One of my favorite parts about this journey has been proving to myself that I can do things I never imagined were possible when I was 352lbs. If you have followed my blog for awhile, you'll know that running has always been one of those things that seemed impossible for me- as if it was just completely out of the question.
To give you some background, running wasn't just something that seemed out of the question to me when I weighed 352lbs, it even seemed out of the question to me a month ago. I guess I've just always had that image of a "runner" in my mind and thought that I could never be that- it seemed pointless to even dream about it. I remember when I first started this journey, I challenged myself to run 30 seconds on the treadmill and I thought I was going to die! Well, now that I've lost about 187lbs I figured that it was high time to prove to myself yet again that NOTHING is impossible through Christ who gives me strength (Phillipians 4:13) so 3 weeks ago I began the illustrious C25k (Couch to 5K) training plan. If you're not familiar with it, it's basically a 3 times a week running program that uses intervals of walking/running to eventually take you from being able to run only 1 min to being able to run for 30 minutes straight. I use an app on my iphone and it works amazingly! There are plenty of them out there and they will sync with your music and will tell you exactly when to walk and when to run- easy peazy! Here's me getting a run in at our hotel last week (I was in DC for work):
Well, I'm officially finished with the 3rd week of the program and I've got to say, I am quite impressed with how my endurance has improved. I started out huffing and puffing from running 1.5 minutes and yesterday ran for 3 minutes. Now, I know to some running 3 minutes straight may not seem like a big deal but for ME...it was a major moment of victory. I remember as I was getting ready to run yesterday thinking that I wasn't ready to move to the next level of running for 3 minutes but I put myself out there & took a chance and ran those 3 freaking minutes twice!
Now, I'd be lying to you if I said that I'm totally confident I can do tomorrow's run, or the next days or the next days because honestly, I've never ran that far before and by no means have the runs I've been doing been easy but you know what, I'm willing to TRY and give it my all and each time I've done that, I've never been disappointed.
One thing that has been a little disappointing is that my left ankle pretty much started giving me problems after just a week into the program. I went out and got some really good running shoes (thank you Brooks!), socks & an ankle brace that I believe has definitely helped although I still definitely can feel some pain. Here's my fancy shoes & not so fancy brace:
I've heard some mixed reviews when it comes to pain & running- some say that if you feel absolutely any pain that you should stop right away & see a doctor. Others say that pain in some form just comes along with running and as long as it's not debilitating or getting increasingly worse, to just keep keeping on. Honestly, that's the approach I'm going with.
I want to run a 5k. Ahemmm...I'm going to run a 5k. Later this month I will be signing up for this baby: And although I'm still downright terrified & in disbelief at the thought that I could actually run for 30 minutes consecutively, I'm going to give everything I have to find out. I don't plan on training to run any farther distances than a 5k as I quite honestly enjoy other physical activity more than I do running but running a 5k has been a goal of mine for quite some time and this is the year and the time for me to reach it!
Questions: - Are any of you working towards/training for something you once thought was impossible? - Anyone have any advice/thoughts on encountering pain while running?
In my last post I mentioned I've been having some revelations about this weight loss journey lately and today I'm going to share what I mean by that.
Often times we like to have revelation moments when they just kind of come to us from out of nowhere and we are able to pat ourselves on the back for being smart enough to finally figure something out- that is not the kind of revelation I have had. Mine has come from doing something the WRONG way, seeing the negative effects it was having & then finally God opening my eyes to the truth & showing me how far I had wandered from it.
About 3 months ago (aka: Holiday prime time) I began realizing that I was living in a constant fog of shame and guilt in regards to what I was eating. Now, if I was stuffing my face with pizza, baking sleeves of cookie dough, eating McDonalds weekly or not ever eating anything green, then I could understand feeling ashamed of my eating because those decisions would not be me doing my best, they would not be a reflection of the freedom & joy I have, they would be indications that food was in control & not me. However, I wasn't doing any of those things- I was eating pretty close to how I've been eating for the last 3 years that I've been on this weight loss journey but things had become quite different for me- I began to feel like no decision I made (concerning what to eat) was good or healthy enough.
Here's what I mean: After not being around the healthy eating/weight loss blogosphere for awhile, I began to get back into it & instead of reading blogs that had to do with weight loss specifically as I used to, I began to read more blogs written by super healthy gals who are whiz's in the kitchen for inspiration, since I'm really not a very knowledgable cook, was looking for more healthy recipe ideas & just kind of thought that I had moved passed needing to read blogs that were specifically about weight loss since I no longer had hundreds of pounds to lose. And let me tell you, I read those blogs and tried to model my life in a similar way for multiple weeks until I hit the breaking point after feeling like a failure after eating a bag of Lay's baked potato chips with my salad from Panera. At that moment, I knew something was very wrong.
I had gotten to the point where NO food decision I made was good enough. If I ate: - Salad, then I thought about how I should have used less dressing & that cheese really was unnecessary. - Chili, then I shouldn't have used canned beans because well...they are canned and have too much sodium. - Smoothies, then I shouldn't have used any juice and not too much fruit either, carbs and sugar are bad for you, you know. - Chicken breast & whole wheat pasta, then I shouldn't have because those documentaries I watched told me we really shouldn't be eating meat every day and then pasta shouldn't even be in my vocabulary if I'm a seriously healthy person.
In every food decision I made, I always left that meal thinking I could have made a choice that was: - "Cleaner" because anything preserved is just "trash." - Had less sodium. - Had less calories and carbs. And the list goes on and on.
It had gotten to the point where I felt like unless I was literally eating pure vegetables with no oil & no seasoning that I just wasn't good enough which I'm sure you can imagine just made me leave every meal feeling defeated & like I could never do good enough.
I'm not playing the blame game & I accept FULL responsibility for my thoughts & what goes in my mouth but truthfully, I'M DONE READING BLOGS THAT OBSESS ABOUT FOOD. Ahhemmm...let me say put that another way in case it wasn't clear: FOOD IS NOT MEAN TO BE OBSESSED OVER whether it's UNHEALTHY food or HEALTHY FOOD.
Food is just food. And after finally being set free from this flat out destructive way of thinking I feel SO very bad for the thin girls who are blogging their brains out about food 24/7; they are constantly thinking of desserts and peanut butter and anything else they have deemed "untouchable"- trying to find ways to still have it and I really don't care whose feathers I ruffle when I say this but FOOD IS NOT MEANT TO BE OBSESSED OVER. Food is meant to nourish us so we can live our lives, not become our lives.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for sharing healthy recipes & tips that we come up with- that's part of what this community is for but there is SO much more to being healthy than just eating foods that have as little calories/sodium/wheat/carbs etc. For many of us who had or have weight to lose, we used to focus and have our lives revolve too much around food but I have to say that I don't think it's any better when we are obsessed and our lives still revolve around food even when it's healthy. Food is just food and there is SO much more to life than what our next meal will be.
I've vented quite a bit here but I can't help but be SO glad to finally be free from constantly feeling like every food decision I made wasn't good enough just because it's main ingredient wasn't chia seeds, coconut oil or protein powder. I have worked 3 years to stop being controlled by food and having my life revolve around food & I'm not about to go back to that place but just with a different healthier type of food!?
Here's the TRUTH:
You and I are not better people when we make healthy food decisions. You and I are not worse people when we make unhealthy food decisions. Food should NEVER cause you or I to feel guilty or ashamed unless we are letting it control us. There is SO much more to life than your next or last meal.
In closing, I was reading my Bible the other day and came across this verse & couldn't believe how much it described how I was becoming:
9 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ- Phillipians 3:19-20
It is so easy for our God to become our stomachs- for us to make a top priority in our lives the things we crave, the things we think will make us appear uber healthy to others & for our minds to be set on what is so very temporal. The other day I felt the Holy Spirit remind me that when I stand before God, He isn't going to ask me why I ate that half a bagel with cream cheese the other morning when I know it had "gasp! simple carbs in it!" but He'll be interested in things that matter, like what did I do with the time He gave me here on Earth? Was I obsessed with myself & the things that stroked my ego or was I able to invest my time into things & people that mattered.
Make every effort toward freedom from unhealthy habits in your life- just don't allow yourself to become a slave all over again to trying to eat or live according to someone else's definition of perfect.
Greetings long lost friends!
Wow, it's amazing how quickly honeymooning + the Holidays + traveling + adjusting to newly married life can really make time fly by! I really had no intentions of letting 3 months go by without checking in but alas, it's Valentines Day and the last time I checked in it was Halloween...my bad.
Life Updates:
Life is good. God is great. My husband is the biggest blessing I've ever known- want proof? Check out his Valentine's gift to me today:
How stinking cute/creative/amazing is he??? Ah, thank you Jesus for a man that loves You and me more than anything else in this world.
The past 3 months have been pretty great. We traveled to my hometown of Arizona for Christmas where I discovered how much I love hiking! It's unfortunate that I didn't know that or take advantage of the thousands of trails in AZ when I still lived there. Here's a shot of me in one of my favorite places in all the world: Sedona, Arizona:
Enough about life in general...
Weight Loss Updates:
I am currently weighing in at 165lbs (meaning I'm down 7 since my last post) and have lost a grand total of 187lbs. My final goal is to weigh 150lbs so I've only got 15lbs to go!
I only have time for a quick check in today but I am really really really excited to share with you all some of the aspects of my weight loss journey as of late. Basically my little weight loss world has been turned upside down for the last two months (and no, I don't mean I've been on a two month long pizza binge) but it's changing my way of thinking about food, about weight loss & about myself and I'm excited to share it with you all as I've got to believe there has got to be some others out there who have struggled with the same thoughts and patterns as I have.
Hope all is well with everyone & that you're living your free~est!
- Tiffany
