Term Goal: To have lost 75lbs by December 21st.
I am currently 16 pounds away from achieving my "short-er term goal" and I'm going after this with all I've got.
So why December 21st?
Well, I am originally from AZ (which is where all of my family lives) but moved to Pittsburgh awhile back and due to finances/timing I wasn't able to go home for Christmas last year but have already booked my ticket (ouch btw!) to fly home for Christmas this year...on December 21st! By that time I will have been away from home for 1 year and 6 months and it is one of my strongest desires to meet my family and friends in the airport and for their jaws to drop!
My family has always been very kind in regards to my being overweight- belive it or not I am the only overweight person in my family and I can probably count on both my hands the # of times anyone has ever mentioned my weight being an issue in my entire life; which I'm sure we can all agree is both a positive & negative thing. Regardless, I know they have all wanted me to lose weight for a LONG time- for my health and because well, they're my family!
They do know that I've been "losing weight" but none of them have any idea how much and I would be able to hold my head even higher being able to say that I've lost 75lbs! Granted, I know that 59lbs is something to be proud of too- but 75lbs is what I'm shooting for.
This was a picture of me during my last trip to AZ, so this is how they remember me:
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Days #269 - #272: Quick Update!
Anyone else loving them some Fall?! Being that I've lived in states with only 2 seasons for most of my life (AZ/FL)- I appreciate Fall even that much more.
So- let's talk. It's update time:
- I'm still in the midst of my $ challenge and doing wonderfully. I still can't believe how difficult it was for me to break the cycle of feeling the need to eat out for every meal but it really isn't even an issue anymore- I enjoy my cooking and I enjoy knowing what is going into the food I eat. I know a few of your mentioned you were going to be joining me for this experiment- how's it going?
- One of my newest creations is pizza on naan tandori bread (delicious!) Check it out!
Friday, 24 September 2010
Days #267 & #268: My $ Experiment!
1- No frivilous eating out; I can only eat out 1 meal per week each week (unless someone else offers to pay).
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
Days #263- #266: What do you BELIEVE?
Thanks for all of your sweet comments on the bridesmaid pictures- they meant a lot ;)
Here's a truth that a friend and I were talking about recently (in a different context) that I've just been itching to share: It is only a matter of time before we live our lives in a manner consistant with what we believe about ourselves.
Think about it- this is a truth that can be seen in a variety of different life situations, for example:
- Someone who has suffered from alcoholism swears to give up drinking and is successful for a few months; however, unless they come to a place in their mind where they truly believe that they can control their life and urge to drink and that they are not always destined to live a life of alcholism, many times it is only a matter of time before they find themselves all washed up again.
Why is this? Because LIFE CHANGE requires more than just a MENTAL DECISION it requires a CHANGE OF BELIEF.
This COMPLETELY applies to the journey that we are all on; ANYONE can make a MENTAL DECISION/UNDERSTAND that:
- Certain foods are unhealthy and cause weight gain.
- You plan/are going to exercise because that will help with weight loss.
- To not give into emotional eating or just the love of sweets/salty-goodness.
- That you are going to lose ____ amount of pounds.
- Etc. Etc. Etc. (Insert any other thing we've all "decided" along this journey).
But clearly, deciding these things/understanding them is NOT ENOUGH otherwise NO ONE would be obese or overweight- it takes something more than just understanding weight loss principles or even deciding with all of the determination in the world to do/not do something and truthfully (for LONG TERM success) it will even take more than just beginning to walk these principles/decisions out. Think about it- MOST people have enough determination and self-control to keep their "New Year's Resolutions" or goals for a few weeks, and if they are really strong-willed, maybe even a few months, but it takes something more to create LASTING CHANGE- and I believe that lies in the power of what we believe about ourselves.
I'm taking a moment (and I would challenge everyone to do the same) to evaluate what it is that I truly BELIEVE about myself in regards to this journey- in order to do that I think I need to answer questions like:
- Do I TRULY BELIEVE that I will no longer live the rest of my life being overweight or do I secretly believe that I may be able to keep this up for a while but that being overweight is how I will always life my life?
- Do I TRULY BELIEVE that being fit and athletic is possible for me? Or do I secretly believe I'm just saying it is?
- Do I TRULY BELIEVE that I am worth all of this effort?
- And most importantly: Do I TRULY BELIEVE that I am not the same person that I once was and that I am well on my way to becoming the person I desire to be.
How do I know this decision/understanding vs. belief thing is legit? Because there have been countless times that I've sat at a restaurant or at home late at night on my couch and when the thought of eating something that I know I shouldn't comes on my mind and I really start to rationalize whether I should eat it or not- there is always a lingering voice that says..."this really isn't going to matter, you know that sooner or later...you're going to give up or give in." No wonder that even if I say no that time, it really is only a matter of time before that very thing happens!
So what's the SOLUTION you ask? The only way that you or I are going to be truly successful for the long haul is to begin to change the way we believe about ourselves and this journey. Therefore, an even better questions becomes: How the heck do you do that? Well, I don't know completely, but here are some thoughts I am going to begin with EVERY morning and will keep in the front of my mind as I make decisions (and hopefully these thoughts will tranform into beliefs):
- I am the person that I want to become NOW- even while I'm still in an overweight place. People that have lost a significant amount of weight didn't just wake up one day and BAM! all of the weight was gone- NO- they saw each day/choice as representing a step that would take them closer to their goal. I need to believe that I won't just be that fit/conquering person what I've reached my goal, but that I am that person NOW- just in progress.
- I AM a person who has control over her life and over the food choices I make; I make healthy decisions because that is WHO I AM.
I am sure that I am nowhere near cracking the tip of the iceberg on this subject but I really feel like this is a key that will unlock many of the reasons that people fail when trying to lose weight.
What do you think? Can you identify with this at all on your journey?
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Days #259 - #262: I Bit the Bullet...
Wanna hear something AWESOME? When I first looked at the dress on the hanger I began to doubt if even the largest size they carried (a 26) would be big enough...I suddenly pictured myself having to come out of the dressing room and saying that not even the largest size would fit and then have to have the consultant tell me there were no bigger options and then the bride have to completely change her dress or something. Well, the 26 did fit; in fact, it was too big so I tried on the 24, and it was too big until finally I slipped into the perfect size 22! As I'm sure you can imagine, that felt great. The 22 is a little tight on me but I know that six months from now I will probably even need to go down a size (or two!).
It's so cool to be able to go into a store and not automatically have to try the biggest thing they have on there- I don't even know how long it's been since that has been the case but a long time. For sure, a size 22 is nothing to write home about but the fact that there are 2 sizes larger than that available just make me smile from ear to ear :) Not to mention, I bought a shirt today from LB in a size 14/16! Do you know how crazy that is!?!
It's just little things like these that are great motivators that push me to keep going!
For now, I can't wait until I go and pick up my dress in a month or so and be able to see how much better it fits :) I'm sure the picture below can show you some of the reasons I'm still not completely comfortable wearing something like this, but I will be!
Again- THANK YOU so much for your thoughtful, encouraging, and wise words of advice about this- it was your words that allowed me to come out of the dressing room with my head held high today :)
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Day #258: My NEW Motivation!
See that super cute couple up there? They happen to be 2 of my greatest friends and fellow staff members at my church and last weekend they asked me to be a bridesmaid in their upcoming wedding.
My immediate reaction can be described in 3 words: Excited. Honored. Scared.
Only a few months ago I wrote a post about how one of the many motivations I had for wanting to lose weight was because many of my good friends would be surely getting married soon and that I would never want any of them to even have to think for one second whether they would want me in their wedding or how having only 1 obese bridesmaid would ruin the pictures or about how they wouldn't be able to have the bridesmaid dresses they want because it wouldn't flatter my figure, etc. I see even as I write this how sad these statements are and I'm sure none of my friends would refrain from putting me in their wedding but I just hate that any of the above thoughts would even cross their minds- or more importantly- that they've crossed mine.
Well, needless to say I had figured that I wouldn't have to worry about this situation for at least a little bit but clearly, not the case because I'll be walking down the aisle as one of the 8 bridesmaids in this wedding on March 26th! I've got to say that I was completely STOKED when they first asked me because I've actually never been in a wedding before as a bridesmaid and I simply adore this couple; however, the fear/reality set in when I received an email just yesterday that this is the dress the bridesmaids will be wearing:
Egh.
I mean, it's not an ugly dress by any means but at this point I am in NO way comfortable wearing it. Why? Because my arms and legs are the things that I am the most self-conscious about. Truthfully, I don't hate that it's strapless, my arms look much better now than they did when I started this journey but my legs....uhhh...that's a different story. A much different story.
I have not worn shorts or anything above the knee in...well...10 years?
The GOOD news about this situation: The wedding isn't until March which means that I still have 7 months to continue to lose weight and get my body to a place that I feel a million times more comfortable wearing the dress. In fact, this is GREAT news for me because I can't even tell you how much of a motivator this is for me- I know this isn't my wedding and the spotlight is not going or supposed to be on me- BUT I want to look freaking smashing. Furthermore, I know that when we take the wedding party pics that I will be the heaviest girl (believe me, I know all of the other bridesmaids and I'm pretty sure 3 of them weigh under 125lbs and not a single one weighs above 155lbs but I am guessing that I will have lost at least 100lbs by that point and will be able to hold my head up high.
Ready for the BAD news: We are trying on the bridesmaid dresses this Saturday. Seriously, I feel panicked about this. Why? Well....
- I do not think I am going to be comfortable wearing this dress right now- like for real. I do NOT show my legs above/at my knees at all-ever! And I know that the bride is going to want to see me with it on. Eh.
- All of the bridesmaids that live in our area (like 4) are going to be their try try it on and I'm definitely NOT wanting to try it on in front of them.
So for real- I NEED YOUR ADVICE! I seriously don't know what to do! I've been kicking around several different ideas and all of them seem to have a little bit of good/bad idea-ness in them- I feel like I have the following options:
Option #1) Not go on Saturday when everyone else goes. Good Idea: I won't have to try it on in front of everyone. Bad Idea: The bride would probably be a little disappointed and I would miss out on the fun.
Option #2) Go and suck it up. Good Idea: It will be done and over with and the bride's feelings won't be burt. Bad Idea: Everyone will see me and I will feel mortified.
Ay. yay. yay. HELP! What should I do?
I know this may not seem like a big deal to anyone else and that I'm overreacting but everyone has that "thing" that they just feel super uncomfortable about and this is probably the first time I've felt pressured into bearing mine to the world (or at least my little world)! Can anyone else relate to this or have any advice for me?
Either way I know that the end result will be great because I will be wearing a dress in March that just seven months prior to I was feeling *this* horrible about- it will be a great moment- it's just a little...terrifying right now.
Days #251 - #257: Weighing In & Catching Up!
I got a workout to say the least :)
I have some really exciting (and a tad bit scary) news to share with everyone tomorrow- can't wait!
Wednesday, 8 September 2010
Days #246 - #250: Exciting Workout News!
Alright...where to start!?
So since really working hard to get back on track at the end of July I have basically only been focusing on eating right and not exercising at all. I had began to think that exercise really wasn't what I needed to put all my energy in right now and that because I have so much weight left to lose, I could put it off until I drop another 40lbs or so. Well, looking at my weight loss pattern from the last month and a half- clearly that theory wasn't working so well. And after realizing that I not only need to exercise to lose weight but that it really is a desire of mine to become physically fit, I decided to schedule a lunch with a friend of mine who also happens to be a personal trainer.
I can't lie, the situation was a little awkard since weight loss or exercise has never really been a topic in any of our discussions, but I've really been feeling like I've hit a wall with my fitness knowledge and ideas and need that extra "push." So- we met, we lunched, we chatted about weight loss and exercise, and we decided to make a workout date for that very evening!
I brought her to the local community center gym that I'm currently a member of (but that I will soon have to leave because of how far it is from where I live/work) and while we walked the indoor track she poured out countless pearls of wisdom (that I'm SO excited to share with ya'll throughout this week).
We've decided that because of time & money that neither of us can commit to meeting weekly but that she will instead be giving me gym "homework" and we have committed to at least meeting bi-weekly to evaluate my progress. I really do desire to be crazy fit and I'm willing to put in the work- I just need some guidance and accountability.
So here is my new workout regimin:
* Gym 3x's a week (Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays) w/ 30 minutes on the elliptical, 15 minutes on the upright bike, and 1 cycle through the circuit equipment (1x per week).
* Beach Castle Body Workout 2x's a week (Mondays & Fridays) at home.
Wondering what the Beach Castle Body Workout is? It's a quick, metabolism-boosting, workout that can be done anywhere that my personal trainer/friend made up that uses mostly your own body weight as resistance and literally takes all of 15 minutes! She does it every day and swears by it :) **This in NO WAY is meant to replace a cardio/strength training routine, but is simply good to supplement it. Interested in trying it out?
Beach Castle Body Workout:
- 15 shoulder rolls
- 15 Jumping Jacks
- 15 seconds of the plank
- 30 Bicycle crunches
- 15 Burpees
- 15 Skydivers
- 15 lunges (per side)
And there you have it friends! If you aren't sure what any of the above exercises are a quick google search will have the answer at your fingertips!
There have been times throughout my life that I will pretend that I don't want something that I actually really do want just so that no one will feel bad for me for not having it- and being fit is one of those things. I have pretended like I don't care that I can't run or don't have ripped arms or can't wear dresses, sleeveless shirts, or high heels but you know what? I DO CARE. A LOT.
LET IT BE KNOW: I, Tiffany, WANT TO BE RIPPED. I want to be SO super freaking fit. And I WILL GET THERE. I don't care if it takes me another 2 years- I will get there. One day at a time, one good choice at a time.
Mark my words.
How about you? :)
Friday, 3 September 2010
Days #244 & #245: Gulp (for freedom) :)
When I first started out on this journey my focus was all about:
- Understanding what got me to the point I was at (weighing 352lbs)
- Learning how to eat in a healthy way.
- Changing my mindset about food.
- Proving to myself that I could do things I never thought possible- specifically in regards to exercise.
After losing 50lbs, entering a 3 month unplanned maintenance break, and now seeing that I only have 4 months to make my goal of losing 100lbs this year...
I now find myself constantly having my focus being:
- I've got to lose this weight so that I can make my goal.
- This isn't about anything lifelong- it's about now and December 31st.
- I really want this to just hurry up and be over so that I can live the life I want to (not meaning eat what I want to but be able to do the things that I can't do now (ex:wear dresses) that I want to do).
- Seeing the #'s go down on the scale every week.
And honestly, I find myself stressed out, worried, striving, and feeling like a failure almost every single day.
Where did this come from? This journey was never about being perfect or feeling WORSE about myself- shoot, especially after losing 50lbs!
I think it's time that I face a reality that I NEVER wanted to face and literally everything in me wants to rebel against this thought but unless I accept it I don't know if I'll ever really see the true meaning of success come to pass for me...
This whole thing really isn't about losing 100lbs in a year. Sure, that would be a really cool "fruit" of my hardwork and is A goal, but THE goal is to NOT BE OBESE anymore and honestly if it takes me 14, 16, 18 months to get there then so be it.
I am embracing where I'm at in this journey and am going to take the steps I need to in order to get where I want to go. Fear of not succeeding is no longer going to hold me back or stress me out because that is NOT what this is all about- it's about becoming the person that God created me to be and not settling for anything less.
Goals are good- they help keep me focused, on track, and always striving to better myself- but that's really all they are: aids in getting to the actual goal- don't let them become stumbling blocks on your journey.
Here's what I've got planned for September:
* Write down all food intake in my food journal.
* Don't go over my 1700 calorie limit.
* Workout 3x's per week.
* I'd like to see myself at 287lbs by the end of the month but if it doesn't happen- it's OKAY- as long as I know I'm giving my all, I can't expect anything more.
Treat yourself with love today :)
That's it- I'm keeping it simple for this month- just working on the basics.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
Days #242 & #243: WI & Much Needed Encouragement :)
Last Week's Weigh In: 298lbs
Weigh In's Throughout the week: Fluctuated around 300-301
Today's Weigh In: 299lbs
I swear, if it takes EVERYTHING I have (and it looks like it will), I will be below 298lbs next Wednesday!
I am thrilled to be seeing September! Not only because Fall is my FAVORITE season, but because I'm ready to say goodbye the slow weight loss that I saw this summer and hello to the kick-butt Tiffany I know I am and hopefully some really good weight loss numbers that will correspond.
Anyways, something pretty cool happened to me yesterday and I'm just delighted to share it all with you:
So I began the job that I am currently at at the beginning of April and probably haven't seen more than a 10lb weight loss since I've been there (corellation? haha) but needless to say, my co-workers really have no idea that I used to be 50lbs heavier than I currently am.
WELL...yesterday one of my co-workers stopped me and said that they had found (via facebook) the website for the outreach ministry I run and couldn't believe how different I look now from the pictures that are on the website.
Being that most days lately I struggle with even feeling like I've accomplished anything in regards to weight loss this was a nice pick me up and a reminder that I HAVE accomplished a lot. Sure, I'm not done- but I've certainly put a dent in it.
See ya'll tomorrow- gonna be sharing some new goals for the month of September :)
Monday, 30 August 2010
Days #237- #241: A Woman Scorned.
Why? Because for the last 2 weeks my weight has remained exactly the same despite any changes that I've made in my eating- no matter what every time I stand on the scale it reads 298lbs which definitely frusterates me but hey- I'm level headed in knowing that at least I'm not gaining.
WELL- yesterday morning I stepped on the scale hoping to see a little piece of encouragement from my flawless eating from the day before and what did I see? 301!?!?! How the FRICK do I gain 3lbs when I've been trying harder in the last week then I have in the last 3 months of not gaining/losing anything!!?
Up until yesterday I had never been able to relate to bloggers who have written about being so emotionally thrown by the scale but boy did I feel it yesterday! I was SO mad when I saw that # yesterday- it's like the scale was telling me: "Nope, sorry- you're done losing weight- no matter how hard you try I'm not going to let you!"
And I fell face forward into the trap that SO many have talked about but I had never fallen into myself prior to yesterday- I ate out of anger for the lack of results.
I ate an okay breakfast and had lunch over at a friends but when I came home only a few hours later I ate perogies and a bowl of cereal just because I wanted to- then I had a large icee when i went to the movies and followed it up with a burger and fries for dinner! I was seriously SO mad that even though it doesn't make any sense I felt like I was somehow punishing "someone" and making "whoever" pay for makign me "suffer" in eating healthy and not getting results- all the while not being rational and realizing that the only person I am punishing when I do that is MYSELF.
Needless to say I woke up today with a "food hangover" of sorts and am needing to detox from the sugar, grease, and fat I ingested yesterday. I know all of the reasons that could explain WHY I gained those 3lbs (sodium, T.O.M., etc.) but it all just feels like a cop out to me. I think the most possible rational explanation is that I have hit some sort of plateu and since I'm not working out right now I can't get away with the amount of slack that I've given myself in the past with eating.
I KNOW WHAT I WANT and I will do WHATEVER it takes to ACHIEVE MY GOAL.
I know that this includes continuing to count all of my calories (which I've been doing recently), cut down on the carbs a bit, continue to drink water like I'm a fish (wait- do fish drink water? lol), and also begin to exercise again (this is going to take some more thought/discussion).
Ahhhh- I know this will be worth all of the frusteration and slip ups in the end- just gotta keep moving forward.
To end on a positive note- here is a pic I snapped of me wearing my new favorite shirt! It is originally from Lane Bryant (I saw it there but didn't get it because it was $40) but I picked it up at Gabriel Brothers last weekend for $8! The coolest part? It is an 18/20- I used to wear at least a 22/24 and sometimes a 26/28 in shirts there :)
Ahh- I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous for what Wednesday's weigh in will bring as far as the # on the scale, but I know ONE THING- I will keep on going 100% regardless of what it says!
Peace ya'll!
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Day #236: What happened in Vegas is STAYING in Vegas!
In some of my earliest posts I shared more of the deeper reasons why being 352lbs was no longer an option for me but lately there have been a lot of new reasons that have served as sobering wake up calls and were the fuel to the fire that is lit up under my bum!
My Thursday reason for working to lose 100lbs this year...
At the beginning of last month my roomate's amazing boss suprised us both by sending us to Las Vegas for the weekend to attend a charity event for him that he couldn't make himself- yes, it's okay...be jealous! :)
I really didn't know much about we were going to be doing there or who all would be there but boy was I in for a suprise! Come to find out we were attending Garth Brook's charity gala weekend which is comprised (interestingly enough) of professional atheletes. Throughout the weekend we had a ton of fun- we got to walk the Strip, do some gambling, enjoyed a private concert by Garth himself!, shopping, and stayed at one of the best hotels in Vegas (The Wynn!) all for FREE! It was amazing!
Despite all of the fun, the 2nd night of the trip was...not so good. That evenig there was a cocktail event and dinner that we were expected to attend and as my roommate and I were getting ready in our hotel room for this elegant event I began to realize just how much my weight has effected my ability to get all dressed up and feel...well, sexy. I guess I've never realized this before because, well HELLO, it's not every day that I attend cocktail parties and "red carpet"ish events- and I have found a way to feel very comfortable (and attractive) in my normal every day life- but not this night. My roomate got all dressed up in this hot black dress and super cute heels while I wore black dress pants, a flowy blouse, flats, and a cardigan.
As we walked down the entrance to the grand ballroom and all of the professional athlete's trophy wives came into sight I suddenly felt like I wanted to crawl under a rock. I seriously was the ONLY girl there not wearing a dress and that weighed above 160lbs- seriously, I checked. As my roommate and I walked the room I felt like she was a celebrity and I was her manager or something- it was ridiculous because I NEVER feel like this in "real life." Again, I just wanted to run behind one of the long heavy curtains and stay there until the party was over- it was horrible.
Now, if you've read my blog for an extended period of time you would know that I generally do not struggle with my appearance or self-esteem; heck- that is the very reason it took me so long to even begin this journey- the way I look has never really been a huge issue for me. In fact, it often feels extremely foreign to me to hear other girls say that they are ugly or fat- but for the first time, I could completely identify with them that night in Vegas.
Now, the logical side of me is saying : "Tiffany, it's not about looks- it's about inner beauty, those girls didn't have anything on you...blah, blah, blah." And I FULLY believe and know that it is my character, integrity,and personality that make me- and I'm okay with that. HOWEVER, I don't like feeling like the scum of the earth simply because of my looks. That night I vowed to continue on this journey so that I would NEVER have to feel that way again.
Not sure exactly when/where, but when I have finally hit my goal weight I am going to buy a sleeveless dress, put on some heels, and go out into a similar type setting (all of which I NEVER do now) and enjoy feeling like everyone else.
So that is my reason for losing this weight today: I want to be able to go out in any social situation and not feel like the literal "elephant in the room." So in this case, what happened in Vegas will most definitely be STAYING in Vegas!
Check out some pics from our trip!
Garth's wife, Trisha Yearwood, singing at the charity concert!
The view of Garth from our front row table!
Anyone ever been in a similar situation with feeling like the ugly duckling in the room?
Well, NO MORE for me! :)
Days #230- #235: Delusional No More
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Day #229: Planning for the Unplanned.
Anyone have any on-the-go breakfast suggestions to share?
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
Day #222- #228: Learning to Celebrate! :)
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Day #221: Wednesdays are for Weigh Ins- Super Special Edition! :)
Thanks for all of your encouraging words on yesterday's post- I really needed to hear that other people believe I can achieve my goal and not just me :) So basically... you rock!
I used to do my weekly weigh ins on Sundays (but mostly because that was when a group that I was doing my Biggest Loser competition was having their weigh ins) but I've now decided to weigh-in on Wednesdays! And because today just so happens to be Wednesday... it's time for a weigh in!
It has been a long time since I've posted a weigh in on here and I'm happy to annouce that I'm down 2lbs and even more ELATED to announce that I have officially broken the 300lb mark and have a 2 in front of my weight!!
Previous Weight: 300lbs
Current Weight: 298lbs
I honestly do not remember the last time I looked at the scale and was under 300lbs in the last...7-8ish years? So today is a good day :)
And if my math is correct, I will need to lose an avg of 10 pounds per month in order to make my goal of losing 100lbs in a year- it's going to be tough but I KNOW that I can and WILL do it!
How is everyone else doing on their 2010 goals?
Have a great wednesday ya'll! Today, this girl is all SMILES :)
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
Day #220: Where I find Myself.
Yesterday (as I mentioned in my little "Hi" post), I spent a bit of time checking in on some of the bloggers that I've truly connected with since beginning this blog. It had honestly been about 2 months since I had really gotten to just sit down and read and I can't tell you how BLOWN away I was to come back to these blogs and see how much progress some of you have made! Perhaps most noteworthy- Julia , who since beginning her weight loss journey (which I believe was about the same time I did...so about 9 months ago) has lost over 100lbs! W.O.W. Needless to say, you all have someone applauding you all in your corner because the fact is- you are still here and still losing- and that IS what this is all about.
So...where am I in all of this? That is the question that I feel like I can't move on in this blog or my journey at all really without answering. I am compelled to analyze where I am in my journey and decide if I've failed or succeeded- those are really the only 2 options that I feel like I have. The truth of the matter is that for the past 3 months I've really just been maintaining my weight loss- I have exercised less than a handful of times, eaten carelessly many handfuls more, and tried to almost forget the journey I've been on since last November- and to me that would mean all signs point in the direction of...failure.
But here's MY reality- I have lost 50lbs and am HALFWAY to my goal of losing 100lbs this year. I have NOT FAILED because it is not December 31st yet and this is NOT over. Sure, I may have had 3 months of not doing my best- but I didn't gain back all of my weight- and for some reason, I feel as though I have.
But at this point I realize I have 2 options to choose from:
#1: I can feel bad that I have wasted these past 3 months of just maintaining and not losing any weight. Compare myself to others and their weight loss and feel bad about myself. Listen to the voice in my head saying I can't do this, and basically allow all of that negativity to make me just...stop. And then come January 2011 I would be finding myself making the same resolution again and probably close to being back at my starting weight.
OR
#2: I can accept that I didn't lose any weight in the last 3 months and let it serve as a sober reminder to me that just because I've lost 50lbs does not mean that I'm a shoe-in for losing the next 50 and that my whole self isn't magically rewired into being a health food eating exercising robot, I'm human and I've got choices to make. I can work my BUTT off these next 5 months and prove to myself that I CAN do this and live the life that I deserve to have. I will move forward accepting that I'm human and remembering that my goal in this journey is not perfection but perserverance.
There is 145 days left in this year and I intend to make every one of them a day that get's me closer to my goal- EVERY STEP- a one forward!
Whew! Alright- that was Tiffany's motivational speech for the day :)
Real quick before I go- I have hit the jackpot! No- not in money...but in another kind of green- SALAD!! Now I know that to some salad may be a 4 letter word but I really love it but because I am a freak about the taste of certain salad dressings and the cleanliness of produce that I don't wash myself I rarely get salads on the go which is stinky because I eat on the go A LOT.
Well, problem solved thanks to Breugger's Bagels! Not sure where they are located throughout the country but they have an option to build you own salad that I'm just crazy about. All of the ingredients are super fresh and are not just your typical salad bar ingredients- they whip it all up in a big bowl right in front of you (not just grab a pre-packaged one of out a refridgerator in "the back") and it is the right size and everything! Sure, you have to be careful what toppings you put on it and how much dressing you ask for but just like in any situation- there's always that choice to be made.
Wanna see my yummy creation? Or at least what was left over of it after I scarfed it down in the car :) (I know, I know...dangerous! lol)
I put tomatoes, asiago cheese, red onion, and 1 scoop (possibly 1 and 1/2 table spoons) of caesar dressing in mine. Personally, I would rather have my salad be a little dry with really yummy dressing than a lot of yucky light dressing. Just my opinion :)
Alright friends- make today one you are proud of!