Day #90: March Goals- A Month in Review...

Hey ya'll!

Man, I seriously feel like March flew by faster than any other month has since I've been on this journey- it's ridiculous!

Lately I've been asking myself what some of the reasons are that have caused me to be successful at losing weight this time and I believe without a doubt that one of the keys to my success has been that I set monthly goals that keep me motivated. Sure, it's good to have an overall goal weight, but for me it will most likely take me longer than 1 year to reach that goal and that's a long time to go without feeling like I've achieved anything. Truthfully, setting short-term goals has been one of the biggest confidence boosters I've had since being on this journey. Needless to say, if you're not setting at least bi-monthly short term goals then I STRONGLY suggest it!

Now I'm gonna take a look at the goals that I set for myself for the month of March to see just how I did! Last month I came up with this little "rating system" to help me not be so "black and white" about everything- check it:
***= Goal Achieved! Gave my BEST!
**= Almost there! Could do better!
*= Um...WTF? Wake Up Call!

On with the show!
March Goals:

#1) Do the elliptical for 25 minutes!
Result: *** Goal Achieved! I have some pretty exciting news...today I actually did the elliptical for 30 minutes!! Seriously- this one thing has been the biggest piece of evidence that has proved to me that I've actually changed and become more fit. I am freaking ecstatic about this :)

#2) Win The Biggest Loser Challenge 2!
Result: ???? I actually won't find out about this until the end of the week but I'll be sure to share the news with ya'll when I find out the results! I am excited to announce though that I have lost 17lbs during this round of the challenge!

#3) Try 2 new veggies!
Result: * WOMP WOMP! Wow- I seriously stunk at eating the veggies this month! Crap. But on brighter note, I have incorporated a serving of fruit into my daily diet which is something that is definitely a huge improvement for me. And maybe I could get an honorable mention for the asparagus that I have frozen up in my freezer right now??? :) lol

#4) Run for 5 minutes straight!
Result: * WOMP WOMP! This actually has nothing to do with me being lazy or unmotivated- the truth is I'm just not at the fitness level yet where I can run for five minutes. In fact, I am almost only able to run for about 45 seconds right now. Running is something that I have a huge aspirations for but I'm trying to be realistic with my body and celebrate the new things that I'm able to do every day that I wasn't able to do before. You can bet your bottom dollar though that it will only be a matter of time before I can run 5 minutes with ease!

#5) Track food 5x's a week for 1 month!
Result: * WOMP WOMP! Alright so, I'm kind of at the place right now where I don't think tracking is a necessity for me. I pretty much eat the same things every day so it's just an added stress that I really don't need to continue to write down the same things over and over again. My plan is that when I come to a plateau, or if my eating starts to become an issue, then I'll start tracking again. It's not that tracking is hard, it's just that I don't feel it's necessary for me at this point in my journey. I'm willing to be wrong, but for now I'm going to stick with what is working!

#6) Weigh no more than 308 on March 31st!
Result: *** Almost There! I actually weighed in today at 309- but I'm not too upset- shoot, I'm only 9lbs away from being under 300! Woot woot!

So there ya have it folks, overall I feel like it was a good month for me fitness wise and a not so great month for me as far as my weekend snacking habits (maybe I'll just track on the weekends...?). Either way, I'm celebrating that I'm still here, still losing weight and going strong!

In the next few days I'll be sharing my goals for April as well as updating my montly measurements!

Hope everyone is having a great week! Thought I'd leave you all with a pic of me and some friends at a local park revitilization this past weekend- fyi: digging up invasive plants is a great workout! :)

Peace ya'll!

Day #87, #88, #89: Weigh In & 1st Day!

Howdy kids!

Sorry I'm just now getting around to posting the weigh in results from this past weekend- needless to say the results are in and I'm down 2lbs! Meaning I am officially 2lbs away from hitting my end of March goal of 308 and only 10lbs away from being out of the 300's....now THAT is just craziness. I'm not sure that I will even believe that I'm experiencing reality when I look down on the scale and see the #2 at the beginning of my weight...oh gosh, I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it! lol

Well, today was my first official day at my new job! This has been the first position that I've ever taken that I haven't felt completely overqualified for which made me a bit nervous- but all went well! My co-workers are nice, the atmosphere is great, and I can't see me getting bored anytime soon! The clients are a bit rough and I know that I'll be stretched, but I think that is kind of what I was looking for- this girl is happy as a clam :)
Does anyone else feel like March FLEW by?!? Seriously. Well, in the next few days I'll be evaluating my progress this past month, setting new goals for April, and taking my monthly measurements- exciting stuff!


Finally, ya'll remember The Biggest Loser Challenge that I'm in? In case you forgot, I won round 1 last year and I was hoping to win again- wellllll round 2 ends on Wednesday and as of right now I am in tied with this other girl for 1st place (we've both lost 16lbs during this challenge) BUT I do believe she is a little lighter than me, which would put her weight loss percentage above mine...meaning I'm hoping that somehow I drop at least 2ish pounds by Wednesday. Not sure that's going to happen but my fingers are crossed! Will you cross yours too? :)


I leave you all w/ a pic I had to snag before I left for my 1st day of work this morning- I know, I know, I'm weird :)
Besos!

Day #86: New Eats :)

Howdy kids!

Thx so much for all the love on yesterday's post. I can't lie- it's pretty cool to finally be able to take a step back in this journey and realize that I'm actually doing it!

Ok so it's been a while since I've shared some of my eats so guess what? Today's the day! Now, I am the definition of a "creature of habit" so a lot of times I just eat the same things over and over again, which in a way is a good thing because I don't get bored of eating healthy stuff but one the other hand I'm somewhat reluctant to try new things *cough*veggies*cough*! :)

BUT I have been bustin' out of my groove a bit recently and have come up with 3 new favorite things!

1st new favorite: Chicken in a Can! BAHAHA doesn't that just sound appetizing? :) Well here's the thing- I'm a chicken fanatic- I eat it 2x's a day easily, but I really hate the time that it takes the grill my chicken- SOOOO the other day when I went to Sam's Club I decided that I would finally take the plunge and try chicken in a can and boy am I glad I did! Seriously- it's genious! My favorite way of using it? Meet my newest recipe- Buffalo Chicken Salad! I just threw 2 tablespoons of lite mayo and a bunch of Frank's Hot Sauce in with the chicken and it made for the ideal salad topper! This girl likes some kick! Anybody else thing that Frank's is the best!??

2nd new favorite: Cuties! You all know that I have a hard time getting in my fruits and veggies and as much as I like fruit- I usually don't find it super convenient to eat. It spoils easily and I usually end up making a mess when trying to eat it; especially oranges. Well not so with these pieces of deliciousness! Seriously these are SO sweet and so easy to peal and I don't have a problem swallowing them whole (the pulpy things included) as I do with oranges- no mess at all! Love em!
3rd new favorite: Thomas' Everything Bagel Thins! As soon as I heard about these on TJ's blog I knew that I had to try them but for the life of me, I couldn't find them anywhere! Needless to say when I was at Sam's club I spotted them and had to get em! They are only 100 cals each and you don't even miss the extra bread! I've been using them as a substitute for my eng muffins or as a snack with some lite cream cheese on em! Yummmy!


Anyone made any recent favorite new food discoveries that I should know about?

Alright ya'll- I hope everyone is having a great relaxing weekend and I've gotta say that I'm pretty excited about a product review that I'll be doing for CSN stores this upcoming week!

See ya'll tomorrow for my weigh in!

Day#84 & #85: A Reflective Pat on the Back :)

Good morning bloggies!

I still have wayyyy too much that I want to share with you that it's hard to pick which is more important... haha

So first off since I had a few days last week where I wasn't proud of the choices I made (see my last post) I've been making it a point this week to be sure to not only kick butt with my eating choices and time at the gym, but to also remind myself of how far I actually have come on this journey. I'm sure some of you can relate to this; when you've been making these healthy choices day in and day out it is easy to forget that you weren't always this way and that there is reason to be proud of those changes. So today, I just feel the need to recognize my progress and it just wouldn't feel right if I didn't share it with you all too- many of whom have been with me since day one of this journey!


The Tiffany of today is different than the Tiffany on November 7th (I began this journey on November 8th) because:

* I have proven to myself that I can lose weight and I am; I now know that I am not just destined to always be overweight or obese. I am 41lbs lighter today and at the lowest weight that I can remember in the last 3-4 years!!!
* I have more energy today and don't experience the discomfort of doing daily tasks nearly as much!
* I have not only joined a gym but I go 5 times a week and do nearly an hour each time. I did not allow the fear and intimidation I once felt to overcome me- I learned that I have a place at the gym just as much as anyone else and I have been going continually since mid January! In fact, here was me before my first day at the gym (looking nervous!)And here was me yesterday right before heading to the gym (in case you can't tell- the look is excited, proud, and accomplished-and rockin a new haircut! :) lol)* I have learned how to eat healthily and do almost all of the time. Today, I truly no longer eat to live- my compulsatory relationship with food is no longer an issue. Because I'm making this a life long journey I have found ways to allow myself to enjoy some of my favorite foods without going overboard (most of the time!).
* I have proven to myself that my body can and is becoming more physically fit. I have increased my endurance on the elliptical from being able to do 5 minutes to now being able to do 25 mins! I never thought that I would actually be able to become more fit- but I am!
* I have continued to blog now for more than 4 months and have made some world class buddies on here who have been such a source of support, wisdom, and encouragment. I can honestly say that I wouldn't have made it past my first month of this lifestyle change if not for this blog. So today, I am much more disciplined than I was before.

In short- the Tiffany today isn't afraid to attempt things that seem impossible. I still have A LOT of weight to lose and I am BY NO MEANS an expert on this journey- huh- by no means. But I am changing, learning, growing ( and shrinking) lol, and truthfully I'm saving my life.

I hope that you all will take some time today to give yourself a pat on the back/hug and feel proud of the changes that you've made. You may not (and actually def are not) perfect- and you (nor I) never will be- but many of us have made drastic life changes here and it is a GOOD thing to recognize those.

Keep it up kids- you're doing great!

Day #83: Accept, Understand, Plan.

I really didn't want to write this post but I'm committed to honesty on here and if someone else can learn from my experience then...great.

Eating out has been a bit of a struggle for me in the past 2 weeks. I literally have NO problem eating healthily and in proportion when I am at home, at work, or even just on the go; but for some reason when I am eating out with friends I just don't feel the need to make healthy choices. It's not like I go COMPLETELY crazy either- sure I'm eating a lot less than I ever would have before, but still I know that there is NO intentionality going on behind what I'm eating. In the past 2 weeks I feel like I've been eating out at least every other day, sometimes every day- not really because I am choosing to but because I do a lot of group activities where food is involved. Let me give you a prime example (and probably the one I was the most disappointed with!):

Monday night I headed straight from work to Trader Joe's to pick up some healthy grub and then over to an event we were having in downtown; on the way a friend called me who was also going and asked if I wanted to grab dinner before, and because there wouldn't really be any food at this event and I was already hungry I figured-why not? So we ended up at this Lebanese place and because the menu pretty much freaked me out, I just ended up ordering whatever was seemingly recognizeable to me and got a chicken gyro (not a horrible choice, but not my best either). Oh and my friend ordered some of these babies- GRAPE LEAVES...which I found to be a little bit less than appetizing :)
So at this point, I'm still in the okay zone- I had eaten really well all day and knew that a chicken gyro wouldn't be the death of me. So the event goes well, yada yada and then this same friend says, "Hey, the Cheesecake Factory is just around the corner, let's all do dessert!" I'm guessing you know where this is going... I have absolutely no problem in that I went- I'm not going to turn down hanging out with friends because I'm afraid I might eat something I shouldn't- that is not living and I refuse to do that but I also refuse to make some of the choices that ensued that night...

When all was said and done I probably had 1/3 of my friends Carrot Cake Cheesecake (which I cannot lie- was heavenly), a virgin Strawberry dauqueri, and half an order of fried cheese (wow- doesn't that sound healthy?).

I'm sure it all added up to over 1,000 calories and I was just absolutely infuriated with myself for those choices. It's weird- I have no problem exercising great self control in ANY other situation, but for some reason when I'm eating out, I begin to... not care. It's not like I'm ravenous and can't tell myself no, I simply don't want to tell myself no when I'm eating out...it's like I magically transform into a person that isn't over 300lbs when I'm eating out and that I don't have to worry about what I'm eating, when CLEARLy that's not the case.

I've got to be honest and say that when this situation occured fear hit me like a ton of bricks. Not the fear of gaining weight or even having to share it with you all, but the fear that this could be evidence that I can't do this. And then I remembered this. I really would encourage everyone to read this post- it was an epiphany I had about a month back and I can't tell you how much it helped me to remember that me experiencing this lack of control when eating out is a gift. I now recognize that this is something that I've got to face head on and learn to overcome so that my weight loss CAN be a long term thing. Failing in eating out these past few weeks doesn't have to be proof that I can't do it- I can choose to make it a stepping stone in the process to a long life of health because sooner or later I'm sure this problem would arise- whether it's when I am 40lbs down or 140lbs down and it's a lesson that I'm welcoming and will use to make me that much stronger.

I'm going to follow the 3 little steps that I came up with when I make a decision I'm not happy with:

1- Accept that it was a decision I made, not the result of circumstances, fate, or an accident.
2- Understand why I made the decision.
3- Plan for the future; how can I overcome this obstacle next time?

Friends, don't allow the mistakes your making to stack up against you as evidence that you cannot do this- YOU CAN. Allow them to simply be a part of the process; something you've got to learn in order to make this a life long thing.

You (and I) are much stronger than we think, let's prove it!

Day #81 & #82: Progress Pics!

I just want to start off by saying that I've been a bit of a crappy blogger friend lately and that I'm changing that pronto. As you all know my life has been a bunch of craziness lately with job stuff and now that things have settled down a little more, I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. There are so many of you who are new to my blog that I'm looking forward to getting to know through following your journeys as well so be patient because I will be having a bit more time to spend in blogland very soon!

Alright, well I've officially lost another 20lbs which means it's time for the second installment of progress pics! (Sorry that the formatting/editing isn't perfect but my computer goes a bit crazy when I try and edit photos so I didn't even want to mess with it). So without further adieu... Front View
Side View Back View Ahhh so there you have it. Honestly, I don't really see too much of a difference in the pics but I have been dropping pant sizes like crazy so I know there must be a change.

One thing that has me pretty excited is that a few years ago when I made my only other attempt at losing weight I started out weighting 329lbs and got down to 312lbs (17lbs) and since this weekend I weighed in at 312lbs that means any weight that I lose from here on out is "new weight" that I don't ever remember being smaller than! Cool huh? I'm only 4lbs away from meeting my March end goal weight of 308lbs so I'm hitting the gym like a madwoman this week!

Now I'm off to read all of your blogs- hope everyone's week is off to a great start!

Day #79 & #80: Week Recap & Weigh In

This week has undoubtedly been one of the busiest weeks of my life- and my life seems to always be busy, so that's saying something.

For the most part the cause of the busyness is because the church that I am on staff at and helping to plant will be launching very soon and we are busy getting everything ready for our building, services, and advertising- and being that I am the Outreach Director I am in charge of putting on a massive Easter Egg hunt that we will be premiering to the community in two weeks...needless to say, lots going on!

And due to all of this craziness I will have only made it to the gym 2x's this week instead of the 5x's that I aim for and because I was on the go so much I ended up eating out A LOT more than I have been in the past few months which lead to some less than ideal options.

Here's me after my workout yesterday, which included: 30 min's on Mr. T (3.6/3.7), and 25 minutes on Ellie :)

I look back on this week with some mixed feelings about if I really gave it my best (which is ALL that I require of myself)...

One on hand when I ate out I made some really stupid and careless decisions; this told me that I need to be a little more aggressive with using some tactics for healthy eating when eating out.

On the other hand I know that I made it to the gym every possible day that I could and that I didn't just throw everything else out the window because I couldn't work out.

Although my goal is to get to the gym 5x's a week, I realize that I live in the real world where what I plan doesn't always work out and that's why I think it's important to: 1) Have a backup plan in place for when stuff gets crazy, 2) Ditch the "all or nothing" attitude and realize that just because everything isn't ideal in one area doesn't mean that everything is ruined.

Now let's get to business, as you all know it's weigh in day- here's the stats:

End of March Goal Weight: 308
Last Week's Weight: 314
This Week's Weight: 312 (-2lbs)

Guess what that means..... I've officially lost 40 lbs!!

I seriously cannot believe that I've lost that much weight- it truly amazes me; not because I'm so amazing but because I guess I never really thought I would ever actually lose weight- and I'm proving myself wrong. Dead wrong.

I'll be posting my next set of progress pics tomorrow- which is exciting and a little intimidating but in the end, who cares if I don't look as great as I'd like to- it's only a matter of time :)

Thanks for being the best group of bloggy friends a girl could ever ask for!

Day #78: Finally!

You all will never even believe what happened yesterday.

So I know I've filled you all in on the job situation a bit but just to clarify, as of yesterday morning this is where I was:

- Do I stay at the job I've had for 2 weeks that is comfortable, easy, and close but with no promise of advancement, poor pay, and doing something I'm not even the least bit interested in?

Or

- Do I take the job that was being offered to me that is doing something I'm passionate about, that is in an inconvenient location, and was a clerical (lower paying) position than the one that I originally applied for with that company?

To say the least- I had absolutely no idea what to do and I had to make a decision by today. Well, yesterday morning before I headed out the door in the morning I prayed this simple prayer: "God, you know not only what I want in life but what I need. Please make whatever decision I should make blaringly obvious to me so that I can have confidence knowing that I'm doing the right thing."

Well guess the frick what... yesterday a few hours later I received an email from the HR manager of the company that had just offered me the clerical position saying that they had a person resign the day before and wanted to know if I would still be interested in taking the original position that I applied for (and so desperately wanted) and with the salary increase as well!!!!!!!!! Now if that ain't a blaringly obvious sign I don't know what is!?!? It would have been a priceless picture to see my face as I read that email because I wouldn't have guessed in a thousand years that would have happened- so needless to say, I'm thrilled to be stepping into a professional job for the first time in my life that I know that will be both challenging and rewarding.

Thanks for all of your prayers, pieces of advice, and words of encouragement concerning this- it helped! Now I just have to face my last day at my old job today (which will most likely be difficult and awkward) but I have the confidence knowing that I'm heading in the right direction and that is all that matters.

Ok, ok I know this is a weight loss blog and I haven't mentioned a single thing about health or fitness today but I feel like you all have become a part of my life over these last 4 months and I couldn't wait to share this news with you all! But I promise, more weight loss blogging to come- believe me- there's lots to share!

This weekend's weigh in has the potential to be pretty monumental for me- as you know, last week I weighed in at 314 and...

Losing 1lb will mean a a new progress pic!

Losing 2lbs would mean I hit the 40lb mark!

Losing 3+lbs would mean I would be in uncharted territory (aka- in the last 6 years I don't remember weighing any less than 312).

We shall see.... : )

Day #77: You talkin' to ME!?!

Hey ya'll!

So I went through a few weeks a while back where I felt like I had absolutely nothing to say on here but lately I have had SO much that I've wanted to share with you all that I don't even know where to start! Geez, not a bad problem to have I guess!

Thank you all for the words of advice and encouragement about my job situation- I think I've come to a decision but I am going to take one more day to pray about it and let just be still and quiet- no worrying, just...peace. I'll be sure to let you know what happens though.

As you all know, I set goals every month that I strive to meet- they keep me focused and motivated and are a huge asset. Well one of my goals for the month of March was to do the elliptical for 25 minutes...an amount of time that seemed daunting to me even when I set it. Well...guess what I did on Monday??? I did 25 freaking minutes on the elliptical! Goal met! Whoo hooo! To think that only 2 short months ago I could barely do 5 minutes is pretty crazy and it is proving to me that I am becoming more fit which is just fan-freaking-tastic!

But here's where stuff really gets crazy...

So after I did the elliptical and did the jig on the inside I headed over to the bathroom where I had planned on taking a nice sweaty pic to share with you all as I customarily do- well my plan was foiled when someone walked into the bathroom right after me- a lady, probably in her late thirties, in decent shape- and after washing her hands for a few seconds, turned to me and asked: "Does the elliptical get any easier?" At first I looked at her in disbelief; surely she couldn't be asking ME for advice on working out- HA- laughable!

But sure enough, she was! She went on to share how she can't do more than a few minutes without feeling like her lungs were going to explode which gave me the opportunity to share about my progression on the elliptical- it was a short and sweet conversation and it ended by me telling her "It definitely gets easier, you've just got to stick with it."

As I walked out of the bathroom I could almost feel the lump in my throat growing by the second and my eyes swelling up with tears- I still cannot believe that someone at the gym (who is not also morbidly obese) was asking ME for workout advice and was looking up to me!!? Wow- it was a moment I won't soon forget. And the funny thing is, it's true- this does all get easier, we've just got to stick with it.

On another note my working out schedule is going to be a bit stiffled this week due to the fact that every day after work I have some sort of obligation- at first the thought of not making it to the gym 5 times this week was pretty upsetting but you know what? I've got to be realistic and do what I can and as long as I'm doing that I'm doing my best. Life gets crazy and I'm going to have to adjust- this week it is my goal to make it to the gym at least 2 more times (I've already gone once), which means that next week I will hit it 5x's with everything I've got.

Hope you all are having a sweeeet day!

P.S. tomorrow's Friday! :)

Day #76: Decisions and Depp!

Hey-Hey-Hey!

Today I have so much that I would like to share that I feel like I'm going to burst at the seams!

For starters, I know if I don't just go ahead and get this out of the way then I won't be able to concentrate on what I'd really like to say so here goes- most of you will remember when I lost my job exactly 1 month ago and how things have been pretty stressful with being in limbo between the job I was offered and the job I really want. Well basically what has happened is that I decided to take the job I was offered and have been working there for the past 2 weeks; I didn't know what else to do because the other job really wasn't a sure thing. Well today I finally got the call I was waiting for and found out that I have been offered the other job! However, there are a few catches- it is for a lower position than I was expecting (with room for growth) and is a little lower in price than I thought- but still about $3,000 more a year than I am making now. So now I am stuck with an even more difficult decision: Do I leave the job I have now that is very easy, has extremely nice people, I've already grown accustomed to it, and is closer to my house but hardly uses any of my skills, has literally no room for moving up in the company, and has me at the absolutely minimal amount that I can survive on- or- do I take the job that I can see myself being able to grow into for the next 5 years, makes a bit more money, and is better suited to using my skills but will require me to completely dump the company I've been with for the last 2 weeks (which is actually hard), and to work downtown (which I am NOT looking forward to!) Nothing but QUESTIONS?????? Grrr... do you see my dilemma? Either way, I've got to make a decision by Friday so please pray for me- all I really want is what God wants for me anyways so I'm just going to try and quiet all of these questions and hear from Him.

Whew! Now that that is kind of out of the way I wanted to share something reallllly cool that happened this past weekend that is one of the first great NSV (non-scale-victories) that I've had thus far!

As I've read in many of your blogs, it seems I'm not the only one who has ever found themselves SQUISHED when they go to the movie theatre. My past experiences at the movies have been something like this: When I go to sit down I will either experience the sides of the chairs digging into my hips (if the arm rests don't go up) or I'll have to put both of the armrests up so that I can fit, which is a bit awkward/obvious when your friends need somewhere to put their drink! This has pretty much been my experience for the last 3ish years.

Welllllll this weekend I took one of the girls from our youth group (Mel!) out to see Alice in Wonderland! *Psst- I love me some Johnny Depp!*So I'm guessing you know where this is going...when she and I went to sit down I thought- uh oh, here we go I'm going to be feeling the pressure of the armrests as soon as I plop myself down here- BUT to my suprise, I felt NOTHING pushing into my hips! Now I'm not saying there was TONS of room, but definitely a noticeable difference!

It's funny, the scale can tell us we are losing weight but it's sometimes hard to believe until it translates into our real life- like going down a pant size or being able to do something in comfort that we couldn't do before!

See, don't I look happy??? :)
It's because I WAS! And because the movie was in 3D you know we had to get a pic with our cool glasses on!
I'm so excited that not only does this journey bring weight loss, but all of the little gifts like this that come along with it! Can't wait to figure out what else in my life is going to be so much more enjoyable as I become healthier and healthier.

Alright it's time for me to peace out but I did want to mention that I have a rather *special* post that will be coming soon and I seriously cannot wait to share it with you all!!!

Love yinz (that's pittsburghese for ya!)

Day #75: Not sure if you've noticed but...you're fat.

Howdy!

So yesterday I had a rather... interesting experience that brought back a few memories that I would have rather left buried wayyyy back in the parts of my brain that include all the useless info that my prof's swore was practical and I haven't used in the past few years, old N'Sync songs, and the picture of the way I wore my bangs swooped over to the side like a wave all through elementary school- you know- that place where you keep the things you would rather just completely forget!

I'm guessing I'm not the only one who has ever had an awkward experience when someone makes an attempt at "reaching out to you" to help you lose weight?! I've shared before that even though I've been overweight my entire life- VERY few people have ever said anything to me about it. No, I mean VERY few. I think maybe 2 members of my family have said something about it in my entire life- and obviously friends aren't going to bring it up so me being obese was pretty easy to ignore...except for those random occurences when some random person would say something or offer some piece of advice because they can clearly see you need it. I know they mean well, but it's like..."HELLO- do you think I had no clue that I am overweight? Thank you SO much for letting me know that!" lol

One of these such memories is quite comical. You see all through high school I went to church at least 3 times a week and would pretty much sit in the same spot every time- and although I went to a very large church, it seemed that the same people would sit in the same section every week so you got to at least recognize some faces. One of the people who always sat either in my row or in a row around me was this little old lady who had to have been no younger than 80 (I think she told me once that she was 87- but I don't remember)- she was short, hunched over, had red hair, fake eyelashes, and always wore bright red lipstick. Most of the time if we talked it would just be to say hello or a quick "how are you?"- this probably went on for about 2 years until one day she came up to me before the service and said something similar to this: "You know, you have a very pretty face, and if you could just get some of this weight off of you, you would feel so much better and be so beautiful. You know- I am a dietician and I could bring you some information on how to get this weight off if you want it...." And of course I couldn't be rude to her so I just said, "Oh thank you, sure I would love some information!" And wouldn't you know the next week she brought me this packet on "The Grapefruit Diet"which she swore would melt the pounds away! Clearly, that didn't happen and I think she finally gave up on me but I always felt a little bad about how much she must have pitied me.

Situations like that made me laugh more than they do anything else- people aren't trying to be hurtful (and for me they usually weren't) but it's always, always, always awkward!

Well, wouldn't you know it I got the pleasure of enjoying another one of those awkward moments just yesterday! When I logged onto facebook, I saw that I had an event invitation from an lady that helped me put on an event awhile back- when I clicked on it to see what it was I discovered that it was a page about how if you know anyone that needs to lose weight you need to tell them about this amazing acai diet pill blah blah blah. Is it just me or would you not be embaressed to send someone something like that!? haha She was basically saying- Tiffany, you're overweight, I know you, so you should probably check this site out but I don't want to talk to you about it in person! I hope this isn't reading like I'm mad- because I'm not AT ALL- I really just think it's funny!

I guess I've got to commend these brave souls for stepping out and saying something that is not easy to say, b/c I know it comes from a place of concern- but I can't lie- I really wanted to send her a message back and say... thanks for the even invitation but I think the almost 40lbs I've lossed is proof that I'm doing okay without acai! Buuuuut I didn't :) However, the thing that jump started me on this journey was a friend asking if I would like to do The Biggest Loser Challenge with them...and the rest is history in the making!

I'm wondering- what do you all think... Is it okay to say something about a person's weight to them? Or should you just assume they know and let them figure it out for themselves?

Day #73 & #74: Holy Shmokes

Hey ya'll! So this is my current fb profile pic- it is my declaration that even though it is only about 45 degrees outside- I'm livin' the dream and ready for Spring! I can't lie- I lurve me some aviators :)

So yesterday was weigh in day and the results are in...

Previous Week: 317
This Week: 314
Loss of: -3lbs

In all reality this is more of a 1lb loss since I gained 2lbs last week but I've gotta say I'm pretty happy with this weigh in. Why?

#1- I seriously gave it ALL that I had this week. Remember how last week I shared that while I wasn't doing horribly, I knew how great my best was and I knew I wasn't giving my BEST- well I made sure to change that this week. I didn't make one food choice that I would change and I finally made it to the gym 5x's last week. It wasn't easy- there were some days that I had to rearrange my schedule just to be sure that I made it to the gym but I'm learning that if I don't put my health first, no one else will. And because I gave it my all I don't look at this week as a failure since I didn't hit the # I wanted to (which happened to be 312), because I know that I couldn't have done ANYTHING differently, I fought like hell, and the scale with show the results of my efforts sooner or later.

#2- I'm on my period- so I'm guessing the fact that I was able to lose 3lbs during a week like this means that I will hopefully get at least to my milestone next week of having lost 40 lbs....holy guacamole.

#3- I can literally feel my body changing more this week than possibly any other. I don't know if I look any different but my body sure does feel different; my hips feel smaller, my jeans are even loser, and I got to experience one fabulous freakin' NSV that I'll be sharing later this week. Life is good.

And I can't lie about the fact that I'm pretty stoked that in 1 more pound I'll be able to post a new progress pic! Whoo hoo!

Lots of excitement going on around here!

Have a fabulous day friends and let this be a week that you can look back on and say that you gave it your all- I promise that it will make what the scale says matter very little :)

Day #72: My friend Ellie.

Happy Saturday everyone!
I've fallen in love recently. We haven't known each other for very long, but I really see this relationship taking me places that are nothing but positive. I feel great when I'm with them and we seem to be spending more and more time together... wanna meet them? Allow me to introduce you: Ellie (or Elliot!)BAHAHAHA- sorry, I couldn't resist! :)

But for real, I love me some Elliptical! This was always one of those machines that I never thought were "for me" at the gym. Most of the time the people that had used them at other gyms I have gone to in the past were the skinny minnies and I didn't even want to know what it would look like with my bum up there. However, since my gym is amazing and has a WIDE variety of people working out there, at any given time I'll see a really fit chick and a grandma getting their ellipitical on side by side! So because of this I had the courage to try it fairly early on when I started going to the gym and like I've shared before, I remember the first time I hopped on I could only do 5 minutes before I felt like my face was going to explode! But I've slowly gained more and more endurance till I was able to hit my last month's goal of doing 15 minutes which was a great feeling!

Well this morning I was feeling super energized so I broke my longest time elliptical record and did it for 22 minutes- woot woot! That really is a huge change for me and the best part is, I really enjoy being on the elliptical- I've been frequenting the treadmill and upright (or hybrid) bikes so much that my workouts have begun feeling a bit teadious lately so this is a nice change of pace.

And while I'm really enjoying this machine more and more, I realized that I still had a lot of questions about it- so I've done some research and I thought we'de to a little Ellitical 101 and answer some of the questions that I (and most likely some of you) have about this rockin new friend of mine!

Question #1) What are the benefits of working out on an elliptical compared to a treadmill? Let's just preface this response with "any movement is better than no movement at all"- Mr. T has been a good friend to me, but there's no point in ignoring some obvious differences.
-Because your feet never actually hit the ground when doing the elliptical, your body absorbs literally no shock, as when you run or walk on a treadmill or the pavement, your joints and bones have to absorb the shock of hitting the ground. Hence, this being an ideal exercise for someone who is recovering from a joint injury, an older person, or someone who carries an abundance of excess weight (*hand raised!*).
- Using the elliptical gives you a total body workout becausae it not only involves utilizing your legs, but your arms and core as well. Studies show that using your arms while on the elliptical can help you lose 30% more calories in the same amount of time than just walking alone.
- Because we use our arms, core, and legs when doing the elliptical, which is more difficult, our heart rate rises much quicker than when we just walk so we end up burning more calories in a shorter amount of time. Um hello- who doesn't like that deal!??

Question #2: How long should you stay on the elliptical to get a good workout?
- Like any other piece of gym equipment, you get in what you put out- there are no miracle machines, but the elliptical comes pretty close!
- Because our heart rate rises quick when using an elliptical, we dont' have to stay on more than 20-30 minutes to get an optimum, full body workout.
- Trainers suggest that people start out doing 20-30 minutes two times a week and slowly increase it to 5 times a week. Resistance may also be added (via levels) in order to increase difficulty.

Question #3: How does running on an elliptical compare to regular running?
- The answers that I found to this were pretty inconclusive but I did peruse some forums just to get some real life feedback from runners and most of them said that it differs in the following ways:
- When transferring from elliptical to pavement running it takes a while for your body to get used to absorbing the shock of your feet hitting the ground.
- Using an elliptical does help to build your endurance and create the mindset that it takes to run long distances.

So there you have it folks! I'm excited that as my time and stamina increases on the elliptical and I begin my C25K training very soon (eeeek!) to compare the two- I'll be sure to share!

Finally, I wanted to leave you all with a few tips that I've come up with to help me out when I'm on the elliptical:
1- If I don't keep my mind occupied while I'm on any cardio machine, I find myself looking at the time and wanting to get off; so on the ellipical I always make sure that I have a magazine to read or that I'm near a tv- this seriously works like a charm!
2- I will break the time up into segments; for example, today I broke the time up into 4, 5 minute segments so that I can just keep asking myself, "Can you do 5 more minutes?" instead of saying "can you do 15 more minutes?"
3- I also will do something at the end of every 5 minutes like take a drink of water or stretch my arms or neck- this just helps me feel like time is going by I guess! lol
4- I cover up the time with my magazine usually and will only periodically look when I feel like a 5 minute mark is coming up!
5- I picture a goal that I have and rememeber how being on the elliptical is helping me reach that goal (*cough*my 5k*cough).

And here is picture proof that Ellie and I have been getting along just fine :)You may not be able to tell but I was *covered* in sweat- isn't that a fabulous feeling?

Alright, time for me to get going on some errands- tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm hoping for a certain # but I'm not sure I'll be seeing it due to the fact that my monthly visitor has arrived...ah oh well!

Have a great day! :)

Day #71: Words= Power.

Morning loves!

Thanks for the great discussion on yesterdays post "My Beef w/ Beck;" it's always good to hear a variety of opinions from such wise people :)

I just need to be honest right now... I'm feeling hurt, angry, and misunderstood.

Yesterday I was called out by another blogger who wrote an entire post about me in which I was accused of being: "condescending," told that I act "acting like my poop doesn't stink," and that I "don't have my sh*t together," and was basically referred to as being ignorant and rude.

It's not important who the person is or even the specific details of the event, but I will say that when I read the post it completely shook me. I blog and comment on blogs for no other reason than to support others, get support myself, and learn- not be to put down or bullied which is exactly what their post accomplished.

Can I just throw something out there? This is a rule that I think is good for all of us to follow- if someone writes a comment or a post about something that you find personally offensive, talk to them about it (through a private email) first to make sure that you are truly understanding what they were saying and that there isn't a misunderstanding taking place before devoting an entire public post for all to read dedicated to what you perceive their flaws to be- it's called respect.

Sorry- I just felt like I needed to share that because it really did make me sad to hear that there would be ANY sort of drama in a community that needs to be all about support. I will not be mentioning this again and I'm not going to give this situation another moment of my time.

It is actually quite funny (in an ironic sort of way) that this happened because I was planning on writing about the power of our words today! This blogging community is made up of some truly amazing, inspiring, compassionate people who faithfully support the efforts of others through leaving comments on posts- how many times have you felt like you could literally feel a hug that someone sent you in a comment!? I know I've felt a few- doesn't this picture portray it perfectly?I can think back to at least 3 different specific comments that were left on my blog that I still remember and help to keep me moving forward:

1) Kyle left me a comment a ways back that was probably the most meaningful one I've ever received- and the funny thing is that it was only 2 words! hahaha After I wrote a post about how I had messed up in regards to my eating but I had gone to the gym later and kicked butt he simply wrote: "Your unstoppable!" Don't ask me why but that seriously meant the world to me- it was a moment where I wasn't the only one trying to convince myself that it was true- but that someone else had enough faith in me and saw enough potential that they really did believe it! Thanks Kyle- those 2 little words have kept me working hard ever since I read them!

2) Melissa left a comment just last week that truly helped me put things in perspective- she wrote: "As I've said many times before, the fact that you recognize the road block and deal with it mentally is yet another step on this journey. Some steps are in the form of exercise, some are food choices, some are scale numbers. But others, and honestly the ones that make all the difference are in self evaluation and changing your thinking and self image. This is another step and it gets you down the road in the direction you want to go. " Thanks, Melissa- you've got some wisdom lady! :)

3) Syl was one of the first bloggers that I began to read before I even started my blog- she is one intense chick and she was also the 1st person to comment on my blog saying that she KNEW I could attain my goal of losing 100lbs in a year. I have had other people (with nothing but GREAT intentions) say that they didn't know if I would lose 100lbs this year but that I would still do well, and it killed me to read that- but I have always known that Syl has had faith that I can and will do it! Thanks lady!

I'm sure you all could think of other bloggers that have helped keep you going on this difficult journey and have made it feel a little less lonely- and I seriously could have easily added 20 more people to that list of faithful and supportive commenters that have been walking with me, holding my hand, on this journey.

I am taking these lessons away from today (and I hope you do too!):
- Our words have power. Let us use them for good and not evil.
- People are going to think what they want to think- as long as you know your heart and motives there is not much more you can do.
- Be grateful for the gift that this blogging community is b/c it is priceless one!
- Don't allow the one negative voice that is squaking out to overshadow the hundreds of truthful ones!

Something I was told a while back that has always stuck with me is that we only have a certain amount of energy every day to spend and to not waste it on things/people that you can't change and that don't care about you. Today, chose to use your energy, time, and resources on people and things that really matter, like your health, family, and friends.

Love you bloggies- SO grateful for you! :) :) :)

Day #70: My Beef w/ Beck!

Alright, so onto that controversial post I promised you all yesterday- here it is :)

*Disclaimer: These are just my opinions. I'm not posting this as a way to try and defer anyone from utilizing this resource; I'm simply sharing what my thoughts and opinions are on the subject.*
If you've been reading weight loss blogs for a while or have perused the health and wellness section of any bookstore you have undoubtedly heard about or seen Dr. Judith Beck and her book "The Beck Diet for Life;" (first of all, doesn't that title just depress you? The word diet is like a 4 letter word in my book- but I get it, I'm being facetious).

After reading about it on a few of my favorite blogs I decided that I should head over to the community library and check it out- and while there are a lot of really great, true, and helpful things that Dr. Beck discusses in her book, I have to say that I don't believe that this is a book "for life" at all.

Let me explain by sharing 2 examples of Dr. Beck's key principals:

1) The Beck diet for Life program hinges on the idea that you absolutely must plan in advance everything you eat and that you must not eat anything that you haven't planned to eat beforehand. I understand this principle, and I couldn't agree more that eating healthily does require preparation and planning, but while I think it's a nice idea to be able to never eat anything unplanned, I know that it is not a realistic one. Who's day goes completely according to plan all of the time? Who wants to live a life where you can never enjoy a bite of a co-workers birthday cake? If this is supposed to be a diet that is "for life" than I think people are really being set up for failure because life doesn't always happened "as planned" and I know that flexibility (within reason) has been a huge key to my success in weight loss thus far. I find it far more valuable to focus on teaching people how to handle the crazy, unpredictable situations of life while maintaining their weight loss goals instead of trying to add even more difficulty and opportunity for failure to an already challenging journey.

2) The Beck Diet for Life program has many principles that are used for weight loss and one of them that Dr. Beck insists must be followed is that you must always sit down while eating and enjoy every bite. I get the reason why this is important: when we eat mindlessly (which can happen when we are on the go) then we don't realize how much we are eating and can more easily ignore our "full signal," we should learn to really taste our food and enjoy it, when we sit down to eat we will eat slower which allows more time to feel full, etc. But again, I just don't find this realistic for real life whether it be long or short term. There are days when you wake up late or things are crazy and your just on the go- if I had to eat every meal sitting down and savoring each bite of food, I would probably only eat one meal a day- if that!

I understand what Dr. Beck is trying to do- teach new ways of living, eating, and thinking, but in my opinion these standards don't seem attainable for the long-haul; and isn't that what this is all about? When reading this book I kept feeling like it was making weight loss a zillion times harder than it has to be- it's already tough- why add all of the unnecessary rules to provide even more opportunities for failure?

While I don't agree that The Beck Diet for Life is practical (or for REAL life at all) I will say that she is SPOT ON about the importance of cognitive therapy in regards to weight loss. Dr. Beck takes an approach to weight loss that not many others do- she focuses on what is going on in our minds and changing our thinking in order to change our habits- thus changing our lives. Personally, I have come to realize that 95% of this battle takes place in our minds so if you can win there you are gold. This book does a fantastic job at showing the reader how to replace negative, self-sabotaging thoughts with positive and empowering ones. I also really like the idea of the "response cards" and think exercises like that are key to maintaining motivation and losing weight.

Hey- if the Beck Diet has worked for you then I'll be the first one to be excited for ya- it just isn't practical for me and it never will be. My life is crazy (and I'm guessing yours is to) and unless I want to set myself up for failure I've got to stick w/ my plan which allows me to have some flexibility when needed, otherwise I won't last a week, let alone a lifetime!

Have you read this book? What were your thoughts?

Finally, I leave you all with a pic of my sweaty mug from last night- I was seriously dripping- gotta love that feeling! :)
Alright love ya bloggies (even you hardcore Beck lovers! :)

Day #69: Food Fun!

Hi friends!

Thought I'd keep it light-hearted today and do a fun little activity that has been going 'round the blogs about FOOD! Here we go...

5 Foods I Used to Love:

1) Starbucks Caramel Frapps! If you've been reading my blog for an extended amount of time you know how deep my Starbucks addiction ran, and with these babies being about 500 cals a pop, it's no wonder I weighed as much as I did! Wanna hear something cool? While I used to frequent Starbizzle at least 3-4 times a week, I've only been 1 time in the last MONTH! The funny thing is, this wasn't even on purpose- I guess once you've limited yourself to drinks that are really only mediocre, you don't want them as often. Whatever works!

2) Potato Chips w/ French Onion Dip! This was pretty much my snack of choice and I can't lie it still sounds good but chips are just one of those items (along with french fries) that I just can't keep laying around the house. It's not like I'll never have them again, but if I do it won't be because I have a bag at home!

3) Buffalo Chicken Pizza w/ ranch dressing! Oh man, the # of personal size buffalo chicken pizzas that I ate last summer... but this meal pretty much combines all of my favorite foods- chicken, cheese, bread, buffalo sauce, and ranch!

4) Taco Bell Chalupas! Man, I used to hit up T.B. and get 2 Chalupa Supremes, a crunchy taco, and a large Pepsi...ay dios mio! If you can't tell, I'm all about the carbs and salt!

5) Fettuccini Alfredo w/ Garlic Bread! Who doesn't love pasta, cheesy sauce, and buttery bread? Um... def not me!

5 Foods I LOVE Now:

1) Oatmeal! I have never been an oatmeal eater and some of you will remember that I even struggled to eat it at the beginning, but now that I've learned how to "doctor it up" as my grandma would say, it's one mighty tastey breakfast meal! I eat the Quaker Oats High Fiber Brown Sugar and Maple Syrup (don't hate, it's low in sugar!) w/ 1 tbsp of natural, reduced fat peanut butter, and a packet of Splenda.

2) Spinach! I had never really given Spinach much of a chance of getting into my diet before becoming healthy- now it makes a regular appearance in my daily food choices.

3) Whole Wheat things! Basically any bread that I eat now is whole wheat (eng muffins, naan, subway bread, etc.)- I was always convinced that it wouldn't taste good and that I would be able to tell a huge difference but honestly I really can't and I really...dare I say, like it!

4) Hummus! This is another thing that I had never tried before but I love love love love it! I get the garlic kind from Trader Joe's and dip pretzel thins in it as well as spread it on pita bread.

5) Luna Bars! I decided to try Luna bars after feeling famished during a workout and boy am I glad I did because they are YUMMMMMY! My favorite kind is the peanut butter cookie!

5 Foods I Still Can't Stand:

1) Cabbage, Sour Kraut, and Brussel Sprouts! I know these aren't all the same foods but they all taste similar to me so they get grouped together. Bleck!

2) Green Beans! This is quite possibly the one food in the world that I literally gag at the smell of.

3) Chocolate Cake! I know, I know, stone me now but I'm just not a huge chocolate fan. I really enjoy a hot cup of coacoa every now and then but something as rich as chocolate cake would cause me to have to drink a gallon of milk!

4) Peppers! Although I love spicy food I just can't get into peppers- I don't like the taste of them at all.

5) Ding-Dongs, Twinkies, etc. ! Those suggary little debbie cake type things have just always grossed me out- I feel like I would be eating aerosol or something! lol

A few misc updates:
- I should be finding out by the end of this week if I got the job that I am really wanting!
- I walked at a 1.5% incline tonight on Mr. T- I usually don't use any incline!
- I'll be writing what I'm sure is going to be a rather controversial post later this week... gotta love stirring the blog controversy pot! :)

Day #68: Chili, Pimples, and Sun :)

Howdy!

Today I've got a big bunch of randomness for you all- excited? Thought so :)

1st bit of randomness:
Guess what I made last night???? CHILI!!!! Yea, I know- my food pics aren't glamorous but I promise you this chili is AMAZING. Truthfully, I've been wanting to cook some chili for a while now but was a bit intimidated- but after having done it I have no idea why- is there an easier meal to cook in this world? The answer is no.

I wish I had a calorie count for you all but I just started throwing stuff in a pot so I really couldn't even give you a good guestimation- but I know that it is a protein powerhouse! This melting pot included: 2 cans of crushed tomatoes, a package of extra lean ground beef, a can of black beans, red light kidney beans, tons of garlic, 1 tspn of cumin, 1 tblspoon of chili powder and a pinch of salt. I let it cook for about 15 minutes, and viola, I now have lunch for the rest of the week- I can pretty much guarantee that this will become a major staple in my diet from now on :)

2nd bit of randomness:The gym is making me ugly!!!
Hahahah juuuuusut kidding, but I'm convinced that working out is the culprit behind my ever breaking out skin! Seriously, not to sound rude but I have had perfect skin my entire life; sure, I've had a pimple before but never anything that was a big deal. Lately, I've been breaking out wayyy more than I ever have. Don't believe me?Check out that monster on my chin! I've been looking online for any advice I could find about whether working out really causes pimples and if so what to do about it but it's rather inconclusive. Has anyone else noticed that the more you work out the worse your skin gets? I've decided that I'm going to start taking off all of my face makeup before I go to the gym now to see if that makes any difference. Lame!

Final bit of randomness: IT'S SUNNNYYYYYYY!
I am SOOoOoOooOoOOOOoOoOOoo excited that it looks like the snow is LOOONNNG GONE! Man, having spent my life living in AZ and FL, I have definitely underappreciated the sun- you should have seen me this weekend when it was nothing but blue skies- I was almost skipping down the street! I'm excited to spend lots of time outside this summer running, swimming, and playing volleyball- how can you not want to be outside being active when it's bright and sunny out?

Alright friends, I'm out! Hoping that you all are having a happy and healthy day! :)

Day #67: Mrs. Gold Medalist :)

Morning loves!

Being that it is Monday, and that I've been talking lots about motivation lately, I figured why not do another installment of "Motivation Monday!" I did one of these wayyyyy back in the day and will do them periodically now and again.

So for today's Motivation Monday, I thought I'd share one of the reasons that I want to lose weight and that keeps me motivated.

Can't lie- I feel probably more embarrassed about sharing this one reason than I do any other but either way, it' the truth so it can only be beneficial for me to share...

Imagine this...you walk into your doctors office and you see that it is full house in the waiting room and of course everyone has stared at you as you walked in as they have nothing better to do than to just sit their and wait to be seen by the Dr. When you look around the room and survey any open seats you find only one, and people are sitting on both sides of the chair; and it just so happens that one of them happens to be a majorly gorgeous Evan Lysacek look a like. (haha- you can insert whoever you find absolutely delicious :) And you decide, because it would look awkward now that everyone has seen you eyeing the open chair to just keep standing, that you will pop a squat over there by Mr. Greek god. (In case you need a reminder of just how hott he is....
:)

Now herein lies my problem- had I taken a seat next to Mr. Hottness, the entire time I would be thinking about how unhappy he probably was to be having to sit by me and I would almost feel SORRY that he would have to.

I've experienced this multiple times where I would get put right next to the typical "hottie" and I would literally feel apologetic for them having to be seen with me or put with me. Is this okay? UM NO!!!

This one thing is a rather stranger phenomenon to me because as I've shared before I really do have a high level of self-confidence and all, but this has been the one thing that always made me feel so...inferior.

Now PLEASE understand that this is in NO WAY ANY PART of my true motivation for losing weight- I've already shared most of those reasons with you all- but it is going to be a nice perk when I can be put into any situation and just feel normal.

And dare I be so bold to say, I would like to get to the point where my weight is absolutely 100% removed from the reasons why a guy couldn't like me. If he is not attracted or interested that's fine, I just want it to be for another reason, even if it's another physical reason.

So there you have it- my motivation for this Monday :) Kind of a depressing thing to share, but one that will surely turn into something empowering!

Anyone ever felt something similar?

Love ya bloggies!

Day #65 & #66: Drama Free Zone

I lived in denial for a long time prior to this journey.

I would periodically step on the scale when I could muster up enough courage and find that I had gained 15-20lbs but would assure myself that sooner or later I would lose all of the weight.

I would shop at Lane Bryant (the only store who's pants I could actually where), discover that I had to go up another size but still tell myself that it wasn't a big deal and all a part of "growing up."

I allowed myself to get bigger and bigger and bigger and by some miracle was able to convince myself that it wouldn't have an effect on the rest of my life- whether I got married, had children, or how well I would be able to do my job.

I was in denial for years. And over the past 3-4 months I've began to awaken from this fat coma and realize that I do have the power to change my life, that my life is being effected by my weight, and that if I don't do something I will only get bigger.

It appears to me that whether we like it or not this journey carries with it some drama. When we first begin everything is different and we are faced with the unhappy state that we find ourselves in that cause us to want to change- it's quite dramatic. All of this is soon to be followed by all of the drastic changes we realize we must make and everyday we are learning something new about health, fitness, ourselves and how we got this way.

And while the last few weeks have certainly had no shortage of drama in my personal life, the drama of this journey has drastically decreased and is basically non-existent; and for some reason- unbeknownst to me- this lack of drama and change has caused me to become lax.
I began this blog for 2 reasons: 1- As a way of chronicling my journey- I knew this is something that I would want to look back on and that someone else might be interested/helped by my daily ramblings. 2- Accountability: B/C of the way my life is set up, I don't have a lot of people that feel comfortable holding me accountable in the area of health/weight loss; I knew this was something that would be too easy for me to put on the back burner and just forget about it altogether. Thus far, this blog has fulfilled both of these purposes- plus connected me w/some pretty rockin' people :)

But this week I found myself making choices that I am not happy with; if I were to list them all out I would undoubtedly receive comments saying that I am being too hard on myself and that those things aren't really that bad- but here's the catch- I know how great my best is, and I have not been giving my best during this past week. Last night I found myself at Eat N' Park (basically Denny's) at 11pm w/ a friend eating fried zucchini and cheesy spinach and artichoke dip w/ reckless abandon. Why? Because I wanted it.

I have so many plans set in place to keep last night from happening (ask myself if it's really worth it, remember one of the many reasons I want to lose, look at an unflattering pic, etc.) and they all work- IF you do them. Last night I didn't even give it a thought- I just did what I wanted, not out of rebellion, but just out of a lack of concern.

What the heck is wrong with me? I weigh 315lbs- is that not reason for concern? Maybe it's just that the amount of success I've had thus far lead me to believe that I don't really have to try that hard and that I can eat carelessly and that it won't matter. Wrong. The scale made sure I understood that today when it read 317- that's a 2lb gain from last week. Truthfully, I'm glad that I gained, I needed a wake up call.

I know what my best is and I'm giving it all I've got- not just this week but for the rest of this year. I by no means "fell of the wagon"- I don't believe in those, remember? But I did make some unhealthy choices that I've learned from and am moving forward w/ the knowledge of how to not repeat them in the future. Yes, these past few weeks have been crazy and that's completely out of my control, but now I know how to handle these things better. But I do have to say I'm proud for the way I handled them this time too- just could have done BETTER. I have come to the realization that I don't need the effect of drama to keep me moving forward on this journey- just self discipline and hard work, both of which I have plenty of. It's ok that this is feeling more natural, I know that's a sign that this will be easier to maintain long-term.

As I have, I ask you to answer this questions honestly: Are you giving this your very best?

If not, you'd better figure out why b/c I've figured out that this journey will accept nothing less than your absolute best.

I leave you all with a beautiful, beautiful, sight for my sore eyes that I encountered yesterday...
Until I moved to PA a few months ago, I didn't even own a single pair of "regular" shoes- all I owned was flip flops- needless to say I am MORE than ready to be sportin' them again VERY soon! Today I bought 2 pairs at Old Navy as my way of declaring that Spring is on its way :)