SooooOooOooOOOoOOOOooo.........
I stepped on the scale a few minutes ago and guess what it said???????
32-freakin-5!!!!!! Meaning a 5lb loss this week :)
I couldn't believe that it actually said the one number that I was looking for! I actually got on the scale twice just to check it!
Wow. This is monumental for me because:
- This is the 1st weight loss goal that I've set and actually achieved.
- This is the lowest that I've weighed on this journey.
- This means that I'm not doomed to fail as that dang voice was telling me earlier this week.
- I've lost 27lbs!
One last whoo hoo and I'll be done celebrating... WHO HOO!!! :)
I also wanted to evaluate what happened with my January goals so that in the morning I can post the new ones for February!
Goal 1) Weigh no more than 325lbs on Jan 31st- CHECK.
Goal 2) Do 2 strength training routines a week for 1 month- WOMP WOMP: Not trying to give an excuse but I pretty much no longer desired this goal after the first week; b/c the second week of Jan. I fasted and then I got sick, and then after joining the gym I just wanted to do cardio so I didn't complete this one but, I'm okay :)
Goal 3) Walk 5x's a week for 1 month- WOMP WOMP: This is another goal that kind of changed- I'm still new on this journey so I'm guessing they do that! At first I planned to only do the indoor walking DVD's through January but then when the gym came up I couldn't resist! Again, fasting and sickness kind of killed this one also.
Goal 4) Track POINT/Calories for 1 week- CHECK. For the newbies to my blog I used to count POINTS, but this month I switched to counting calories and it just works much better for me.
Goal 5) Try 3 new healthy recipes this month- CHECK: Brussel Sprouts, Tuna Salad, and Tofu Shiritaki.
Wow- so much really did happen this month between joining the gym (huge!), actually going to the gym and enjoying it, fasting, surviving my first fight with the scale, finding which way tracking food works for me, and hitting 100+ followers for this blog!
Alright ya'll- you da best!
If January didn't got exactly as planned, FORGET ABOUT IT, and move on! February can be just as good to you as January was to me!
Peace and Love :)
Sunday, 31 January 2010
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Day #30: Just Do It!
Hey party people-
I'm on the run but I just wanted to share some things that happened last night that were pretty monumental for me and I think you all might find helpful as well!
So last night I was out with a big group of friends for a community event we were putting on and we all decided to go out to one of our favorite local restaurants afterward called The Library; the food is amazing there and for whatever reason no matter what time of day it is their appetizers are 50% off which used to equal me inhaling fried yumminess like there would be no tomorrow.
So while we are waiting for table to be ready I was trying to plan out what it was I would get to eat when I found myself thinking, "You know what? I have been SO good this week, I haven't "cheated" even once and I deserve to be able to get whatever I want, I mean come on, this food is so cheap and so good; everyone else is going to get what they want!" At that moment I had a choice to make and I had pretty much decided I was going to indulge in whatever I wanted when I had a sudden epiphany- these are the situations and decisions that keep and make people obese.
It's easy to eat healthy when you feel motivated to, or when you're not being tempted, or when you step on the scale and see a number that makes you want to puke; but motivation, the lack of temptation, and self-loathing will only get you so far for so long.
It really is a matter of decision that there is no turning back; I realized at that point no one else was going to make the healthy and right decision for me, yet it was like I was waiting for someone to, but that was not going to happen.
So I employed the eating out/social peer-pressure tactics that we've all read before:
- I ordered water and drank a full glass before I even began eating my meal.
- I decided once I saw my plate how much I was going to eat of it and as soon as I had eaten that portion I actually gave my plate to the waitress to take away. She looked at it and said, "are you sure you're done?" and I just replied, "yep!"
- There was a plate of fries (my weakness) that was sitting right in front of me that belonged to my friend that she offered to everyone, I didn't even have 1 b/c I knew that it would most likely just cause me to want to have more.
- I concentrated more on engaging in conversation and life with the people I was with then on the food I was eating.
It was a glorious evening and just really proved to me just how much I've actually changed in these last 3 months. I even got to experience someone asking me if I lost weight. What a fabulous feeling that is.
Well, tomorrow is the big day- I find out if I reached my January goal. I want to see 325 on the scale tomorrow so bad I can taste it, but in the end if I don't see the number that I want to tomorrow it will be okay, because I know that I will see it one day.
I'll leave you all with a pic of me after my workout today in the gym- I pushed harder today than I ever have and my face was seriously the color of my shirt at one point! lol 30 minutes on Mr. T at (3.5-3.6 and 30 secs of jogging :), 5 mins on the elliptical (still feel like I only have 1 lung on this thing!) and 15 minutes on the recumbent bike (fyi- I HATE this machine, the upright bike is MUCH more my style!)
Check out the red cheeks! lol
Alright friends, I'll check in with ya tomorrow for my weigh in~ send me good vibes! :)
Word of wisdom- If you've been given the tools to do the right thing and you don't do it, it's your fault. You are stronger than you realize; so once you know what you need to do- JUST DO IT!
I'm on the run but I just wanted to share some things that happened last night that were pretty monumental for me and I think you all might find helpful as well!
So last night I was out with a big group of friends for a community event we were putting on and we all decided to go out to one of our favorite local restaurants afterward called The Library; the food is amazing there and for whatever reason no matter what time of day it is their appetizers are 50% off which used to equal me inhaling fried yumminess like there would be no tomorrow.
So while we are waiting for table to be ready I was trying to plan out what it was I would get to eat when I found myself thinking, "You know what? I have been SO good this week, I haven't "cheated" even once and I deserve to be able to get whatever I want, I mean come on, this food is so cheap and so good; everyone else is going to get what they want!" At that moment I had a choice to make and I had pretty much decided I was going to indulge in whatever I wanted when I had a sudden epiphany- these are the situations and decisions that keep and make people obese.
It's easy to eat healthy when you feel motivated to, or when you're not being tempted, or when you step on the scale and see a number that makes you want to puke; but motivation, the lack of temptation, and self-loathing will only get you so far for so long.
It really is a matter of decision that there is no turning back; I realized at that point no one else was going to make the healthy and right decision for me, yet it was like I was waiting for someone to, but that was not going to happen.
So I employed the eating out/social peer-pressure tactics that we've all read before:
- I ordered water and drank a full glass before I even began eating my meal.
- I decided once I saw my plate how much I was going to eat of it and as soon as I had eaten that portion I actually gave my plate to the waitress to take away. She looked at it and said, "are you sure you're done?" and I just replied, "yep!"
- There was a plate of fries (my weakness) that was sitting right in front of me that belonged to my friend that she offered to everyone, I didn't even have 1 b/c I knew that it would most likely just cause me to want to have more.
- I concentrated more on engaging in conversation and life with the people I was with then on the food I was eating.
It was a glorious evening and just really proved to me just how much I've actually changed in these last 3 months. I even got to experience someone asking me if I lost weight. What a fabulous feeling that is.
Well, tomorrow is the big day- I find out if I reached my January goal. I want to see 325 on the scale tomorrow so bad I can taste it, but in the end if I don't see the number that I want to tomorrow it will be okay, because I know that I will see it one day.
I'll leave you all with a pic of me after my workout today in the gym- I pushed harder today than I ever have and my face was seriously the color of my shirt at one point! lol 30 minutes on Mr. T at (3.5-3.6 and 30 secs of jogging :), 5 mins on the elliptical (still feel like I only have 1 lung on this thing!) and 15 minutes on the recumbent bike (fyi- I HATE this machine, the upright bike is MUCH more my style!)
Check out the red cheeks! lol
Alright friends, I'll check in with ya tomorrow for my weigh in~ send me good vibes! :)
Word of wisdom- If you've been given the tools to do the right thing and you don't do it, it's your fault. You are stronger than you realize; so once you know what you need to do- JUST DO IT!
Friday, 29 January 2010
Day #29: Measurements and More...
Hey Kiddos!
And now I've got some questions for yinz (that's Pittsburgh-ese) for "you all!" :)
So if you have spent any amount of time in blogland you are sure to have heard about GREEN MONSTERS. I'm not completely sold on the idea of spinach making a great tasting smoothie but I'm willing to give it a shot. So I ask, what has your experience been with green monsters? If you are sure that you've created a magic Green Monster recipe- please share!
Alright- on with the measurements!
I really wish that I had taken measurements when I first started (in Nov) but I waited until January- and a month later, here's what happened:
(Bold=Jan, Normal=Feb)
Biceps: 21''/ 20'' (-2'') one on each arm
Forearms: 13''/ 12'' (-2'') one on each arm
Neck: 15''/15'' (no change)
Chest (incl. boobage): 51''/50'' (-1'')
Stomach: 50''/ 49'' (-1'')
Hips: 61''/60'' (-1'')
Thighs: 38''/ 36'' (-4'') Two on each leg
Calves: 22''/21.5'' (-1'') .5 on each leg
So altogether I lost 12 inches in 1 month! Whoo hoo! Well, I'm actually not sure how great/not great that is being that I've never really measured myself before and I didn't really know what to expect, but it's progress so I'll just be happy :)
Last night I hit up the gym again and you'll never guess what I did...jogged! Don't get too excited- it was only twice and for like 30 seconds each time but still, I didn't plan on doing it, I just felt like pushing myself harder so I did! AND- I moved myself up from doing 3.4mph to doing 3.5-3.6! Here's a pic of my sweaty mug!
And now I've got some questions for yinz (that's Pittsburgh-ese) for "you all!" :) Question #1-
I've been noticing that no matter what I do it just seems like my breakfast is not holding me over the way that I woud like it to. I normally munch on one of two things in the morning; I'll either have: egg whites, ff amer. cheese, on a ww eng muffin or I'll do some oatmeal with 1tbl of natural/reduced fat PB. I eat breakfast around 7:15am and I'm hungry again by 10:30- I'll usually just have a snack around then and that's no big deal but I do want to make sure I'm giving my body enough protein in the morning. SOoOo- here's the plan I devised and I want to know your thoughts...
I had never tried a protein bar of any sort until yesterday when I picked this baby up from Trader Joe's yesterday on my lunch break. It was HEAVENLY and w/ 9g of protein, 3g of fiber, and 180 cals I was thinking that it might make a great addition to my morning breakfasts. But obviously this wouldn't be a sufficient breakfast in and of itself so I'm trying to think of what I could pair it with...suggestions? Anyone else a Luna-tic??? BAHAHA- that was funny, right? :)
I had never tried a protein bar of any sort until yesterday when I picked this baby up from Trader Joe's yesterday on my lunch break. It was HEAVENLY and w/ 9g of protein, 3g of fiber, and 180 cals I was thinking that it might make a great addition to my morning breakfasts. But obviously this wouldn't be a sufficient breakfast in and of itself so I'm trying to think of what I could pair it with...suggestions? Anyone else a Luna-tic??? BAHAHA- that was funny, right? :) Question#2:
So if you have spent any amount of time in blogland you are sure to have heard about GREEN MONSTERS. I'm not completely sold on the idea of spinach making a great tasting smoothie but I'm willing to give it a shot. So I ask, what has your experience been with green monsters? If you are sure that you've created a magic Green Monster recipe- please share!Alright, finally I would just like to say freakin excited/humbled I am to have 101 followers! I can say with FULL CONFIDENCE that I know I wouldn't have lasted this long without this blog and all of your support. Unrealistic or not, I truly feel like I have some genuine friendships with some of you and I'm cheering you on all the way! More than once it has been a encouraging comment from one of you that caused me to get off the cough and get moving. In short- YOU ROCK!
Much XOXO!
p.s. Sunday's the big day- I've been working my butt off and eating flawlessly, we'll see if I reach my goal of 325... :)
Thursday, 28 January 2010
Day #28: Can You Picture It?
Hello lovelies-
Can you believe that January is almost over? I can- and I'm glad! As a month comes to an end it pushes me harder toward my goal because I know that I only get 12 months to reach my goal- we're down to 11, are you giving it everything you've got?
No seriously- are you giving it EVERYTHING you've got? At the end of each month that is a question I'm asking myself and as of right now I can say that YES, I am giving this everything I have- I am hell bent on losing 100lbs this year and with 78lbs left, I'm on my way. This is something I am having to continually remind myself because my ego is still a little bruised from the less than stellar weigh in on Sunday- I'm over it- but I could def. used a confidence booster, which I'll hopefully be getting when I take my 1 month measurements tomorrow!
Each month I set new goals for myself that both keep me motivated and challenged; sometimes when we just look long-term we can become discouraged because it often takes a significant amount of time to reach those long-term goals- when we set ones that are attainable in a shorter amount of time it gives us the confidence and sense of accomplishment that we need in order to press forward to achieving our ultimate goals. I'll evaluate how I did on my January goals on Feb. 1st but I wanted to share my goals for February with you all! So without further adieu....
Tiff's February Goals!!!
1. Try 3 NEW Veggies.
I have NEVER been much of a veggie eater; my family pretty much only prepared veggies out of a can and even then never made me eat them so the craziest vegetable I ever had eaten was... corn maybe? I have tried a VERY select few vegetables and actually liked even fewer (in fact, I can't think of too many more that I've tried beyond lettuce, corn, broccoli, and brussel sprouts!) Oh wow- it's worse than I thought! Here are some of the veggies that have never touched my lips and I'm willing to at least give a shot: Squash, spinach, cabbage, green beans, edamame, cauliflower, and peas. Any other suggestions? I'm sure I'll be asking for some yummy recipes for these througout the month!
2. Track/Journal Calories for 1 Month.
Counting/Journaling calories is somewhat new for me; in fact, I've only been doing it for a week! But I've come to really love the feeling of knowing (or remembering) exactly what I ate each day and when I haven't had a good week on the scale I can look back and possibly find a few reasons why. I've been able to successfully track for 1 week (which def is an accomplishment for me), and now I'm moving on to bigger and better things! :) Reward- Subscribe to a health/fitness magazine of my choice.
3. Incorporate 1 serving of Fruit into my Daily Eating.
The truth is that I do like fruits; I just haven't ventured out into trying that many. Before my healthy eating days began if I had a choice to spend $2 on a bag of chips or $4-5 on some strawberries or pineapple I was going to choose the chips any day. Even though I eat pretty healthy now a days, fruit is still lacking from my general diet- it is my goal to have at least one serving of fruit a day.
4. Workout at the Gym 5x's a Week for 1 month.
Although I am loving the gym it will definitely be a huge accomplishment for me to go 5x's a week for a month- that is like a whole new Tiffany. My plan is to do at least 1hour of cardio 3x's a week and 30min's the other 2x's. Reward- New workout outfit (never bought one of these before!)
5. Try out EVERY machine in the Gym.
No, this doesn't have anything to do with getting a well-balanced workout. This has to do with the fact that there are some machines in the gym that I wouldn't even THINK about getting on right now out of fear that someone would think I look stupid or have no business being on it. You see, I am finding it addicting to push myself past my limits and as I've writeen about before, I am no longer going to allow fear to cripple me and stop me from doing things- however, saying that is not enough, I've got to continually push myself to do things that are outside of my comfort zone and that I am well, afraid of. Right now there are 2 machines at the gym that I secretly really want to do but just don't have the courage...but you'll have to wait to find out what they are! By the end of Feb, I want to have gotten over this fear and tried EVERY machine that is available! Reward- Conquering Fear.
6. Walk 2 miles in 30 minutes on Mr. T.
Right now I am consistently walking 1.6 miles in 30 minutes- I will be overjoyed when I can complete 2 miles in 30 minutes. Reward- Proving to myself that I can change and improve.
7. Do the elliptical for 15 minutes.
Right now this is a rather lofty goal for me- but I think that with hard work it is attainable. I know that most people might be able to do 30 min on the elliptical no problem, but for me weighting 330lbs right now , 5 minutes is enough to make me want to pass out on the floor.
8. Weigh no more than 315lbs by February 28th.
It was my goal for January to weigh no more than 325lbs on January 31st, we will see if that happens on Sunday- if I do achieve that goal then my next step for February will be to get to 315lbs. I can't lie- that number freaks me out- but it's time to push it! Reward: A pedicure!
So there they are, my goals for February- truthfully, some of these are things that I never would have even attempted a few months back (especially working out 5x's a week) but I'm going to give it all I've got and fight like hell to achieve them.
I wanted to leave you with a picture that I found on the internet the other day while I was searching around on Womens Health Magazine.com- it was super weird but right when this pic came up I thought- that's exactly how I want to look! I know that may not seem like a weird thought to most b/c we see people every day who we would like to look like but I never actually do that probably b/c I just don't even see it as a possibility- that wasn't the case here. So, even though I feel kind of stupid- this is kind of how I would like to look when I'm at goal (maybe even 10lbs or so heavier)...
Truthfully, I'm not even sure if this is even possible for me, but I'm sure gonna find out!
Peace out girl (and boy) scout! ;)
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Day #27: Tofu and the Treadmill
Howdy partners!
Most of you know that I set new goals every month for myself that encompass fitness, nutrition, weight loss, and a variety of other things (in fact, I'll be setting and posting my new February goals tomorrow!) and one of my goals for January was to cook 3 new healthy and delicious meals. The first meal I made was brussel sprounts (bleh), the second was a tuna salad (yum!) and well I can officially say that my goal was met as I finished off the 3rd healthy dish last night!
If you have spent any time reading through the Hungry Girl Cookbooks or website you will notice that she uses a pasta substitute in a lot of her recipes called Tofu Shirataki. Honestly, neither of those words sounds appetizing to me but I promised myself that if I was ever able to find any that I would at least give it a try because it is ridiculously low cal/carb/fat! Well, wouldn't you know that yesterday as I was perusing the organic section of Giant Eagle...
Most of you know that I set new goals every month for myself that encompass fitness, nutrition, weight loss, and a variety of other things (in fact, I'll be setting and posting my new February goals tomorrow!) and one of my goals for January was to cook 3 new healthy and delicious meals. The first meal I made was brussel sprounts (bleh), the second was a tuna salad (yum!) and well I can officially say that my goal was met as I finished off the 3rd healthy dish last night!
If you have spent any time reading through the Hungry Girl Cookbooks or website you will notice that she uses a pasta substitute in a lot of her recipes called Tofu Shirataki. Honestly, neither of those words sounds appetizing to me but I promised myself that if I was ever able to find any that I would at least give it a try because it is ridiculously low cal/carb/fat! Well, wouldn't you know that yesterday as I was perusing the organic section of Giant Eagle...
Now I've gotta say that I was a little weary about trying this- I have never had tofu anything before and it comes served in bags of water...BUT I remembered that I needed to make one more healthy meal to meet my goal and it was only like $2 so I figured, why not? (p.s. you can eat this whole bag of "pasta" for only 40 cals!)
I decided to go with the most famous Hungry Girl Tofu Shirataki recipe- the Fettuccinie Hungry Girlfredo (aka- HG's version of fettuccinne alfredo). Her version of the alfredo sauce calls for: 1 Teaspoon ff sour cream, 2 tbls light cream cheese, 2 tbls rf parmesan and that's it! Easy enough- it took about ten minutes and VIOLA!
Looks just like Fettuccinne Alfredo! Too bad it tasted like a morph between rubber bands and worms! Truthfully the taste wasn't all that bad- her verison of the alfredo sauce is comparable and the noodles don't have a bad taste themselves, but the texture is just unforgiveable-truly it was like biting into a water-filled rubber band. I probably took about 6 bites trying to convince myself each time that chewing it wouldn't be so horrible with the next bite but sad to say the Tofu Shirataki ended up in my garbage can! Before I tossed it I did let me roomates try it and their verdict was the same- the texture was just not doable. Oh well, at least I can say that I tried it- this is definitely not something I would have EVER done prior to November!
Needless to say, here was dinner # 2:
Have any of you ever tried Tofu Shirataki? Did you like it or did you find the texture to be a problem as well?
In other news- I hit the gym again last night for a 30 minute walk on Mr. T (aka-the treadmill) it was short but sweet :) Right now I'm planning on going to the gym for cardio 5x's a week and having at least 3 of those cardio sessions be an hour and the other 2 can be 30 minutes- a lot of it depends on what machines are open (which stinks) but you gotta work with what'cha got, right?
p.s. Gotta quick question in regards to my walking on the treadmill- During the 30min's that I am on it I will start out at a 3.1 (for 5min) then go up to 3.3 for (10 min) then 3.4 (10 min) 3.5 (3 min) and back down to 3.0 (2 min cool down). When I look and see at what speed other people are doing on the treadmill it is usually 3.5-3.7mph but at this point I don't know that I can physically walk any faster than 3.4mph for an extended amount of time. Is 3.4/3.5 a decent pace for the next month or so or should I try and push it (not sure I can though!)? Thoughts por favor!
Make it a great day!
p.s.s.- The red team wife is a total fake- she could at least try and act suprised that all of her weight *magically* came off this week. Just sayin' :)
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Day #26: Failure is Not an Option.
I am SO glad that I gained those 4lbs.
Why? Because now I know that I can lose 100.
Prior to my weigh in on Sunday I was pretty confident that I would be able to achieve my goal of losing 100lbs in a year b/c nothing had really happened that was proving me otherwise- I was consistently losing weight, and to tell you the truth, without much effort. But here's why now I KNOW that I can and WILL achieve this goal: Because I no longer have to be afraid that failure will EVER become permanent with me.
Melissa, a new bloggy friend, left me a comment on my post yesterday and shared something that she had written after the scale didn't reflect the work that she had been putting in and mentioned something that got me thinking- one of the top reasons that people give up on this journey is because of this very thing, they work hard for a few weeks, don't see the results that they want, they become discouraged, so they just quit and find themselves in the same spot the following year wanting to lose weight again. THAT WILL NOT BE ME.
I don't even know if I let on through my post yesterday just how upset and discouraged I was about the gain- it actually suprised me how down I got and then I gave myself a good slap in the face and realized that I had 2 options: 1) I could either continue to be upset about how unfair I felt this was, believe the lie that I won't be able to lose weight, which would eventually lead to me just giving up and remaining obese, or 2) I could get over it, get my frustrations out at the gym, move forward and end this year 100lbs lighter.
Needless to say...
I killed it at the gym!
I was only planning on doing 30 minutes of cardio but I honestly just can't get enough of the feeling that I get when I'm working out- it's like...adrenaline or something! Who would have ever thought that I would find exercise as a stress reliever? lol Last night I did 30 minutes on the treadmill (1.5 miles), 30 minutes on the upright bike (7 miles), and 100 curls (I think that's what their called!)
I swear, as I was walking on the treadmill I was almost OVERJOYED at the relief that I felt at realizing that I'm not doomed to be obese as the voice in my head was assuring me I was going to be yesterday. And now, I know that everything isn't going to just fall apart if I don't lose every week, that I'm strong enough to survive the tough times that are sure to come during this journey. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is going to stop me from achieving this goal; especially not a stupid scale!
Ahhh, glad that's over :)
Now I want to leave you with a picture of my dinner from last night:
I made this pizza with: 90 cal flat bread, lean ground beef, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, garlic, and light provolone. Yummmmmmmmmmmy.
Alright bloggies, if you are feeling discouraged about the slowness of your progress or a disappointing weigh-in, just remember: If you give up right now you WILL SURELY fail, but if get up, learn from it, and move forward you will SURELY SUCCEED. It's YOUR choice.
Peace and Love!
Why? Because now I know that I can lose 100.
Prior to my weigh in on Sunday I was pretty confident that I would be able to achieve my goal of losing 100lbs in a year b/c nothing had really happened that was proving me otherwise- I was consistently losing weight, and to tell you the truth, without much effort. But here's why now I KNOW that I can and WILL achieve this goal: Because I no longer have to be afraid that failure will EVER become permanent with me.
Melissa, a new bloggy friend, left me a comment on my post yesterday and shared something that she had written after the scale didn't reflect the work that she had been putting in and mentioned something that got me thinking- one of the top reasons that people give up on this journey is because of this very thing, they work hard for a few weeks, don't see the results that they want, they become discouraged, so they just quit and find themselves in the same spot the following year wanting to lose weight again. THAT WILL NOT BE ME.
I don't even know if I let on through my post yesterday just how upset and discouraged I was about the gain- it actually suprised me how down I got and then I gave myself a good slap in the face and realized that I had 2 options: 1) I could either continue to be upset about how unfair I felt this was, believe the lie that I won't be able to lose weight, which would eventually lead to me just giving up and remaining obese, or 2) I could get over it, get my frustrations out at the gym, move forward and end this year 100lbs lighter.
Needless to say...
I killed it at the gym!I was only planning on doing 30 minutes of cardio but I honestly just can't get enough of the feeling that I get when I'm working out- it's like...adrenaline or something! Who would have ever thought that I would find exercise as a stress reliever? lol Last night I did 30 minutes on the treadmill (1.5 miles), 30 minutes on the upright bike (7 miles), and 100 curls (I think that's what their called!)
I swear, as I was walking on the treadmill I was almost OVERJOYED at the relief that I felt at realizing that I'm not doomed to be obese as the voice in my head was assuring me I was going to be yesterday. And now, I know that everything isn't going to just fall apart if I don't lose every week, that I'm strong enough to survive the tough times that are sure to come during this journey. NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is going to stop me from achieving this goal; especially not a stupid scale!
Ahhh, glad that's over :)
Now I want to leave you with a picture of my dinner from last night:
I made this pizza with: 90 cal flat bread, lean ground beef, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, garlic, and light provolone. Yummmmmmmmmmmy.Alright bloggies, if you are feeling discouraged about the slowness of your progress or a disappointing weigh-in, just remember: If you give up right now you WILL SURELY fail, but if get up, learn from it, and move forward you will SURELY SUCCEED. It's YOUR choice.
Peace and Love!
Monday, 25 January 2010
Day #25: Keep on Keepin' on!
Today I'm feeling like I need a swift kick in the butt...or a hug.
I'm just going to be honest and say that this is the thought that keeps playing in my mind over and over again..."You are never going to be successful at losing 100lbs or any more weight than you've already lost- think about it- you worked your butt off at the gym on Saturday- ate very well- and somehow managed to gain 4lbs. You lost more weight when you didn't excercise, maybe you should stop that- either way, this weight isn't going anywhere- you're done."
Am I listening to that voice? NO.
Is there a part of me that FEELS like it's true? Yes.
But feelings are not reality- at least not these ones- it is only common practical sense that excercise will not make you GAIN weight (outside of the slight gain that comes from adding muscle.)
At this point the only thing I can do is look back at my week last week and reevaluate to see if there is anything that I could have done better and there are a few facts that I need to face:
1) While I did get a killer workout in on Saturday, I only excercised 1 time last week (yes, this was due to my chest cold- and I wouldn't/couldn't have changed my choice not to excercise M-F, but it does still help in explaining why I didn't lose).
2) I was coming off a week-long fast where theoretically my body was exiting starvation mode and most likely storing what it could.
3) I did go a little crazy at a mexican restaurant on Friday night. (By crazy, I mean that I had chips-n-salsa w/my meal).
Other than that, I don't really have any other guesses or choices that I wish I could "do over;" and I guess that's a good thing. I just need to let this roll right off my back and keep on keeping on- doing what I know deep down really works: eating healthy and excercising.
Sorry this is a deviation from my "normal" self but I just needed to get that off my chest and share it with people who I know understand the feeling of disappointment that comes with a gain, as well as the fear that you body may not cooperate with what you are trying to do.
Ahhh ok- I know that hanging on to that fear can ONLY hurt me so I'm letting it go and moving forward.
Thanks for listening/reading- it feels great to be able to share my doubts/ fears with you all!
p.s. The last week of the month is officially my favorite because I get to see if I completed my goals for the month, make new goals for the next month, and take my measurements! All stuff you can be looking forward to at the end of the week :)
I leave you all with some pics from this weekend! As I mentioned earlier, this past Sunday was our church's first service and it was a blast for sure- such great people.
I'm just going to be honest and say that this is the thought that keeps playing in my mind over and over again..."You are never going to be successful at losing 100lbs or any more weight than you've already lost- think about it- you worked your butt off at the gym on Saturday- ate very well- and somehow managed to gain 4lbs. You lost more weight when you didn't excercise, maybe you should stop that- either way, this weight isn't going anywhere- you're done."
Am I listening to that voice? NO.
But feelings are not reality- at least not these ones- it is only common practical sense that excercise will not make you GAIN weight (outside of the slight gain that comes from adding muscle.)
At this point the only thing I can do is look back at my week last week and reevaluate to see if there is anything that I could have done better and there are a few facts that I need to face:
1) While I did get a killer workout in on Saturday, I only excercised 1 time last week (yes, this was due to my chest cold- and I wouldn't/couldn't have changed my choice not to excercise M-F, but it does still help in explaining why I didn't lose).
2) I was coming off a week-long fast where theoretically my body was exiting starvation mode and most likely storing what it could.
3) I did go a little crazy at a mexican restaurant on Friday night. (By crazy, I mean that I had chips-n-salsa w/my meal).
Other than that, I don't really have any other guesses or choices that I wish I could "do over;" and I guess that's a good thing. I just need to let this roll right off my back and keep on keeping on- doing what I know deep down really works: eating healthy and excercising.
Sorry this is a deviation from my "normal" self but I just needed to get that off my chest and share it with people who I know understand the feeling of disappointment that comes with a gain, as well as the fear that you body may not cooperate with what you are trying to do.
Ahhh ok- I know that hanging on to that fear can ONLY hurt me so I'm letting it go and moving forward.
You will all be happy to know, I'm sure, that I'll be visiting the gym this afternoon after work (my goal is to go 5 times a week) and I'll probably keep it relatively light being as I am still rather sore from my crazy workout on Sat (I believe I was a little over-ambitious! lol) so I'm planning on just doing some easy cardio but for at least 45 minutes. I'm also going to be holding off on any weight lifting this week and sticking with the cardio.
Thanks for listening/reading- it feels great to be able to share my doubts/ fears with you all!
p.s. The last week of the month is officially my favorite because I get to see if I completed my goals for the month, make new goals for the next month, and take my measurements! All stuff you can be looking forward to at the end of the week :)
I leave you all with some pics from this weekend! As I mentioned earlier, this past Sunday was our church's first service and it was a blast for sure- such great people.
I'm on the left w/ my hand in the air :)
A good friend (Lori) and I after the service!
Peace and Love bloggies- you are invaluable!
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Day #24: Weigh-In and Experiment Results
Hey bloggy-loves!
Alright so trek with me here...
Weight before fasting: 333lbs
Weight after fasting for 7 days: 326lbs
Weigh in this week: 330lbs.
So technically I gained 4lbs from last week but I guess being that my body was recovering from starvation mode and holding onto as much food as possible, I should look at it from the positive side which is that I'm down 3lbs from my pre-fasting weight. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't just a little disappointed- but you know what, it's all good. I'm not measuring my success on this journey by dropping big numbers each week but by the fact that I won't give up until I've reached my goal and I'm just expecting to drop a significant amount at my next weigh in!
I also wanted to give you a quick update on my calorie/POINT counting expierement; I can't lie- I find it MUCH easier than counting calories than counting POINTS; this is probably because the calories are already listed and you don't have to worry about if a restaurant doesn't list the other nutritional facts that are needed to determine the PTS of a meal or even calculating anything- just find the info and you're done!
I've also gotta say that I'm EXTREMELY glad that I took all of your wonderful advice in keeping a food journal- it is really helping me stay more aware of what I'm eating and I just like the feeling of saying exactly how many calories I am taking in every day.
And of course it helps that my journal is super cute! Take a look for yourself :)
Alright so I'm keeping it short tonight- I'm looking forward to a great week of working out, eating well, and hopefully achieving my January goal of weighing in at no more than 325 by Sunday (that means it's my goal to lose 5lbs this week- I'm confident that I can do it!)
Moving forward!
Alright so trek with me here...
Weight before fasting: 333lbs
Weight after fasting for 7 days: 326lbs
Weigh in this week: 330lbs.
So technically I gained 4lbs from last week but I guess being that my body was recovering from starvation mode and holding onto as much food as possible, I should look at it from the positive side which is that I'm down 3lbs from my pre-fasting weight. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't just a little disappointed- but you know what, it's all good. I'm not measuring my success on this journey by dropping big numbers each week but by the fact that I won't give up until I've reached my goal and I'm just expecting to drop a significant amount at my next weigh in!
I also wanted to give you a quick update on my calorie/POINT counting expierement; I can't lie- I find it MUCH easier than counting calories than counting POINTS; this is probably because the calories are already listed and you don't have to worry about if a restaurant doesn't list the other nutritional facts that are needed to determine the PTS of a meal or even calculating anything- just find the info and you're done!
I've also gotta say that I'm EXTREMELY glad that I took all of your wonderful advice in keeping a food journal- it is really helping me stay more aware of what I'm eating and I just like the feeling of saying exactly how many calories I am taking in every day.
And of course it helps that my journal is super cute! Take a look for yourself :)
Alright so I'm keeping it short tonight- I'm looking forward to a great week of working out, eating well, and hopefully achieving my January goal of weighing in at no more than 325 by Sunday (that means it's my goal to lose 5lbs this week- I'm confident that I can do it!)
Moving forward!
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Day #23: My 1st Day at the Gym!
Hello lovelies!
Sorry for the late post but you know how the weekends are! I've had an EXTREMELY productive day and I'm going to bed feeling satisfied with my day; mainly because...
I WENT TO THE GYM TODAY! :)
This pretty much explains how I was feeling right before heading to the gym:
If you can't tell, that's my anxious/I'm feelin' like I might need to blow chunks face!
But you know what I did- I reread my post from yesterday, as well as all of your thoughtful comments, got my butt in the car and walked into the gym with my head held high and smile on my face!
And get this- I worked out for 1 1/2 hours! I did 30mins on the treadmill (1.5 miles), 30 minutes on the upright bike (6 miles), 5 minutes on the elliptical (haha), weight lifting, and 50 leg presses. I know that may not be super impressive- but I've gotta remember that I'm just STARTING and I've gotta say... I LOVE working out and I LOVE my gym! Not sure if it is because the gym is in a community center but there is such a wide variety of people there and it's super clean and organized (lol)!
I actually think it was much better for my personal journey that I haven't really worked out in the past 2 months while I was getting started so that I could not only learn what it meant to eat healthily and get that under control, but it also gave me time to really sort through things in my mind and set some goals. There were a few times (mostly on the treadmill) that I caught myself wanting to cut the time short or just feeling sluggish and I would think back to some of the posts that I've both read of yours and written of my own and it put a fire under my butt and I pressed harder! And as if I needed anymore motivation, while I was on the upright bike, in walked this old man that seriously had to be AT LEAST 80 years old and he sat down next to me and started peddling away! Not only was he seriously very old but when he was walking he couldn't even stand up straight! It was all I could do to hold back the tears as I thought to myself, "If he belongs here, then I BELONG here; if he hasn't given up, then I can't give up." What an inspiration that man is!
And by the end of the workout I had worked up quite a sweat... check it out (warning- the gym made me a bit fugly!) :)
Ahhh so I guess today was pretty monumental and it's definitely one that I'll be looking back on with pride :) Thx again lovelies for your encouragement- it definitely helped today!
Ya'll know what tomorrow is- weigh in day... I'm hoping that I will be at my post-fast weight 326... I guess we'll see tomorrow! :)
Peace and Love!
Sorry for the late post but you know how the weekends are! I've had an EXTREMELY productive day and I'm going to bed feeling satisfied with my day; mainly because...
I WENT TO THE GYM TODAY! :)
This pretty much explains how I was feeling right before heading to the gym:
If you can't tell, that's my anxious/I'm feelin' like I might need to blow chunks face!But you know what I did- I reread my post from yesterday, as well as all of your thoughtful comments, got my butt in the car and walked into the gym with my head held high and smile on my face!
And get this- I worked out for 1 1/2 hours! I did 30mins on the treadmill (1.5 miles), 30 minutes on the upright bike (6 miles), 5 minutes on the elliptical (haha), weight lifting, and 50 leg presses. I know that may not be super impressive- but I've gotta remember that I'm just STARTING and I've gotta say... I LOVE working out and I LOVE my gym! Not sure if it is because the gym is in a community center but there is such a wide variety of people there and it's super clean and organized (lol)!
I actually think it was much better for my personal journey that I haven't really worked out in the past 2 months while I was getting started so that I could not only learn what it meant to eat healthily and get that under control, but it also gave me time to really sort through things in my mind and set some goals. There were a few times (mostly on the treadmill) that I caught myself wanting to cut the time short or just feeling sluggish and I would think back to some of the posts that I've both read of yours and written of my own and it put a fire under my butt and I pressed harder! And as if I needed anymore motivation, while I was on the upright bike, in walked this old man that seriously had to be AT LEAST 80 years old and he sat down next to me and started peddling away! Not only was he seriously very old but when he was walking he couldn't even stand up straight! It was all I could do to hold back the tears as I thought to myself, "If he belongs here, then I BELONG here; if he hasn't given up, then I can't give up." What an inspiration that man is!
And by the end of the workout I had worked up quite a sweat... check it out (warning- the gym made me a bit fugly!) :)
Ahhh so I guess today was pretty monumental and it's definitely one that I'll be looking back on with pride :) Thx again lovelies for your encouragement- it definitely helped today!Ya'll know what tomorrow is- weigh in day... I'm hoping that I will be at my post-fast weight 326... I guess we'll see tomorrow! :)
Peace and Love!
Friday, 22 January 2010
Day #22: NO.MORE.FEAR.
The other day while driving to work I was listening to a morning show on a local radio station and the question was asked: "What would you attempt if you were not afraid?"
My answer to this question immediately popped into my head: I would work out at the gym like a beast.
I'm not afraid of much in life. I've moved cross-country by myself twice without knowing a single soul where I was going. I have no problem going into the most ghetto of places by myself at night. I'll talk to just about anyone-I have no problem with public speaking- in fact these patterns have been something my friends are constantly getting a kick out of. So needless to say when my answer to that question came not only so quickly but was about something that most consider quite trivial- I was not only shocked but sad.
I've never really consiously thought about it, but I am definitely anxious about going to the gym. In fact, I was pretty much planning on never setting foot into one throughout this journey until I only had about 40lbs left to lose- I was just going to walk/jog at the park nearby and use workout DVD's. However, that plan hasn't really been working for me because since it's so cold out I've been doing the indoor walking DVD's (Leslie Sansone) but I usually have to wait till everyone else in my house goes to bed (which can be very late) b/c I don't feel like looking like a dork sitting their jogging in place in front of the tv and then to top it all off, my roomate took her DVD player upstairs into her room...blah, blah, blah.
But CLEARLY my answer to the question about what I would do if I wasn't afraid proves that I really do want to work out in the gym- well HELLO- of course I do! So why haven't I? Because I've been afriad- completely subconsciouly I might add.
These are the thoughts that go through my mind when I think about going to the gym:
- Everyone is going to think, "What is that big girl doing here? Why is she even bothering?"
- I'm going to look stupid not knowing how to use any of the machines.
- The gym is only for fit people.
- I'm probably going to be the biggest person there.
- What if there is some really good looking people there, they are going to be judging me.
- This is going to suck and just be all around horrible.
Every.single.one. of those thoughts are based off of one thing: FEAR. And I RE-freaking-FUSE to allow myself to remain morbidly obese because of SELF-INDUCED fear! Especially because I have NO way of basing any of those thoughts in reality.
I'm going to kick fear (and fat) square in the face. Want proof?
My answer to this question immediately popped into my head: I would work out at the gym like a beast.
I'm not afraid of much in life. I've moved cross-country by myself twice without knowing a single soul where I was going. I have no problem going into the most ghetto of places by myself at night. I'll talk to just about anyone-I have no problem with public speaking- in fact these patterns have been something my friends are constantly getting a kick out of. So needless to say when my answer to that question came not only so quickly but was about something that most consider quite trivial- I was not only shocked but sad.
I've never really consiously thought about it, but I am definitely anxious about going to the gym. In fact, I was pretty much planning on never setting foot into one throughout this journey until I only had about 40lbs left to lose- I was just going to walk/jog at the park nearby and use workout DVD's. However, that plan hasn't really been working for me because since it's so cold out I've been doing the indoor walking DVD's (Leslie Sansone) but I usually have to wait till everyone else in my house goes to bed (which can be very late) b/c I don't feel like looking like a dork sitting their jogging in place in front of the tv and then to top it all off, my roomate took her DVD player upstairs into her room...blah, blah, blah.
But CLEARLY my answer to the question about what I would do if I wasn't afraid proves that I really do want to work out in the gym- well HELLO- of course I do! So why haven't I? Because I've been afriad- completely subconsciouly I might add.
These are the thoughts that go through my mind when I think about going to the gym:
- Everyone is going to think, "What is that big girl doing here? Why is she even bothering?"
- I'm going to look stupid not knowing how to use any of the machines.
- The gym is only for fit people.
- I'm probably going to be the biggest person there.
- What if there is some really good looking people there, they are going to be judging me.
- This is going to suck and just be all around horrible.
Every.single.one. of those thoughts are based off of one thing: FEAR. And I RE-freaking-FUSE to allow myself to remain morbidly obese because of SELF-INDUCED fear! Especially because I have NO way of basing any of those thoughts in reality.
I'm going to kick fear (and fat) square in the face. Want proof?
Check. it.
That there my amazing friends is a GYM MEMBERSHIP. And who's name is on it? MINE. Yep- me, all 327lbs of me, and I deserve to be there just as much as anyone else.
I have no doubt that God is guiding me along this journey; seriously- there have just been far too many coincidences that have been HUGE aids for me in already losing 25lbs. For example, besides the fact that I was allowing fear to control me, I didn't think getting a gym membership was even going to be possible because I really don't have the money to spare. WELLLLL, guess how much this YEAR long gym membership cost me....c'mon guess :)
56 freakin dollars. For a YEAR! And no joke, the gym is at most 3 minutes away from my house! It is in a community center and since I am a resident of the township that the community center is in it is just super cheap and it is also super nice (pics to come!) Now THAT is divine right there.
But signing up for the gym is a great step (forward I might add! :) but the real victory will be going.
Here is a list of thoughts that I am going to replace those others with and focus on and read when I don't want to go to the gym:
- If I don't go right now it will be because of fear. Fear is just an illusion, it is not reality or concrete. Refuse to allow fear to cripple me or keep me obese.
- I am just at the starting point; it is okay if I don't rock at everything.
- I should not be anymore embarassed for fit people to see me working out at the gym than I am for them to see me eating unhealthy food at a restaurant; if anything they are probably judging me less- at least I'm changing! I am not doing this for them, I'm doing it for me and my future family. P.S.- I'm not staying fat for a fit stranger!
- People aren't there waiting to scope out and judge overweight people who come to the gym, they are there to work out.
-Kassey could only do the elliptical for 5 minutes when she first started, and look at her now- a year later she is teaching spin classes (and lost 160 lbs!)
- I am the ONLY one who is going to push myself to do this- no point in waiting for anyone else!
- The people on The Biggest Loser are bigger than me (well, some of them! lol) and they are pouring sweat- I can do this! I will push myself to my limits and do things I never thought possible!
- If I only want to have to do this (lose all of the weight I need to) for a year (year and half tops) then I've got to give it my ALL NOW! No time to play around.
- And when I am feeling discouaraged for not being able to go as long or as hard on a machine as I'd like, I will remind myself that it is more than I was able to do the day before.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings friends, you truly have NO idea how much it means to me that I have wonderful people like you cheering me on and that I'm not alone in this- you are all truly invaluable.
So, I gotta question for you: WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING RIGHT NOW IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID?
Weekend Plans: Fri: Going out to dinner with our church launch team and then having a game night at my house (ya'll KNOW I love me some games!) Sat: Gym! errands, and slumber party. Sun: Our very first church service (woot woot!) and grocery shoppin' :)
Peace and Love!
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Day #21: The Straw(s) that Broke the Camel's Back...
As I've shared before, I've been overweight literally since I was like 9 years old and so you might be asking yourself, "Why has this girl waited until it got this bad until she did anything about her weight?"
A few weeks before I made this lifestyle change a thought came to me that I'm pretty sure had one of the biggest impacts on me in regards to my weight than any before it. I have been blessed to have a lot of absolutely amazing friends and being that we are all in our early to mid 20's, many of them are getting married. No- don't worry, this isn't going to be one of those whiny "I wish I had a husband posts;" I am truly one of the most content (for now) single people that you will ever meet- my philosophy is: when it happens it happens, no point in not enjoying my life now! However, while I'm not planning on getting married any time soon, many of my best friends are- which is absolutely fabulous and super fun! However, one night after my best friend in the entire world called me and was telling me all about a date that she had just gone on I began thinking about what if she married this guy, which got me thinking about weddings, which got me thinking about being a bridesmaid. And no joke- I was truly panic stricken at the thought of not just being the fat bridesmaid- b/c I really just don't care about that. But I was so upset about the thought of my friends having to change their bridesmaid dresses from ones that they really want just so that I won't look horrible, or ruining the wedding pics, or worst of all my friends not wanting me in their weddding because I would completely throw everything off. Now I know that my best friends would never do that, but I just became so sad even having to think that I would put a damper on anything. I don't want to lose out on any life experiences or opportunities because of my weight and especially not ones like that. BTW- this is me and my bestie-Erin :)
Straw #3:
I've heard people say a few times in blogland that the thing that caused them to change was seeing a picture of themselves in which they looked unhappy and perhaps much bigger than they thought they were. This had never really happened to me before because for hte most part I only took pictures of my face. But I to tell you the truth I never even knew that I was only taking face pictures until I tried to look for some full body ones last week! Well, I can now join the club of people that say that a picture helped push them over the edge; here's how it went down: I've mentioned before that I am on staff at a new church here in Pittsburgh, well at the end of October our staff met down at this sweet location to take staff pictures for our new website. My friend Adam was taking the pictures and periodically during each of our "photo shoots," he would let us take a sneak peek at the pics to make sure we liked our standing positions, lighting, etc. I swear to you when I looked at the images on the camera I almost didn't believe it was me. I mean, it kind of looked like me but add on like 75lbs! My opinion didn't change once he sent me the final pic via email- I simply couldn't believe what I was seeing.
The answer: It never bothered me until about a year ago.
Today I want to share the 3 instances that were the final push that caused me to start this new way of life- they were in a sense- the straw(s) that broke the camel's back:
Straw #1:
Because I am young (23) and have been pretty flexible most of my life I really haven't suffered too many physical constraints that have been brought on by my weight. However, in the last year I had begun to notice more and more things that were becoming increasingly difficult to do: paint my toe nails, fit into certain chairs, get health insurance, fit into movie theatre seats, etc. I remember that one instance in particular that served as a huge wake up call and happened just a few days before I began this journey. I was having difficulty tying my own freaking shoes. Seriously? I'm 23 years old- why am I getting out of breath and finding myself not being able to cross my legs while sitting down for a few seconds so that I can tie my shoes? This was one of the first moments that I actually felt scared about how big I had gotten. 
This is roughly what I was looking at...or maybe just an excuse to show you all my cool tattoo :)
This is roughly what I was looking at...or maybe just an excuse to show you all my cool tattoo :) Straw #2:
A few weeks before I made this lifestyle change a thought came to me that I'm pretty sure had one of the biggest impacts on me in regards to my weight than any before it. I have been blessed to have a lot of absolutely amazing friends and being that we are all in our early to mid 20's, many of them are getting married. No- don't worry, this isn't going to be one of those whiny "I wish I had a husband posts;" I am truly one of the most content (for now) single people that you will ever meet- my philosophy is: when it happens it happens, no point in not enjoying my life now! However, while I'm not planning on getting married any time soon, many of my best friends are- which is absolutely fabulous and super fun! However, one night after my best friend in the entire world called me and was telling me all about a date that she had just gone on I began thinking about what if she married this guy, which got me thinking about weddings, which got me thinking about being a bridesmaid. And no joke- I was truly panic stricken at the thought of not just being the fat bridesmaid- b/c I really just don't care about that. But I was so upset about the thought of my friends having to change their bridesmaid dresses from ones that they really want just so that I won't look horrible, or ruining the wedding pics, or worst of all my friends not wanting me in their weddding because I would completely throw everything off. Now I know that my best friends would never do that, but I just became so sad even having to think that I would put a damper on anything. I don't want to lose out on any life experiences or opportunities because of my weight and especially not ones like that. BTW- this is me and my bestie-Erin :)Straw #3:
I've heard people say a few times in blogland that the thing that caused them to change was seeing a picture of themselves in which they looked unhappy and perhaps much bigger than they thought they were. This had never really happened to me before because for hte most part I only took pictures of my face. But I to tell you the truth I never even knew that I was only taking face pictures until I tried to look for some full body ones last week! Well, I can now join the club of people that say that a picture helped push them over the edge; here's how it went down: I've mentioned before that I am on staff at a new church here in Pittsburgh, well at the end of October our staff met down at this sweet location to take staff pictures for our new website. My friend Adam was taking the pictures and periodically during each of our "photo shoots," he would let us take a sneak peek at the pics to make sure we liked our standing positions, lighting, etc. I swear to you when I looked at the images on the camera I almost didn't believe it was me. I mean, it kind of looked like me but add on like 75lbs! My opinion didn't change once he sent me the final pic via email- I simply couldn't believe what I was seeing.
This was the best one out of the bunch. Not to be rude but I usually don't get when people hate pics of themselves and refuse to let others see them- I usually just think "It's not like people don't know what you look like in real life and see you all the time, who cares, it's just a picture." So that's not why I hate this picture so much- it's because it made me realize what a prisoner I had become. This was a major wake up call and a few days after seeing it was when I decided that I didn't want to go any farther in my adult life looking like this.
Ah...so there you have it, the 3 things that pushed me over the edge and were the "straws that broke the camel's back." And as much sorrow as I felt even now just writing about these things that I wish I had never had to write about, I will forever look back on these painful moments not with regret or shame but pride. Right now I am 25lbs lighter than I was when ANY of these things happened- I am changing and if these are the things that needed to happen to push me to get where I am now and where I am going- then I'm even grateful they happened.
What about you all? Was there 1 moment that caused you to change or was it more of a progression?
p.s. Tomorrow I'm going to be writing about something pretty monumental for me... can't wait! :)
Alright- let today be one that is full of steps FORWARD!
Day #20: Which Way You Goin'?
Why, hello all my NEW and *OLD* friends!!
When I chose to have 2 small chocolate covered pretzels yesterday that were brought in by a co-worker, clearly that is not a decision that will cause me to gain back all of the weight I lost, but it is CERTAINLY not a step forward! When I chose to forgo getting cheese on my sandwhich at Subway yesterday that is obviously not a decision that will cause me to lose 5lbs- but it is most definitely a step FORWARD!
Peace Out Lovelies!
Today I'd like to talk about my reflection on your comments from yesterday and about what brought me to the decision I've made.
When we look back on the last 5, 10, or however many years we have been overweight- we won't be able to pin-point one meal or one holiday season that you gained the 50-100lbs that you are currently overweight by- at least I can't. It wasn't just 1 really bad decision that you made that caused you to become obese, no- it was about 10,000 decisions, at least. It was a progression (most of the time over a long period of months and years) of making decisions that were not healthy that lead to your physical demise.
You see, there have been multiple times in the last few months where I have felt frusterated b/c it seemed as though I was missing some "secret ingredient" that would allow me to lose all of this weight in the short amount of time that I wanted to. I kept thinking, "maybe it's a low carb diet, spin class, becoming a vegetarian, etc." that will do the trick. It felt like surely there had to be a better way to do this than losing an average of 2lbs a week for the rest of the year- like I was yearning for something drastic.
And then I got it: these extra 160lbs or so that I was carrying around were not a result of one bad decision and didn't get put on in the matter of a few months; no- it was a long series of seemingly SMALL and INSIGNIFICANT decisions over a long period of time that got me to where I am. I remember days where I would just lay around all day and eat crap and think, "It's okay that I do this for one day, it's not like I'm going to always do this- it's one day- no big deal." How severly stupid I was being!
I now believe that EVERY decision we make in life is a step in a certain direction- and it is no different in regards to health. We have all set goals that we want to achieve, some long-term and some short-term, they are the "destinations" that we want to reach- well, EVERY DECISION we make is a step either TOWARD that destination or AWAY from it- every.single.one!
When I chose to have 2 small chocolate covered pretzels yesterday that were brought in by a co-worker, clearly that is not a decision that will cause me to gain back all of the weight I lost, but it is CERTAINLY not a step forward! When I chose to forgo getting cheese on my sandwhich at Subway yesterday that is obviously not a decision that will cause me to lose 5lbs- but it is most definitely a step FORWARD!We all know that only insane people think that they can continue to make the same decisions over and over again and get a different result than what they have always gotten and I know that I'm getting a little fired up about this but it is because I'm sick of being obese and sick of making stupid mistakes that I constantly convince myself are "not a big deal." Well, "not a big deal" mistakes are what got me in this boat to begin with!
I challenge you today, just as I am challenging myself, to realize that the thousands of decisions you make each day constitue a step either toward your goal or away from it- no matter how small and insignificant they may seem. When you choose to not have that cookie that is calling your name from the kitchen counter, you are taking a step forward. When you chose to not take the walk that you know you should be taking, you are taking a step backward- and add a few of those backward steps up and you'll be right back where you started! Recognizing this will not only help you to not find yourself gaining 10lbs "accidentally," but it will also help you to give yourself credit for each "small" step that you take forward.
Now you all know that I don't advocate never being able to have some of your old favorite foods b/c I know that if I told myself that I could never have any of that ever again I might as well quit now b/c I'm not going to live my life being restricted like that, but I will make sure through portion control and adjusting what else I eat that day that I'm not allowing a craving or lack of planning and self-control to cause me to take even one single step away from my goal!
Needless to say, I will be keeping a food journal. After I read all of your amazing comments and reflected on what some of the possible outcomes could be from the decision I decided that not journaling could be a POTENTIAL step backwards- I'm not saying that I would definitely be- but there is room for that to happen. Whether I want to admit it or not, journaling my food intake will cause me to be more aware of what I am eating and I truly see it as a DEFINITE step in the right direction- which is towards my goal! Today at lunch I'll be heading out to buy a cute and easily portable journal that will become my constant companion :) Like I said, it's not that I think not tracking would be a bad decision, but I want to make the BEST decision. As far as whether I will count calories or pts...I'm going to be experimenting with that a little. For the rest of this week I will be giving counting calories a try and just see how it goes- I'll let you know!
p.s. you guys rock at giving advice :)
Some Random Updates:
- I had every intention on trying out that Jazzercise class last night but I came down with some sort of "bronchitis-ish" deal on Sunday and I'm still trying to kick it- next week though fo sho!
-I took a sneak peek at the scale today and I am up 4lbs from my post-fasting weight, which is no suprise being that my body is storing food since it just came out of starvation mode; however, I am still down 3lbs from my pre-fasting weight. It is my goal that on my weigh in day (Sun) I will be at my post-fasting weight- 326.
And finally, I leave you with a pic of my dinner from last night: It's is a whole weat pita with tomoato sauce, tomoato's, ff cheese, and garlic! Yum! Oh and a yummy salad topped with the best caesar dressing ever (only 50 cals for 2 TBLS from Trader Joe's!)
Peace Out Lovelies!
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
Day #19: To Count or Not to Count...That is My Question!
Morning lovelies!
Now, I've gotta say- it wasn't a complete failure b/c first of all I tried something I would have NEVER tried in the past which is a victory in and of itself and when I tasted them they didn't make me want to gag...so that's a good thing right? lol Well, for someone who really doesn't like many veggies that's a good thing! However, they were pretty dry and just...not great. I could have forced myself to eat them but instead they ended up in the trash! Here's how I made them: I cut them in half and drizzeld them with a combination of olive oil, garlic, onions, lemon juice, and salt and pepper and threw em in the oven for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. Oh well- at least I tried! :)
So as you can see over there on the right hand side of my blog, one of my January goals is to come up with 3 new healthy creations this month! Well, last night I knocked out 2 of 'em! One of my attempts was a success and well the other...not so much!
Let's start with the good news...Tuna Salad! (HAHA- Don't hate on the simplicity- baby steps peeps, baby steps!) 
I made this with 3 cans of tuna, some ff mayo, mustard (yum!), 2 hard boiled egg whites, celery, and tons of garlic powder! I'll be having this today for lunch by putting it on top of some romaine!
I made this with 3 cans of tuna, some ff mayo, mustard (yum!), 2 hard boiled egg whites, celery, and tons of garlic powder! I'll be having this today for lunch by putting it on top of some romaine! And now for the "not so good"... the brussels :(
Now, I've gotta say- it wasn't a complete failure b/c first of all I tried something I would have NEVER tried in the past which is a victory in and of itself and when I tasted them they didn't make me want to gag...so that's a good thing right? lol Well, for someone who really doesn't like many veggies that's a good thing! However, they were pretty dry and just...not great. I could have forced myself to eat them but instead they ended up in the trash! Here's how I made them: I cut them in half and drizzeld them with a combination of olive oil, garlic, onions, lemon juice, and salt and pepper and threw em in the oven for 15 minutes at 350 degrees. Oh well- at least I tried! :)Alright, and now on to today's topic/confession/question:
When I started my healthy eating habits back in November, I decided that the best way for me to keep my nutrition in check would be to count POINTS and write everything down. I did this mainly because I kept reading everywhere how beneficial (and some would say necessary) it is to keep a food journal. I was able to successfully do this a few days and many weeks haven't gone by that I haven't tried to "re-start" counting PTS, but I just have a really hard time making it work. I don't have a hard time at all eating healthy it's just the calculating all of the PTS and writing them down for every meal.
Here's the confession part- I haven't been "tracking" for 2 weeks now (well, I didn't eat last week so really for 1 week :). My eating has been absolutely STELLAR- it's just that I don't track PTS; but I'm feeling guilty b/c I FEEL like I should be. I'm blaming it on my perfectionist attitude- you see, I have NO problem tracking for bkfast and lunch because I pretty much eat the same thing every day, but dinner is always the one meal that is always a variable for me. So here's how my day/tracking usually goes- I'll easily track my bkfast, snacks, and lunch but then dinner will come and I'll either eat out or something along those lines and not really know what the EXACT PTS are and then since I feel like I can't be completely accurate, I don't want to do it at all. I know that the all or nothing attitude isn't good, and I don't have it in regards to actually EATING healthy, just tracking.
So then I started wondering if maybe counting calories would be a little more realistic for me. My thought process behind this is that I don't have to carry the little POINT calculator around trying to figure it all out, calories are always given (for the most part) and it seems that a lot of people have success with doing this so maybe it would work for me. Yesterday was my first day counting calories and I've gotta say I do find it easier than tracking POINTS.
And then one little part of me says...why count anything at all? Just because other people do it doens't mean that I HAVE to; I feel like I've learned the basics of nutrition and portioning and that I can tell how much is too much. Eating healthy and sensible portions really isn't a struggle for me so I don't believe that I would miss/need the accountability of journaling. Maybe it would be ok for me not to track/count all of the time but just do it every once in awhile to give myself an idea of where I am and make sure I'm staying within my goals.
AM I BEING LAZY OR REALISTIC HERE?
Seriously, give me some advice please! I want to do whatever is going to be most helpful for me and will cause me to reach my goals- regardless of how annoying or tedious it may be.
Should I go back to tracking POINTS? Should I try counting calories? Should I do neither and see what happens?
Help por favor! :)
Monday, 18 January 2010
Day #17 & #18: Lessons from Fasting
Whew! Can I just say that I am SOOOO glad that life is back to normal? I mean, last week was great and all but I'm a girl who likes routine and I'm definitely excited that this should be a relatively "routine" week! Also, sorry that I didn't post yesterday, it's really important to me that I blog every day for 2 reasons: 1) For my own accountability (it is easy for me to push eating healthy and excercising to the side so blogging about it daily keeps it in the front of my mind) and 2) I think it's annoying when I'm following a blog and a person goes 4 or 5 days without posting. Just tellin' the truth! :) So, I'm sorry! I will only use 10 post "skip" days for this entire year so yesterday will count as my first one.
Alright, as promised I wanted to just share quickly about somethings that I found interesting/ observed during my fast last week. For clarification, from last Sunday till this past Saturday I only consumed: water, coffee, and juice. Again, this had nothing to do with trying to lose weight or for any health related purpose- it was about my relationship with God.
Needless to say, going a week without food did teach me a few things about this journey that I'm going on in 2010; here are a few things that I found interesting...
- I truly found it 10 times easier to eat nothing than I do to make heatlhy choices. I think something that I have picked up in the past few months has really been the transition from living to eat to eating to live. I don't have the same desire to eat just because I want to anymore- I eat because I need food for nutrition. Seriously- there were times last week that I thought to myself, if it weren't for the fact that I would die and that it is extremely unhealthy, I would be ok to never eat again. Please hear me out- I know that statement could sound REALLY bad- all I'm saying is that I found it way easier to cut food out of my life than I thought it would be.
- Eating healthy is a decision- plain and simple. I know this might seem like a no brainer but this little revelation hit me about mid week when I was super tempted to go and get a cup of soup. This is the conversation that was going on in my head..."Tiffany, you said you were only going to do liquids, potatoe soup is liquid right? No- it's not a liquid if you have to chew the potatoes in the soup! Well, maybe I'll just take the potatoes out. Are you making this decision because you truly think it is ok or because you are hungry? Well, it's because I'm hungry-c'mon, I haven't eaten all week, don't I deserve a measly cup of soup- besides, who is going to know? No, you can do better than this- you made a commitment to God and to yourself, now stick to it- you can do this." And I did.
No lie- this is a conversation that many of us have with ourselves every day- I know I do. We have made a decision not to drink soda or eat chips or whatever it is and we try to rationalize it away; we tell ourselves, "But I've been good all week, what's a few chips really going to do in the long run, no one is going to know, etc." But in the end we have got to realize that we aren't cheating anyone but ourselves when we cheat and that every time we give in to a temptation we are weakening our ability to say no (can you tell I've been reading the Beck-ster?) :) And let me tell you, once I had that conversation in my mind- the decision was made and it was like a switch was flipped- I had made up my mind and there was no longer the option of "cheating;" I am working to flip this same switch in my mind in regards to my healthiness journey.
So there you have it- I learned a lot, accomplished a lot, and I'm glad A LOT that it's over :)
I'll leave you with my breakfast from this morning~it was super yummy and super low-cal! I had an breakfast sandwhich (whole wheat english muff, ff american cheese, egg beaters egg whites) and the NEW Fiber One Yogurt (Strawberry Flavor)! 
The sandwhich was super yummy! I was a little skeptical about how good it would be using only egg whites and fat free cheese but honestly- you couldn't even tell! And heck, for only 175 cals, I'll take it! I picked up the yogurt yesterday after receiving a coupon to try it for free in the mail and let me tell you it is great! The yogurt contains 0g fat, 5g fiber, 3g protein, and only 50 cals! Bringing the breakfast cal total to 225 :)
Alright ya'll- there are only 2 weeks left in January, let's make sure that we are giving it our best so that we can look back on this month and say that we gave it out all! Remember, today is tomorrow!
Saturday, 16 January 2010
Day #16: A Peanut for a Stomach....
Lo siento for the late post amigos!
I'm elated to say that after 7 days my fast is officially over! And interestingly enough, when I stepped on the scale this morning I saw that I was down 7lbs. I'm obviously not counting that as real weight lost but it is my goal to remain at the same weight at my next weigh in (next Sunday) and if I do that means I will have successfully lost a total of 26lbs! But even if I do see a few pounds gained back next week it will be ok- that was my choice and it was worth the sacrifice.
Tomorrow I'm going to share about some of the things that I learned while fasting so be excited! :)
Here is a pic of my wonderfully amazing lunch from today- Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo from Olive Garden... needless to say I was full after about 5 bites but I uh...made it work! :)
Tomorrow I'll be whipping up some Tuna Salad for my lunches next week and I'll also be trying out the brussel sprouts that I bought today at Trader Joe's- I'm a little nervous about the sprouts but I've gotta achieve those January goals!
Peace-n-love!
I'm elated to say that after 7 days my fast is officially over! And interestingly enough, when I stepped on the scale this morning I saw that I was down 7lbs. I'm obviously not counting that as real weight lost but it is my goal to remain at the same weight at my next weigh in (next Sunday) and if I do that means I will have successfully lost a total of 26lbs! But even if I do see a few pounds gained back next week it will be ok- that was my choice and it was worth the sacrifice.
Tomorrow I'm going to share about some of the things that I learned while fasting so be excited! :)
Here is a pic of my wonderfully amazing lunch from today- Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo from Olive Garden... needless to say I was full after about 5 bites but I uh...made it work! :)
Tomorrow I'll be whipping up some Tuna Salad for my lunches next week and I'll also be trying out the brussel sprouts that I bought today at Trader Joe's- I'm a little nervous about the sprouts but I've gotta achieve those January goals!Peace-n-love!
Friday, 15 January 2010
Day #15: I'm a Hungry Girl
I'm sure many of you have heard of the popular website Hungry Girl. If you haven't been over there to check it out yet- do it now! Well...after you finish reading my post of course :) Lisa Lillien, the brains behind the Hungry Girl books and website, has found her newest fan in yours truly.
You see, I have a confession to make... I have absolutely no desire to become a foodie/chef extraordinaire. I know, I know... stone me now.
Calm down masses, calm down- hear me out! When I first started reading some of your blogs a few months ago and began my own journey a little over 2 months ago it seemed that every post I read contained beautiful pics of some crazy fabulous concauction that could put Martha Stewart to shame and I felt... overwhelmed and almost ashamed that the most adventurous thing I have cooked thus far has been chicken salad! hahaha
But you know what I've decided- I don't have to be a master chef nor even have the desire to become one in order to eat healthy and lose weight. Don't get me wrong, of course since I am learning to eat healthy foods that I have never even tried before I'm going to end up learning more about cooking and even try some adventurous stuff now and then- but cooking is just not a passion of mine- that's ok...right? :)
That's why when I picked up the Hungry Girl Cookbook I was so suprised at how I couldn't put it down! And BELIEVE me, I do not have a thing for cookbooks- it seems like every time I pick one up a recipe calls for some crazy herb that sounds like a disease and stuff that you just don't find in normal life. But the Hungry Girl Cookbook was written for people like me! People who don't necessarily have a desire to become the next Rachel Ray but need to learn some new healthy ways to eat some old favorites! It is so great that I actually cannot wait to whip up at least 3 or 4 of her recipes this week- stuff like twice baked potatoes, tacos, tuna melts, and chili- but for under 300 calories!
I hope that I haven't offended any of you foodies out there- I think that your passion for creating beautiful, interesting, and healthy food is amazing (and I wish that I could taste every single thing you make)! But I just want to encourage those of you out there who are like me and really just want to eat healthier and lose weight- you will have to try new foods most likely and it will definitely entail learning to make things in new ways but if you aren't the best cook (or maybe don't care to be) then it's ok! You can still eat healthily and you can still lose weight!
Now just so that I don't dissapoint my dear foodie friends like the master chef TJ- I thought I'de share some of the new things that I will be picking up at the grocery store this weekend that I've never tried before:
- Laughing Cow Cheese Wedges
- Almond Butter
- Veggie burger patties
- Almond Breeze Unsweetened Soy Milk
- Naan Bread
- Brussel Sprouts (a little nervous about these :)
Any more suggestions?
Hopefully you all still love me even though you won't be able to satisfy your visual food cravings here at Project 365- or at least not very often :)
Hope you all have a fabulous Friday!
p.s. As I wrote about on Monday, I have been on an all liquid fast this week and I am OH SO HAPPY to say that I will be eating my first meal in 7 days tomorrow at noon! As I mentioned before this fast was not about losing weight but about refocusing my life to be centered around God and I really just needed clarity on some things and I think that happened this week. As far as weighing in goes- I will weigh myself in the morning just for the fun of knowing how much I actually lost and I'll record it on my blog but I'm not realistically counting it as any weight lost until I weigh in on my next weigh in day (next Sunday). I know that this may mess with (and set back) my weight loss a little and even some of my goals but as important as this is- it isn't the MOST important thing; in fact it shouldn't be the most important thing in anyone's life. So tomorrow I am meeting some other friends who joined in on the fast this week at Olive Garden and I am seriously going to eat whatever I want! I'm guessing that I probably won't get past a few breadsticks and a bowl of salad as my stomach has probably shrunk to the size of a peanut but I'm going to give it all I've got! HAHA- and then come Sunday, it's back to real life where I can eat healthy food and excercise again :)
Peace Out Beauties!
Thursday, 14 January 2010
Day #14: Here's How...
Morning lovelies!
(*First off- thank you guys so much for your encouraging words on yesterday's post- I was seriously having a very bad day (not b/c of posting the pics) and it totally put a smile on my face to realize how much support I have in you all! Hugs to you!*)
- Warning: long post ahead :) -
Yesterday I spent a lot of time asking myself a question that I TRULY had never even thought about before: How did I get to this point? You would think that a 23 year old who weighed 352lbs would wonder (or even care to ask) how it is that they came to be that way- but like I've said, my weight was never a big deal to me so I'm guessing that's why I didn't ever think about it.
There have a been a few times that I've wanted to write a post on this subject but I hadn't up until this point for 2 reasons: 1- I didn't really know the answer and 2- I'm not someone who likes to play the blame game; I would much rather just move forward then go back and figure out how I got this way, but this morning it hit me- People don't just weigh 350lbs for no reason- it's not like that is normal or average.
If I don't learn what caused me to become obese then I have no way of knowing if I am following that same path again- if I want to move forward into a new way of life, then I need to understand why the old way didn't work.
All of that to say... I believe that I've come to understand at least some of the reasons why I am in the situation I am.
I experienced a lot of turbulent times in my childhood. My earliest memories are of my parents using drugs, me bouncing around living with a combination of grandparents, lots of fighting and confusion- it was a lot for a child as young as 5 to deal with. The weird thing about my family though is that there is NO shortage of love- even though things are SO seriously messed up, I have never ONCE felt unloved or uncared for. Both of my sets of grandparents have raised me and are amazing people who love me unconditionally; my parents on the other hand just never grew up and are really destructive people- but I am completely convinced that they love me. But because of how turbulent and crazy my life was I believe that I saw food as really the only constant in my life- while everything else was just completely out of my control and I often felt helpless, food was the one thing that never changed and that I did have a say over.
I don't believe that I ate because I was filling some void or because I was numbing any sort of pain- I know myself and that wasn't it and still isn't it. It is all an issue of control. And I know it is because I continued to live like that through college (aka- the last 4 years of my life). Out of all of my friends I have always been the one to want to go out to eat or go to Starbucks- if we did anything fun I always wanted to include "going out to eat" or "getting coffee" to. It really wasn't because I just loved food so much- it was because as I got older and had a life (and money) of my own- being ABLE to eat out and as often as I'd like gave me a sense of control over my life. I know this because there would be times while I was at college that I would be low on cash (like every other college student) and wouldn't be able to afford going out to eat or getting coffee and I would feel...panicky. And then as soon as I would have money again the first thing I would do would be to go out to eat and then life would feel normal again, like everything was okay, and that I hadn't lost control.
For the last 4 years I would say that out of the 21 meals that you are supposed to eat a week I easly ate out for 14 of them and probably went to starbucks at least 3-4 times per week. I can't say for sure but I would guess I was consuming roughly 3,000-3,500 calories a day. And the whole time I was doing this I was doing it because I thought that me being able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted meant that I was in control and that my chaotic family life was no longer the controlling force in my life. Boy was I wrong!
Just this morning I realized that while I thought that because I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted meant that I was in control of my life, I was completely wrong. By eating myself into an early grave I was actually still allowing the chaos of my family to drive me to unhealthy habits- meaning they were still totally in control.
What I'm going to have to learn now is that I cannot allow my definition of being in control of my life and everything being "okay" to be that I can eat out and eat whatever I want- because that isn't being in control at all. My new definition of being in control and living a life that I am happy with is going to mean me making the decisions that I am blessed to be able to make- to eat healthily, to excercise, to buy healthy food that I can afford, to say no to foods that I don't want to eat, to not give into social food peer pressure.
My new definition of being in control: To be the one calling the shots in my life- not food, family, or friends.
So in short- although I'm sure I'll discover more of the reasons as to why I'm overweight along this journey- I believe that the biggest contributing factors were:
1) Feeling the need to have a sense of consistancy and control in my life from a young age due to a rocky family life.
2) Excessive eating out (aka calorie intake) which was caused by a need to feel that my life was normal and that things were ok.
3) A lack of excercise and healthy eating, which was simply because I wasn't unhappy with my weight or the way I looked.
Whew! Well that's all I've got :)
I would LOVE to hear any thoughts that you might have- this is literally something that I've come up with in the past 48 hours so I could use any thoughts of clarity that I could get!
Finally, I leave you with a peak at some fabulous goodies that I picked up yesterday- more about these later!
(*First off- thank you guys so much for your encouraging words on yesterday's post- I was seriously having a very bad day (not b/c of posting the pics) and it totally put a smile on my face to realize how much support I have in you all! Hugs to you!*)
- Warning: long post ahead :) -
Yesterday I spent a lot of time asking myself a question that I TRULY had never even thought about before: How did I get to this point? You would think that a 23 year old who weighed 352lbs would wonder (or even care to ask) how it is that they came to be that way- but like I've said, my weight was never a big deal to me so I'm guessing that's why I didn't ever think about it.
There have a been a few times that I've wanted to write a post on this subject but I hadn't up until this point for 2 reasons: 1- I didn't really know the answer and 2- I'm not someone who likes to play the blame game; I would much rather just move forward then go back and figure out how I got this way, but this morning it hit me- People don't just weigh 350lbs for no reason- it's not like that is normal or average.
If I don't learn what caused me to become obese then I have no way of knowing if I am following that same path again- if I want to move forward into a new way of life, then I need to understand why the old way didn't work.
All of that to say... I believe that I've come to understand at least some of the reasons why I am in the situation I am.
I experienced a lot of turbulent times in my childhood. My earliest memories are of my parents using drugs, me bouncing around living with a combination of grandparents, lots of fighting and confusion- it was a lot for a child as young as 5 to deal with. The weird thing about my family though is that there is NO shortage of love- even though things are SO seriously messed up, I have never ONCE felt unloved or uncared for. Both of my sets of grandparents have raised me and are amazing people who love me unconditionally; my parents on the other hand just never grew up and are really destructive people- but I am completely convinced that they love me. But because of how turbulent and crazy my life was I believe that I saw food as really the only constant in my life- while everything else was just completely out of my control and I often felt helpless, food was the one thing that never changed and that I did have a say over.
I don't believe that I ate because I was filling some void or because I was numbing any sort of pain- I know myself and that wasn't it and still isn't it. It is all an issue of control. And I know it is because I continued to live like that through college (aka- the last 4 years of my life). Out of all of my friends I have always been the one to want to go out to eat or go to Starbucks- if we did anything fun I always wanted to include "going out to eat" or "getting coffee" to. It really wasn't because I just loved food so much- it was because as I got older and had a life (and money) of my own- being ABLE to eat out and as often as I'd like gave me a sense of control over my life. I know this because there would be times while I was at college that I would be low on cash (like every other college student) and wouldn't be able to afford going out to eat or getting coffee and I would feel...panicky. And then as soon as I would have money again the first thing I would do would be to go out to eat and then life would feel normal again, like everything was okay, and that I hadn't lost control.
For the last 4 years I would say that out of the 21 meals that you are supposed to eat a week I easly ate out for 14 of them and probably went to starbucks at least 3-4 times per week. I can't say for sure but I would guess I was consuming roughly 3,000-3,500 calories a day. And the whole time I was doing this I was doing it because I thought that me being able to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted meant that I was in control and that my chaotic family life was no longer the controlling force in my life. Boy was I wrong!
Just this morning I realized that while I thought that because I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted meant that I was in control of my life, I was completely wrong. By eating myself into an early grave I was actually still allowing the chaos of my family to drive me to unhealthy habits- meaning they were still totally in control.
What I'm going to have to learn now is that I cannot allow my definition of being in control of my life and everything being "okay" to be that I can eat out and eat whatever I want- because that isn't being in control at all. My new definition of being in control and living a life that I am happy with is going to mean me making the decisions that I am blessed to be able to make- to eat healthily, to excercise, to buy healthy food that I can afford, to say no to foods that I don't want to eat, to not give into social food peer pressure.
My new definition of being in control: To be the one calling the shots in my life- not food, family, or friends.
So in short- although I'm sure I'll discover more of the reasons as to why I'm overweight along this journey- I believe that the biggest contributing factors were:
1) Feeling the need to have a sense of consistancy and control in my life from a young age due to a rocky family life.
2) Excessive eating out (aka calorie intake) which was caused by a need to feel that my life was normal and that things were ok.
3) A lack of excercise and healthy eating, which was simply because I wasn't unhappy with my weight or the way I looked.
Whew! Well that's all I've got :)
I would LOVE to hear any thoughts that you might have- this is literally something that I've come up with in the past 48 hours so I could use any thoughts of clarity that I could get!
Finally, I leave you with a peak at some fabulous goodies that I picked up yesterday- more about these later!
Change your life today bloggers- you guys deserve it!
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Day# 13: Ehhh....
Alright, so let's just get it over with...
I'm a girl who is true to my word, so as promised- I'm posting the BEFORE pics. Mind you this is already 2 months into my journey and 19lbs lower than my starting weight- but I don't think I've seen any dramatic changes so I'm guessing these are still pretty accurate. I'll also be posting new pics at the beginning of every month, so here's January's:
I'm pretty much just speechless.
If you read some of my earliest posts you will remember that I sometimes forget that I even need to lose weight because I TRULY do not see myself as being obese. But then I look at these pics and I swear that if I didn't know it was me I probably wouldn't even believe it. How did this happen?
I'm going to spend the rest of this week asking myself and praying about that very question: How and why did this happen?
However- I refuse to sit here and beat myself up and make myself feel sick about this- even though that is exactly what I feel like doing. I have made the decision to change and have already begun to change (I've lost almost 20lbs already!) These pictures will no longer be a part of my life other than to be used in 352 days from now when I can look back and realize how far I've come and how strong I am.
There will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be another picture of me that looks like this- mark my words. This is not who I am and not who I was created to be. This is enough- no more.
Inhale....Exhale.....and I'm moving forward.
On a happier note- I went to Target yesterday and picked up my new digital camera with the Biggest Loser money! I even scored a pretty sweet deal- I got the camera, memory card, and case for $150! Here's me showing my new camera a little love!
Change your life today bloggers!
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Day #12: Part 2- My 1st Blog Award :)
I would like to thank all of the little people.... bahahaha JUST KIDDING!
So I received my very first ever blog award! See isn't it nice:
Thanks Olivia, you are a rather beautiful blogger yourserlf!
And now I'm supposed to share 7 things that you probably don't know about me- fun! Here we go...
1) I am an only child.
It's funny-I usualy get one of 2 reactions out of people when I tell them I don't have any siblings- they either are completely shocked or say..."yea- that makes sense." LOL I think I would rather get the first response! My friends have all asked me if I liked being an only child and I've gotta say that because of how crazy my family is it was probably a good thing that I didn't have siblings- I definitely wouldn't have had the opportunities that I have if there were 3 or more of us; however, I can't lie- it would be nice to have siblings now that I'm older. Oh well- being spoiled by my grandparents wasn't such a bad thing :)
2) I can yodel.
It's true. In fact the only reason I share this with you all is because you can't make me show you! LOL. It's funny- I've been singing my whole life but I never knew that I could yodel until I was listening to a Leann Rimes cd and a song where she was yodeling came on (btw- the song was "Cowboy's Sweetheart") and I just followed along and have been able to do it ever since!
3) I have a weird crush on Dwight from The Office.
I know, I know- he is not the most attractive person in the world but for some reason I find him so stinkin' cute- maybe it's just because I think he is the funniest person in the world...Ugh- I may need help. :)
4) I could eat ranch dressing on absolutely anything...except salad.
Yep- that is a ranch dressing fountain...HEAVEN! I am most definitely a ranch-a-holic. I could and used to eat it on everything: french fries, baked potatoes, wings, chicken strips, pizza, steak, chicken, bread, get the point? The only food that I really much care for ranch dressing on is salad- not sure why that is exactly. I remember one time my friend's dad took us to this fancy shmancy restaurant in Phoenix called "The Cork and Cleaver" and I put ranch dressing all over a filet mignon that was at least $39.99- yeah...I remember getting some strange looks from across the table :) Needless to say my ranch obsession has definitely been squashed since changing my eating habits but it will always hold a dear place in my heart :)
5) I have an insane fear of getting lice.
Yep- lice blows and I am pretty darn afraid of getting it...again. I had lice 4 times when I was younger and I was at least moderately scarred for life! Ok maybe it's not that bad but let me tell you that any time I sit in a seat at the movies, fly in an airplane, or lay in a dentist's chair I am always afraid that I am going to get lice! lol And you KNOW that I never use anyone else's hairbursh or let them use mine- even though people find it semi-offensive when you won't use them...but oh well- at least I won't have bugs in my hair! LOL- Am I a freak? :)
6) I can speak Spanish.
And it's all thanks to Dora! Juuusttt kidding :) Growing up in Arizona where the population is at least 45% hispanic, Spanish was already all around me and then I studied it for 4 years while in school and soon became fluent. I've gotta say that I truly love Speaking it and wish that I had more opporutnities to but now that I live in PA you might guess that there really aren't that many :)
7) I don't like chocolate.
This does not look appealing to me AT ALL. It's not that I HATE chocolate- but I really just dont' like it. Just looking at that picture makes me feel like I need to drink an entire bottle of water. I know most of you wish that you didn't like chocolate either but believe me, what I lack in my love for chocolate, I more than make up for with my love of chips, french fries, and ranch dressing :)
So there you go- you officially know 7 more things about me than you did before reading :)
And now I'm supopsed to nominate 7 other beautiful bloggers for this illustrious award (p.s.-you only have to do the "7 things" if you wanna!)
These are some ladies that I not only think are "beautiful bloggers" but also inspire me every day to keep going so enjoy your blog award girls!
1) Dawne @ 365 days to a new me! 2) Bobbie @ Anonymous Fat Girl! 3) Foodie girl @ For me! 4) Adorkable @ Journey to a cuter tush! 5) Kassey @ Not your typical, average, college girl! 6) The Phat Nanny! and 7) Joania @ Blueprint 2010!
Peace Out Girl Scout!
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