This has been one of those weeks where I am forced to remember that what got me to the place I'm at now (losing 153lbs) hasn't been luck; it has been sheer determination, hardwork & perserverance and I would be a fool to think that it will take anything less to finish out this journey. For the past 2 weeks I've been really trying to kick it into high gear both nutritionally & in my fitness- so much so that I've been drinking one of these babies for breakfast & dinner every day: Looks appetizing, eh? This yummy concauction was made with: Vanilla Bean Lean Shake Powder (GNC), strawberries, spinach (hence the green color), water & ice. Luckily it wasn't until the last couple days that I realized adding a tablespoon of peanut butter makes these smoothies about 500x's more delicious (but also adds calories & fat). So combining eating about 1200-1300 calories a day with exercising 5x's per week at a relatively high intenstity, you would think would equal a loss. Well, it didn't. In fact, yesterday morning the scale read 200. A number I would have been fine to never see again. I know I will continue to lose and that 200lbs will be a distant dream soon enough but I just didn't feel like the effort I was putting in showed up with the results I saw. So what to do? What to do when you're eating crap you really don't even like, saying no to chocolate and late night snacks, and you feel like your hardwork isn't being rewarded? You just. keep. pushing. Here's a picture of me doing just that: As I've mentioned before, I'm training for a 5K using the C25K program and for whatever reason there are days that I feel like a gazelle and that I could have gone farther, longer & then there are days when I feel like I want to just lay down on the treadmill & cry. Yesterday was one of those days; in fact, before I even got to the gym it was one of those days! I was TIRED, not feeling so great but I did what I knew I should and know has brought me the success I've seen thus far, I drug my butt to the gym and completed Week 2, Day 2 (for about the 3rd time now haha) and tomorrow morning I'll do the same thing (after a spin class this evening). I'm choosing to operate from this principle: I know that anything that is truly worth having, is worth working your butt off for and I will push, push, push until I get where I want to be. Yes, the future isn't as clear as I'd like it to be and I don't know what next week's weigh in will be or the week after that, but I do know what I have control over and that's ME. Sidenote: I'm excited that I've finally got back to what seems to be a regular blogging schedule; once a week on Fridays. I really do love blogging and think it has value to me, my journey, and hopefully to you all as well. Just a random thought! Also, I also feel like I have about 10 million topics that I'm dying to write/share about with you all and I hope that you'll find them helpful/interesting as well as I'll be tackling them here in the upcoming weeks- just to give you an idea and tickle your bloggy tastebuds, some of these topics include: - The negative side effects of weight loss (yep, they exist).
- My new relationship & how that ties in with weight loss.
- Skin Removal Surgery
- And more!
I leave with you this little piece of inspiration I saw yesterday on Pinterest...
After 30 months of: - Dragging myself to the gym when I felt like I didn't belong and would rather do just about anything else.
- Saying no to the things that had become dependencies & almost addictions (aka: caramel frappuccinos).
- Counting calories day in and day out.
- Eating what seemed to be the same thing day in and day out.
- Completely restructuring the way I think about myself and what it is to truly be good to myself.
- Fighting through feeling deprived or an "it's not fair attitude."
- Convincing myself that anything is actually possible and that I wasn't bound to a life of obesity.
- Saying no to french fries, pizza, and cookies being a part of my regular diet (I still have them every once in a while- as a TREAT not a regular staple!)
- Having to be the only person not participating in indulging in all sorts of desserts and fried foods at what seems to be weekly office parties.
- Waking up at 6:45am on Saturday mornings for spin class when all I really want to do is sleep in.
After, no BECAUSE, of all of this, after weighing in 30 months ago at 352lbs, yesterday I stepped on the scale and saw this...And I swear I thought I was gonna break my scale from jumping up and down on it! No joke- I seriously I just could not stop jumping up and down in my living room shouting "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" and pumping my fist/arms every which way; truthfully I was even a bit surprised at my reaction, I was certainly happy when I lost 100lbs, but this was something different..I simply could not contain the overwhelming feeling of victory & joy it gave me. I know that for most people weighing 199lbs is no big accomplishment (in fact, it would be a nightmare to most), but for me- it was something I truly was never sure I'd see. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time there was a #1 in front of my weight...if I had to guess I would say maybe it was when I was...15 years old? Sometimes throughout this journey it felt like weighing in the 100's was just a pipe dream, as if it were possible for everyone else, but just not for me- I knew that maybe I'd get to the low 200's, but the 100's? It almost just didn't even seem like an option. And now, it's MY REALITY. And it's. been. done. Since the very beginning of this journey I've really only had 3 weightloss goals and as of yesterday, I've accomplished 2 of the 3: Goal #1: Lose 100lbs (Completed!) Goal #2: Get out of the 200's (Completed!) Goal #3: Weigh 180lbs (Not yet Completed...) How I approach this 3rd goal will be a little different than how I've approached the last two. When I first began I knew that I couldn't rush this process- that I had a lot of weight to lose and that there wasn't going to be a quick fix to the mess I had gotten myself in and it was with that mindset that I approached and accomplished my first 2 goals; however, with this 3rd one I have a different strategy...I don't want to drag the final part of this journey out. I have 19lbs to go and I know that I can lose it because I've already lost 153lbs but I know that I am easily tempted to not really give my all, my very best and that when I do that it consequently takes me much longer to lose weight than it really needs to. I'm still not looking for a "quick fix" but I'm also not looking to take this last 19lbs leisurely- I want to knock it out; specificially by May 19th which is the date of a wedding I am a bridesmaid in. Basically that means I have a little over 2 months to lose the 19lbs pounds and it equals out to about 2lbs a week (give or take a bit) which I think is still a completely realistic amount of weight to be losing at my current size. I really believe that finishing this journey will look like one of two things: 1) It taking me 6 months to lose the last 19lbs. 2) It taking me 2 months to lose the last 19lbs. And the difference won't be because my body just won't drop the weight, the difference will be in whether I am giving it my very best or whether I'm just going at it laxadisically. And I am choosing to give it my very best and if for some reason that still doesn't equate to weighing 180lbs on May 19th then I'm okay with that, because I will have done everything I can do. There are so many exciting things God has in store for me this year, some I know about and I'm sure there are even more that I don't and truthfully, I just want to be done with this. I know that I'll never be finished exercising or eating healthy, but I'm ready to be at the maintenance phase and I'm ready to enjoy living my life with my body at it's very best that it can be. I am by no means saying that 180lbs is my ultimate weight, but I would guess that it would be somewhere around there; being that I have a larger frame and I am almost 5'10'', it's not that far off from what the "charts" say I should weigh (which is between 153-173lbs) and I'll re-evaluate when I get there but my goal isn't to be the absolute skinniest I can be, it's to be and look healthy & fit. I know I've rambled a bit here at the end but needless to say I am SO excited, proud, and thankful to God for where I stand today...all 199lbs! And now, moving forward to prove to myself that I can do even more things I never thought possible... Happy Friday :)
