Going to the Chapel...

Back in September some of you may remember when I almost didn't attend the dress fitting for a wedding I had be invited to be a bridesmaid in because I was SO nervous & insecure about being seen with my arms & legs exposed (which I still never show) in the teeny-weeny little bridesmaid dress the bride had picked out for us. I came to you all on this blog asking for your advice about whether I should go or not, you kicked me in the bum and told me to get over myself and go, I went, and was glad I did.

Well, the wedding was this past weekend and since the time I tried on the dress at the bridal shop I've lost 25lbs which led to quite the crisis when I (stupidly!) waited to try on my dress until the night before the wedding and discovered that the even though I bought the dress SUPER tight because I was planning to lose weight before the wedding, it was still at least a full size too big! All I can say is, thank you safety pins! Wanna see some before and & after pics in the dress?

Before (September 2010)

After (March 2011)

I don't think I can even explain what this wedding did for me. It was probably one of the most impactful events in my journey of weight loss thus far.

This weekend I:

• FINALLY, finally, FINALLY began to see that my body really has changed in these last 85lbs. Because I've pretty much always been naive about what my body really looks like (even when I weighed 352lbs), I likewise don't always see the positive changes that are happening and still picture myself sometimes as though I haven't changed at all. Seeing pictures from this weekend has finally begun to change that & it is a very crazy amazing thing.
• Felt free enough to just be me in the body that I have right now. I was pushed wayyyy outside my comfort zone even now in showing my legs and upper arms but at some point I just decided to refuse to allow the specialness of the weekend to be overshadowed by insecurities caused by things that aren't going to change in a weekend (my arms/legs) and just enjoy the moment. I can't even express how liberating it was to forget that I weighed about 100lbs more than every other bridesmaid and just have fun.
• Have had at least 10 people send me messages on facebook saying how great I look or asking what I'm doing to lose weight since posting pics from the wedding. This truly has flabergasted me as it literally hasn't been until this wedding that A LOT of people have noticed the change, even though I've been on this journey for over a year- it was seriously as if they thought it happened overnight or something (I wish!! haha). This encouragement really couldn't come at a better time as I haven't been necessarily seeing the weight loss #'s that I would like.

I'm finally beginning to appreciate the work that I've put in so far to my body and ready to see how much further I'll come when I'm in my best friends wedding this coming August; this wedding will undoubtedly be the most important wedding to me (other than my own obviously) and I really just want to be able to completely not focus at all on my body that day but on my bff. We have already picked the dress out and it's going to be the same story as the dress I just wore- short and sleeveless- and I plan to be more than ready. My goal is to be at least 40 pounds lighter than I am now (so in the 220's) at her wedding.

I would just like to thank those of you who encouraged me to go to the dress fitting- I don't think I would have gone without your encouragement.

**P.S- I haven't gotten a chance to visit the blogs of you amazing readers who introduced yourself a few posts ago but I am greatly looking forward to getting to know you better and checking out your journeys by the end of the week!**

To the Disappointed, Tempted, & facing Resistance:

To my friends who have been scorned by the scale after a week of honest "trying":

(Preface: This isn't for those who have been binging on pizza all week long & haven't spent more than an hour working out all week. This is for those who have put in the work & the scale is honestly not reflecting the work you've put in).

If you find yourself this week in the same position I found myself in this morning, stepping on the scale and seeing a +1 when you were hoping for -2 and you just want to run into your room, slam yourself into your bed, pull up the covers & cry for about 30 minutes, then you need to have the same epiphany I had just an hour or so ago...

Anytime we run into 3 things on this journey we have the opportunity to either use it as an excuse to fall back into the destructive habits that are making us unhappy & unhealthy OR to use it as needed motivation for doing even better & committing more to ourselves & this process- these 3 things are: disappointment, temptation, and resistance. And the question is not IF we will encounter these things as we change our lives, because we WILL- & if we haven't decided ahead of time how we will handle them, then the emotions that they cause will almost always lead us into choosing the first option (read: ordering a #1 from Burger King).

• Disappointment WILL come when: we don't see what we think we should on the scale (which realistically happens), & when it is taking WAY longer to make it to our goal weight than we had originally planned.
• Temptation DOES come when: Well shoot...when does it not!? haha No, but for real- when our co-worker brings in a pound cake for everyone or buys the whole office pizza and the salad you brought suddenly looks like rabbit food, when you go out for dinner for your friends birthday and the complimentary chocolate cake comes to the table & you just want to indulge since it's a "special occasion," and temptation will most definitely rear its ugly head after you've had a sucky weigh in that morning & lunch comes around and you just want to throw it all out the window since it seems like your not progressing anyways. Yes- temptation comes every. single. day.
• Resistance WILL come when: Your schedule somehow has completely filled up with activities & events that leave you with no time to work out, you (or a family member) gets sick and you aren't able to make it to the gym, you suffer an injury that means you have to modify your work outs, or perhaps you even have a friend/family member in your life that is seeminly trying to sabotage your new way of life.

THESE THINGS HAPPEN (sometimes daily) and we cannot ALLOW them to rule our lives. Key word: ALLOW. Surely, we do not have a choice whether temptation, disappointment, or resistance will come b/c that is out of our control; however, we do have a choice how we will ALLOW them to effect the rest of our day/week moving forward.

I already told you how I felt this morning (and the feeling still lingers a bit) when I gained a pound: like I suck, that I'll never be able to weigh less than this, and that all of the great decisions I made this past week were not worth it and didn't mean anything. Um. LIES!

I had to recognize this situation as another golden opportunity to commit even more to myself & this process as well as use this frusteration as motivation to do even better in this upcoming week.

We have to accept that the disappointments, temptations, & resistance we face on this journey are NOT indicators that we aren't doing well or that something is wrong with us but just an indicator that we are making a life change & that will never come easily regardless of what you're trying to do (quit smoking, raise children, etc.)

Friends, no matter which of the 3 you have been facing this week- know that it isn't a sign of your impending doom. Accept that you can be and are just as strong as you want to be and use it as an opportunity to become that much stronger- not ALLOWING ANYTHING to hold you back or stand in your way!

Let's. Do. This.

Introduce YO-SELF!

Hi friends!

This is going to be a quick one today. A realllll quick one. First off- today was weigh in day!

Previous Weeks Weight: 270lbs

This Weeks Weight: 267lbs

Result: -3lbs!!!

Total Loss: 85lbs!!!

Meaning:

* Only 5 more pounds until a new progress pic!

* Only 15 more pounds until I hit my first major milestone of losing 100lbs!!!!!!!! 

Sweetness.

Anyways, my REAL reason for this quick post is because I have a REQUEST: If you are someone who follows my blog (regardless of how long it's been), please leave a comment on this post introducing yourself to me so that I can begin to follow your journey as well!

There came a point a few months back that the pressure to read and comment on everyone's blogs became too much so I pretty much just stopped following anyone "new" and only continued following those I had been since the very beginning of my journey. Sadly, many of those bloggers have either now fallen off the face of the Earth, made a decision to stop blogging, or for reasons that I'm sure will sound harsh & offend some- I just can't take the whining anymore. Anyways, I would really like to offer mutual support & encouragement to those who have stumbled upon my blog so even just a quick "Hi!" comment will do!

Hope everyone has had a kick bum week and is ready to take on the weekend with fists up ready to fight anything that will try and stand in your way of becoming exactly the person you want to be!

Peace out girl scouts!

I leave ya'll w/ a pic of me and one of my besties from this past weekend- as a staff we went to a bed & breakfast in Ohio for the weekend and we couldn't resist snapping a quick pic in the hot tub as soon as we got to our room!

March Weeks 1 & 2 Recap: Chili, Old Clothes & a Bravo!

HOWDY Friends!!!

As usual, lots has been going on- lots of healthy new eats, new thought patterns, new goals, new accomplishments, & the new me is slowly emerging!

I seem to think more clearly in organized bullet points (go figure!) so here's what's new:

Yumminess:

As I've shared before, I always spend my Sunday afternoons doing my prep cooking for the week (read: I would be doing fast food runs every night if I didn't) and last week I enjoyed my most delicious pot of chili yet! What's in it? Well: lean ground turkey, black beans, light red kidney beans, garlic, 2 cans crushed tomatoes, some chili seasoning, topped off with some sharp cheddar cheese and BAM deliciousness for 450 calories a bowl (if you take the cheese out you'll save yourself approx 90 calories but since lunch is my biggest meal of the day I went for it!). I just put all the ingredients in my crock pot, forget about it for 5 hours, and viola all my lunches for the week are made!

Happy Trails, My Friend, Because NOW we say GOODBYE!

Saturday I found myself in a cleaning/organizing frenzy and decided to go through my dresser drawers and pitch anything that I don't/can't wear anymore- the result is the picture you see above (MINUS the few biggest pair of pants I kept as a memory- something I'll be able to take pics w/ after I hit my goal weight!). Yes, I've seen the #'s on the scale go down and have felt my pants get baggier but it was truly SO crazy to put on my biggest pair of pants (size 28's) that I used to wear ALL the time and now look just absolutely ridiculous on me. Wanna see?

Although this may not be the most flattering picture, the saggy bum, extra tummy room, and the fact that my pants are now dragging on the floor show some sign of progress right?? In fact, I am now comfortably in a size 22- this is seriously a size I haven't been in since I was like 16 years old- truthfully, I don't even know if I believe I can really be a size 20 it's that far removed from how I've been the last 8 years. I know it will happen, but I'll be standing there with my jaw on the floor when it does :)

Speaking of, check out my size LARGE cardigan that I got from Old Navy a few weeks ago! I kind of feel bad for being so excited about such vain things but while these may not seem like a big deal or accomplishment to many people- it is HUGE to me because it is thing I never thought would happen. Yay!

BRAVO Panera!!!

I have been hearing some rave reviews about Panera's new Thai Chopped Chicken Salad that clocks in at only 390 calories for a whole serving so I decided to check it out for myself- my review- pretty darn decent. It is definitely filling, flavorful, and tasty! I would like to put a warning out there though- it is pretty spicy- not unbearrable, but it definitely has a kick.

I would like to hand out my first official BRAVO to Panera Bread for their new addition of calorie amounts to their in-store menu! Panera has always been good about providing the nutritional information of their food online, but when I stopped in to get my yummy salad and saw that they are now posting the calorie info for each item right on the menu I WAS ECSTATIC! Call me crazy but I firmly believe that all restaurants should be required to post at least the calorie amounts to all their foods on their menus. Sure, people are still going to make unhealthy choices but I would feel better knowing that people CHOSE to make the decision to eat a 1200 calorie meal b/c they knew and understood how bad it was & just didn't care and not because they truly didn't know & don't understand nutrition. Yes, I know people can go online and look up all the nutritional info but we all know that that isn't always a realistic option.

For example, just from looking on the wall menu at Panera I was able to compare my old favorite meal (You pick 2 potato soup & caesar salad) vs. the new meal I had (Thai Chopped Chicken Salad) and just with some quick math make a decision that saved me 250 calories!

There's plenty more I have to share but I'm running low on time SO I'll leave you with a quick picture clue as to what's been going on and what the topic of my next post will be... BYE YA'LL!

Losing Control- In a GOOD Way.

Why the face?? Well, most of you should recognize this face as that of a person who is not so excited about the lack of progress on the scale. See? I knew you'd recognize it.

Last Weeks WI: 270

This Weeks WI: 270

Result: No loss/No gain

I actually can't really complain- and after the last few days I've had, I was just happy not to see a gain and NOT because I haven't been eating well (b/c I have!) but because I haven't worked out since Sunday. Why haven't I worked out since Sunday? Because for the last 3 days I haven't even been able to walk (let alone sit down, go up/down stairs, get out of bed) without intense pain. 

What's causing this pain? JZ. No, I'm not talking about the rapper- JZ is my old friend/newfound trainer.

Here's how the story goes:

In the earlier days of this blog I talked about how I really don't like to tell very many people about my weightloss journey- now if they ask, I'll certainly tell them but it's something that is personal & although it may sound rude, I really just don't want the opinions of people regarding what I should/shouldn't be doing/eating/etc., unless I'm asking for them. It can easily get overwhelming when everyone shares an idea of what works/what doesn't and that makes my perfectionist mind just want to quit since I don't know who or what to believe and don't want to do something wrong. Can anyone else relate?

Well, I recently became good friends with someone (aka JZ) who runs multiple women's bootcamps here in the Pittsburgh area and although we're good friends- I never decided to tell him about my weight loss journey- mostly because it just never came up and I wasn't really sure what would come of it. WELL, the other day the subject finally did come up and after I told him I've lost 82lbs, he seemed kind of surprised/offended that I hadn't told him this earlier because he would be more than happy to help me reach my future goals and wanted to talk more about what I had been doing regarding fitness.

My initial reaction- fear. Not because I was afraid of him or the workouts he might make me do- but a fear of losing control of this journey. Since the begining I've been the person guiding my weight loss, deciding what I could/couldn't do physically and it honesetly freaked me the heck out and almost into a panic to think of letting someone else begin to decide those things for me.

Last Saturday we sat down and talked just about everything having to do with my journey- most of it having to do with my thinking (which he knows (and I agree) is really what success rides on), but also my nutrition (which we both agree is on point), and then my workouts. After talking about fitness for over an hour- I felt like my world had been completely turned upside down- SO much of what I thought was true about working out and how our bodies work in regards to weight loss is simply not true. In my next post I will be sharing the details of my new fitness routine and how I'm having to unlearn almost everything I "knew" but for now know that after our first training session this past Sunday, my legs almost gave out on me when I was leaving down the stairs!

And, needless to say I have been more sore these past 3 days that I have EVER been in my life and per my research- even if I had wanted to work out, I shouldn't as my muscles had clearly not repaired themselves yet. Anyone else have any thoughts/info about working out when you're sore?

Anyhoo, I am SO excited to begin exercising again tomorrow (today will be my last day of rest as there is still a twinge of pain) and to see how my results change as I will be drastically changing my fitness routine. Again, I'll be sharing lots of info about this with you all soon enough- just want to get one week & one weigh in first!

Have a great rest of the week & weekend ya'll- and remember- everytime you say NO to something you are craving or tempted by- you are saying YES to yourself (& vice versa)- just a little tip for the day! :)

My Weekly Food Routine & 1st Group Fitness Class!

I am just beyond words excited for the changes that have been happening in my life lately.

No major life change has happened, but my point of view, focus, determination, and thought process has completely changed. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, I am beginning to be able to visualize the person I will become and the body I will have, I am gaining the control that I so desperately wanted to have over my food choices and impulses- in short: I AM BECOMING THE PERSON GOD CREATED ME TO BE in so many different ways. Not that God wasn't happy or didn't love me at 352lbs but I know that I wasn't glorifying Him with the choices I was making, nor was I a good reflection of a life that has been completely satisfied by Him. More on that another time.

Here are some Highlights & Updates from the last week:

• FOOD: One of the most VITAL keys to my success has been food preparation. Becasue it is hard for me to control myself when eating out (although I still do it quite often) as well as it being expensive, I usually bring my lunch to work every week (M-F). However, because I don't have time in the mornings to cook and pack a lunch everyday, I do ALL of my food prep and packing on Sundays. Luckily, I don't have a hard time eating the same thing for lunch everyday, but if I don't like what I'm eating then it becomes difficult to do that week in and week out- so, I usually try and cook a brand new lunch recipe at least every other week. Some common lunch reoccurences: Turkey Chili, Tuna or Chicken Salad Sandwhiches, or Pasta; and this past week PIZZA joined the ranks of my lunch favorites! The pic above is the pizza I made this past week and it was seriously the BEST thing I have EVER made- I could prob eat it for lunch every day for the rest of the month! I used: Trader Joe's rustic ciabbata pizza crust, Trader Joe's basil marinara spaghetti sauce, reduced fat part skim mozzarella cheese, mushrooms, spinach, red onion, garlic, and chicken. So. freaking. delicious. Next time I make it I will be more careful to calculate the exact nutritional info but if I had to guess, I believe for 2 slices it was about 350 calories and with 4 servings coming out of each pizza, I'm good for lunch for almost the entire week! You all will be seeing more pizza creations from me in the future, no doubt. Anyone have any good recipe suggestions that are easy to make & pack for the week in advance?
• My weigh in this week was pretty much exactly what I expected: At last week's weigh in I had a 7lb loss so my goal for this week was pretty much to just maintain that loss (something that is hard for me to do for some reason); however, I was able to do just that and weighed in at 270lbs this Thursday. My goal for next week's weigh in? A 2lb loss, total loss of 84lbs, at 268lbs.

• One of my goals for the month of February was to check out a group fitness class- this is something I've wanted to do for a while for a couple of reasons: 1) I can feel myself beginning to get a bit bored with doing 45 min on the elliptical 4x's a week and was in need of some variety, 2) I don't want my body to get used to using the same muscles at the same amount of resistance, and 3) I am ALL about not allowing fear to keep me from doing ANYTHING and working out with a group of people who may be more fit than I am and might judge me if I'm not able to keep up w/the class is pretty scary to me. WELL...this past Wednesday I had my first group fitness class experience through my local YMCA and I attended Zumba. Prior to going I had heard really good things about the class from some co-workers (mostly that it was fun and a really good workout) and it seemed to be the least intimidating option; when I arrived I was suprised to see that I was one of the 5 people there under the age of 50, which immediately calmed my nerves but made me suspicious about how much of a good workout I would actually be getting. My final evaluation? While it was a nice break from the old elliptical, there were numerous times throughout the class that I found myself wondering why I was finding it so easy and if I was wasting my precious workout time. I had to constantly make the moves more challenging and continue marching while everyone else took water breaks after every song, but when I checked my calorie burn on my heart rate monitor, it did show I had burned 592 calories in the 50 minute class session AND my butt and legs are freaking killing me- perhaps it was a better workout than I thought! In the end, I probably will be attending the class on more of a bi-weekly basis than weekly (for variety), I am glad that I went and proud of myself for not allowing fear to hold me back from something I had no reason to be afraid of. My next step of kicking fear in the face? Spin. I am by no means confident in my ability to even make it through a class but I am going to try. I'm hoping that it will have the challenging aspect that I'm looking for and that I may end up being passionate about it. I'm not gonna lie- I'm truly nervous about it, but that's not gonna stop me. I plan to take my first class next week if not this weekend. What has your experience with Zumba been? Did you like or dislike it? Also, should I be afraid to try spinning?

Alright, I think this post has gotten long enough (this posting only one time a week thing usually leaves me with lots to talk about!), but I've got to say- there's absolutely nothing like doing something you never thought you could do before and becoming a person you never even thought you could become. I love it.

Have a good weekend :)

Inspiration: The Biggest Loser!

Happy Thursday!

Well friends, today is my weigh in day and I am pretty. stinkin'. stoked. b/c FINALLY after MONTHS of floating around between losing 1lb one week, gaining 2lbs the next, losing 3lbs the next, gaining 1lbs the following week (which was probably more due to my lack of commitment than a plateu), my newfound determination has tangibly shown on the scale this week:

Last Weeks Weigh In: 277lbs

This Weeks Weigh In: 270lbs (-7lbs!!!)

For a Total Journey Loss of: 82lbs!!!

Seeing this # on the scale this morning was honestly a pretty big shock as my goal was to be 275lbs this week and 273lbs by the end of the month- so YAY!

Lately I have found some newfound commitment, focus, and determination in myself and when I thought about where this has come from I can undoubtedly say that a BIG source of it has been from watching The Biggest Loser. I know it is obviously not shocking to hear that I'm inspired by TBL, I'm sure ALL of us are, and although I've been watching for seasons none has seem to have the effect on me that this season has. First of all, it's just great tv- the addition of 2 new trainers has definitely stepped up the drama and I love it- but besides that, here are some of the ways the show has been truly inspiring me and helping me on this journey lately:

• The girl above has one of the BEST attitudes about weight loss that I have ever seen. Every time she steps on the scale she can do it with confidence because she KNOWS that she has given everything she has that week. And when the scale doesn't necessarily show a number that she feels is equivalent to how hard she's worked that week, she just shrugs it off and keeps on moving becuase she knows that sooner or later- she'll get there. I would like to believe that I have adopted her attitude on this journey- I will give my BEST every day so that when I weigh in I will know I've done everything I possibly can and allow that to determine my progress and success and not a number on the scale. I truly hope Courtney goes all the freaking way!

• The BIGGEST thing I have gotten from watching TBL is help in the form of the way I think. There were NUMEROUS times this past week that I didn't want to workout (I had a cold) or I wanted to eat cookie cake like everyone else in my office did and right in the middle of me rationalizing these thoughts in mind as to why I could just skip a workout or have that piece of cake I thought to myself, "What would I do in this situation if I was on The Biggest Loser right now?" or "What would I think of a contestant (aka Arthur) if they were eating a piece of cookie cake right now?" And suddenly it all becomes very clear in my mind- and I make the right decision. When I'm watching TBL I realize how serious it is for these contestants and just how desperately they need this and how determined they will have to be to change their lives and even though there aren't TV cameras following me around, a televised weigh in coming up, or the chance to win half a million dollars, I still HAVE to be just as intense, just as focused, and just as determined because the very same things are up for stake.

• Some of you may know that running is something I have always wanted to do but felt extremely intimidated by. I have had multiple DREAMS (like literal sleeping dreams) about running and every time I'm running in my dream I always have the same thought: "I love this, I could do this forever." How crazy is that? Anyways, I have been trying to figure out when I should begin running and I just keep wondering if I'm too large to start running now or if I should wait until I lose some more weight- it's truly a thought that's been plaguing me. And THEN, I saw Rulon (one of my absolute FAVORITE players this season) running 12mph with his 400+lb frame and I KNEW I could do it to. Furthermore, even Arthur has been running on the treadmill. If they can do it, I CAN DO IT. Plain and simple. It may take me a little longer, but I will become a runner. Who had been placing these limitations on me? No one but myself! I have recently made a pact with myself, every time I go into the gym I want to think about something I currently don't think I can do, and then do it! I need to stop putting limitations on myself, the sky is the limit for me and I need to start living that! And yesterday was the 1st step in doing that: I went to the gym (even though I stayed home from work for being sick! ...haha) and after doing the elliptical I decided to jump on the treadmill and start running. At first I though I would probably be able to do 30 seconds one time...well, by the time I was finished I had jogged for 1 minute, twice! If it weren't for me having seen Rulon and Arthur running on the treadmill weighing almost 150lbs more than me, I would never have done that yesterday.

I am doing this and it feels great. I have new goals and am experiencing some really cool things with my weight loss and I'm truthfully enjoying the journey of transforming into the person I was created to be. I am going to give it my all, every day and destroy any fear or impossibility along the way.

Has anything from this season of BL inspired anyone else? If so, I'd like to hear about it!