Days #146 - #159: An Update :)

Well... hello :)

It's been exactly 2 weeks since my last post- I got a few comments wondering where I was and wanting to make sure that I am okay (which was SUPER sweet) and allow me to put your mind's at ease- all is well with Miss Tiff! See...

Between my best friend coming to visit from Florida for a whole week (which also meant a week's vacation off from work! whoo hoo!) and the launch of our church, it just wasn't the right time. There used to be times where I would feel SO guilty and like I was failing in my weight loss efforts if I couldn't blog (and read blogs) every single day; like seriously- really guilty. But that ideaology began to make things feel like a chore, which is obviously not the purpose. This blog is for me, for my growth, evaluation, and enjoyment and the moment that it becomes anything but is the moment I need to take some time away, which is what I did :)

But miss you all, I did! This network is such a blessing- truly. And I'm more excited than ever to share with you all that as of this morning, I have hit a major mile stone...I have broken the 300lb barrier and now weigh 298lbs!!!!!

I can honestly say that I don't really remember the last time (since being maybe....16 or 17) weighing under 300lbs; it was like I remember the dreadful day that I saw 300 on the scale and then I've just always fluctuated between 300-352 for the last 7ish years. But not anymore!!!! :) I know that 298lbs is by NO means a heatlhy or normal weight, but I almost feel like I've taken one step closer to joining the ever exclusive club of the "normal" by having a #2 in front of my weight-one last time WHOO HOO! :)

This means that I have lost a total of 54lbs in about 6 months and only have 46lbs to go to make my goal of losing 100lbs by November 8, 2010!

I'm still grooving w/ replacing 1 meal a day with a fruit smoothie (see last post) and have been reevaluating a lot of my goals and motives, which I'm sure will be shared with you all sooner or later, but right now I'm just happy to be back in the swing of blogging as well as NOT weighing 300 anything :)

Peace and Love to you guys- I'm looking forward to catching up on all of your blogs and hearing about your progress as well!

Days #141 - #145: I'm SMOOTH (IE)!

Heyyyy!

Wow- what a crazy weekend! Here in PA we had some sort of major terrential downpour on Saturday, which was unfortunate being that the community service day that I had been working on coordinating for months was on Saturday...yea- I was pushed to my limits of flexibility- which I'm sure most of you can guess due to my perfectionistic anal retentive planning tendencies, didn't make for the most enjoyable of days lol! Ahhh oh well, such is life.

Well I am officially back into the swing of things- Sunday's weigh in had me 3lbs down and I'm hoping for at least 3lbs more off by the end of the week- I need to hit 50lbs lost and soon...as of this morning I've lost 45lbs and while I know that 45lbs is good- I just keep feeling like it's not where I should be right now- oh well- I'm not going to allow my frusterations with how slowly things have gone lately, I'm going to focus on the amount of time I have left in the year to reach my goal- 7 months to be exact :) 55 lbs in 7 months- I can do that!

I'm excited to share that I'm trying something new!

Since beginning this journey in November I have been following the same pattern of food preparation- I make a large amount of food on Monday evening after work and then divide it up into 4 equal portions so that I can bring healthy, semi-fresh lol food to work everyday. You see, I have to leave the house everyday at 6:15am and I have absolutely no time to spare to whip up some delicious salad, and so far it's worked pretty well- it's been tedious, repetative, and a bit annoying to eat the same thing every day but as I've been saying quite a lot recently... "You do what ya gotta do" and so that's what I've been doing.

But lately it's just been too much for me- I've been leaving the house at 6:20am and not getting back till 10:30pm so I've been trying to get creative with what has become a more than tedious task in this lunch making. The answer to all of my problems?

What is it? A GNC Total Lean Meal Replacement Shake

Now I don't know about you, but because my approach to healthy living from the beginning has been based upon the principle of eating good natural foods in smart proportions, I've kind of had an upturned nose at my coworkers as they all seemed to buy into these shakes recently...thinking that because they were using anything powdered that it wasn't natural and that it was automatically "fadish" and sure to fail. And then after my coworker made me a small glass of one and it tasted phenomenal, I decided to take a little walk over to the GNC store where I spoke with the store manager and expressed my concerns about drinking something like this and how it could effect my long-term weight loss and whether it was his good salesmanship, the truth, or the fact that he was a McGregor look alike, I walked out of the store with 2 tubs! lol

After giving it some more thought I realized that my prejudiced against all things that were not "whole foods" was really a bit misguided and misinformed, I realized that this very well could be the answer to my not having time to prepare my lunches! And for the past 2 days I have joined the rest of my coworkers in going into the lunch room at 12:30, gathering our fruit and blenders, and smoothie-ing it up!

Most of my coworkers are doing what the GNC lean plan suggests and replacing 2 meals a day with the smoothies, but that is just not realistic for me; my goal is long term weight loss and there's no way that I'll be replacing 2 meals a day with smoothies forever. So right now, my plan is to do 1 smoothie a day (for either breakfast or lunch)- not b/c I have been unhappy with my weight loss results, but because of the time factor.

Now the possibilities for smoothie types are obviously endless, but here's my current favorite recipe for deliciousness (including calorie counts):

Tiffany's Amaaaazing Smoothie (16oz):

-1 cup ice (0 cals)

- GNC Total Lean Shake Powder Vanilla Bean flavored 1.5 scoops (135 cals)

- Tropicana 50% less cals/sugar orange juice (12oz) (75 cals)

- Mixed frozen fruit (70 cals)

- 1 whole banana (100 cals)

Total: 380 cals!

And I wish I could send you each a little sample of how freaking delicious it is but alas, that won't be happening :)

I can't even say how convenient this has been for me thus far- I just bring a bag of mixed fruit, carton of OJ, and a bunch of banas to work, keep my tub of powder mix here, and badda bing- lunch is served!

Has anyone else tried these shakes or experienced similar frusterations/difficulties with preparing lunches?

Have a fantastic Tuesday ya'll! I'll be thinking of you when I'm enjoying my smoothie lunch today ; )

Day's #135 - #140: I'm ALIVE and FIGHTING!

Guess what? I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth- I'm here, alive and well- although my lack of blogging activity may have suggested otherwise.

I've actually had PLENTY that I couldn't wait to share with you this week and I've gotten half way through a post at least 3 times this week but this week has been super busy...let's just say my eye started twitching yesterday so I'm taking that as a sign it's time to slow down a bit- more on that another time.

Alright- the one thing that I value so much about blogging (and you all) is that this is the only place I feel I'm held accountable for my choices in regards to healthy living; for whatever reason you all understand not only how I feel and why I got the way that I did but you also understand my potential, which is why it is sometimes hard to share when I go through a time that was disappointing.

And in the name of honesty and accountability I have to share this weird time that was the last 3 weeks; I don't expect anyone to understand, and I especially don't expect to hear any sort of sympathy... I'm an odd creature, my perfectionistic mind works in strange ways, but I do feel guilty for not being completely honest here on my blog; so here's what's been going on:

As I've mentioned in previous posts, fasting (abstaining from food for a short/long period of time), is something that I participate in either alone or with a group of fellow believers at times, it is not something I do every month, in fact I've gone years without doing it but on May 26th I embarked with some friends on a 21 day (3 week) fast which was centered around praying for our city; the longest before this that I had ever fasted was 7 days and I remember that being a doozy so you can imagine how intimidated I was about this, and there were many times before the fast started that I almost didn't do it just because I knew that it would affect my ability to work out and I didn't want to lose the endurance that I had built up...but I felt that this was a sacrifice that I needed to make.

Basically, here's how it shook down: Pre-fasting weight: 305

Week 1- Didn't eat

Week 2- Didn't eat

Week 3- Ate whatever the heck I wanted.

Now tell me that isn't just a bunch of crazy?

Most people didn't last the 2 weeks and it's always up to you to decide how long you want to participate (as well in the way you'd like to) but I think since I had set it in my mind that I wouldn't be working out for 3 weeks that once I decided to stop fasting after the 2nd week it made perfect sense to me that I had a "free week" of eating whatever the heck I wanted.

I know the whole concept of not eating for 2 weeks sounds like a case of anorexia and binging but that's not what it was about at all and there's no need for me to apologize for it- some great things were accomplished during that time and I wouldn't take it back for a second but let me tell you what- I learned A LOT that dreadful third week....and not to sound overly dramatic but it may have been my saving grace on this journey.

I wasn't obviously counting the weight that I was losing during the first 2 weeks as real weight lost because I knew it would be coming right back as soon as I ate something, but it was kind of fun to see what I will look like and how I will feel when I eventually do get under 300lbs, but during that third week I had not only gained back the 9lbs I had lost during the 2 week's of fasting but an additional 6lbs from where I even started, and let me tell you...I could FEEL it.

I know that 311lbs is in reality 41lbs smaller than where I started this journey but I felt like I was 352lbs again- seriously!

During that 3rd week, there were things that happened that literally made me disgusted with myself:

- I could feel the extra weight as I walked.

- When walking up a small hill I got winded.

- I was EXHAUSTED all of the time.

I had a brief glimpse of what my life was like when I weighed 352lbs and I believe that I had honestly forgotten just how badly I need to lose weight...and how quickly everything that I've worked for could be gone.

On Monday, I woke up and weighed in at 311lbs- I just wanted to cry... my goal for the end of May was to be at 290 and now I'd be luck to be where I was before I started the fast by the end of the month- 305. But let me tell you this- a fire is burning under my butt that is SO hott I am more motivated than EVER to achieve my goal this year of losing 100lbs.

Today (Thursday) I weighed in at 308, so a 3lb loss since Monday and it's because I have been filling my body with nutritious food and being active.

There's so much more that I want to say but I know this is getting long so I'll share the rest tomorrow, but I just want to say THANK YOU all for being here with me through this journey, I believe that even though the past 3 weeks have not left me at a place numerically where I'd like to be, they have provided me with a wake-up call that I needed. I WILL lose 100lbs this year, I will, I will, I will.

In fact, last night my roomate and I went to Breuster's Ice Cream (yum!) and I didn't even get a single thing becasue I'm determined and dedicated to end the month of May having given my VERY best during these last 2 weeks- not just having stupid treats because they are there.

I leave you all with saying that after 2 weeks of eating nothing at all and 1 week of eating nothing but absolute crap, I began this week feeling uber THANKFUL that I have the choice as to what I can eat, that I GET to fuel my body with good food- not that I HAVE to. It's a privilege that we get to choose what we eat, let's be grateful.

And b/c I have a hard time not including some picture in my posts...this is me and my friends at a kid's festival this weekend, with Timmy the Termite :)

Peace and Love Ya'll :)

Day #131, #132, #133, & #134: Parting is such sweet sorrow???

Hi friends :)

Thx so much for all of your SUUUUUUPER sweet words on my last post- totally not necessary- but OH SO nice ;)

Not a whole lot of updates from me...when you're fasting (and therefore not exercising) there isn't a whole lot to talk about on the health/fitness front.

I do have one piece of exciting news...I signed a lease on a new apartment this week! I've never really lived in a place (as an adult) that I've really felt was my own; I lived in a dorm all through college and then for the last year I've lived with 3 other roomies in a house that 2 of them had been living in for the last 6 years or s0- but coming in July I will be moving into a super cute apartment with one of my best friends and I just couldn't be more excited! I've already been thinking about the color that I want to paint the walls and looking for furniture on Craigslist has become my newest addiction- no, seriously. lol.

And while I can't wait to move into a new enviorment and just begin a new phase of life- this move does present one little problem: I don't know if I'll be able to go to my gym anymore!!!

:(

Here's the stitch: The gym that I attend now (and LOVE oh so dearly) is literally less than 5 minutes from my house, BUT the new place I'm moving to is about 20ish minutes from my house and since I always go to the gym right after work (aka-RUSH HOUR), it would take me close to AN HOUR to get to work and then about a 30 minute drive home afterward.

So you see my dilema right? Do I deal with the extra driving to go to a gym that I'm comfortable with, have already paid for the entire year for, and just stinking love or do I start a new gym membership that I gym that I could love but could also hate in order to save time?

Um...HELP!

Day #128, #129, & #130: Picture Fun & a Fast Begins!

Happy Monday Er'body!

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty great actually; I spent it hanging out with friends, looking at apartments, and watching my new favorite show...GLEE! Anybody else have a Glee addiction? :)


I realized today that it's been a while since I posted an oh-so glamorous Tiff pic so I figured...why not snap a quick one before heading off to work...and even better it's a "BEFORE and AFTER" of sorts! :) Ready???

This was me in December/January-ish. I actually remember looking at this pic and thinking, "Holy Smokes, I'm lookin good!"

And here's a pic of me from this morning!

Maybe not a HUGE difference, but I can kind of see it in my face a bit! :)

Furthermore...yesterday was weigh in day and I came in at a solid 300 (no loss/no gain)- but I'm seriously ok with that-wanna know why? Well because today marks the beginning of a weeklong fast that I'm doing with my church (meaning water, juice, and coffee only) and I know that I'll probably drop 10lbs this week and then shoot back up the following week- I want to get under 300lbs by my own blood, sweat, and tears- not because of the fast. I'll still share what my weigh in is but I'm not going to count the next 2 weeks as realistic weigh-ins.

Alright, time to get back to work- here's to a great week (and LOTS of juice :)

Day #126 & #127: What up Doc?

I haven't been to the doctor in 5 years.

The reason for this is partly because I rarely get sick and also because in the few times that I have been ill, I haven't had health insurance and therefore didn't want to pay the insane costs of uninsured doctor's visits.

Since beginning my new job, I've acquired health insurance so when I started getting what I thought might be a case of strep throat, I decided to make an appointment. In the end, everything went great- my doctor is seriously so nice and caring, the office was efficient, and my sore throat was only a viral issue.

As I was waiting in the waiting room yesterday, I remember that soon enough the nurse would be leading me back to the examination room, but first we would be making that time honored stop at the scale.

Since this was my first visit to this doctor's office I was guessing that they would probably be thinking...we need to talk to this girl about her weight, so instead of waiting on that awkward conversation, as I stepped on the scale (which by the way didn't bring me even one ounce of dread or even discomfort), I proudly stated, "Oh, I should probably mention that I've recently lost around 50lbs..." to which lead to the nurse smiled, congratulated me, and then asked how I've done it.

Later on, the doctor asked me the same thing and I just replied, "Honestly, diet and exercise- I've been eating smarter and excercising more- there really hasn't been much more to it than that."

The one thing my doctor did tell me is that eventually I will hit a weight loss plateu and to not be discouraged- I asked him if when that happens I should increase my activity and decrease my calories, but he said no- to just keep moving foward and that eventually...after about a month, things should start going back in motion and that if they didn't then I might want to consider changing things.

In general I can't tell you how good it felt to not be having to walk out of the Dr.'s office vowing that I would lose weight before my next appointment (or this year), but that I could walk out knowing that I'm already halfway to a major goal of losing 100lbs in a year and that I'm doing what I need to do to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.

So...wanna know what my weight was at the Dr.'s????

300lbs!!! That means I'm 52lbs down now!!!

I had the biggest smile on my face yesterday and even now as I write this because that will be the LAST time that I ever weigh 300lbs again :)

Day #124 & #125: I'm Not Who I Was!

I've noticed that the longer I've been continuing on this journey, the less "exciting" everything feels...why?

Well:
- Most of the drastic (and exciting) life changes that need to be made have pretty much already occured.
- The thrill of trying new foods has turned into a bit of a monotonous menu.
- A bit of weight has been lost and the things that used to be super horrible about your weight/health/energy/confidence, etc. aren't nearly AS bad.

Can anyone else identify with this?

However, while the new (and motivating) thrill might be gone of beginning a journey like this- one thing that I'm sure will never get old is when a situation occurs that reminds you of just how far you come and how glad you should be that you're not where you used to be. I know because I experienced one of these overwhelmingly rewarding moments the other day:

As you know I started a new job about a month ago so my weight loss (of almost 50lbs I might add!) is basically unnoticed by my new co-workers since they didn't know me 49ish pounds ago- nor do most of them know that I am even on a weight loss journey.

Well, the other day one of my co-workers named Stacey (a cute, short, 30ish, African-American girl who is always super nice and has kind of taken me under her wing) called me over to her desk; when I walked over she had her foot sticking out from under the desk with a high heel sandal that looked similar to this on:

At first I thought she was just wanting to show me her new shoes but before I could even ask if they were new, she said something to the effect of, "Um...do you ever have problems buckling your shoes? For some reason I can barely even contort my body enough to be able to fasten this strap- this is just crazy! Does this happen to you?"

And after immediately choosing to not be offended by the fact that she had clearly asked me out of the 15 other girls in our office this question since I am still overweight and she assumed that if anyone did have a problem buckling their shoes it would be me, I said, "Yea. That has happened to me before. And it is ridiculous, which is why I had to change and do something about it...in fact- I've lost almost 50lbs since November."

And sure, while it felt good to be able to say, "I've lost 50lbs"- it felt 1 MILLION times better to be able to walk away from that conversation not feeling bad about myself or making a promise or resolution that "I really should start trying to lose weight!" That I HAVE changed and that that girl who cannot strap her shoes will NEVER be me again.

Honestly, I don't know that I would be able even now to buckle a strap like that without having to hold my breath as I bend over, but you know what- some day soon, I will be able to and dang it- I'm more than on my way.

If you are still hanging in there, eating healthily, making an effort to work out, and fighting this fight then know that I'm standing and applauding you because no matter how much of you just wants to say, "Yea- but I could have lost more, worked out longer, ate better, etc." You are still here and you are NOT where you were.

Sure, things may not be as exciting and I may not feel as motivated as I was when I first started- but the imagining how great I will feel on December 31st, 2010 when I have lost at least 100lbs is worth the mundane and imagining how horrible it would feel to not have given up and fallen short of my very best on December 31st pushes me forward every day.

So let's keep moving forward-one step at a time.